To not want my cats now the baby's here?

[elliebe13]

2 years ago I really wanted a baby but my husband thought it was too soon so got me a cat instead. She's the gentlest, sweetest cat there is. A year later my friend found a box of abandoned kittens and we took one in. I put all my effort into her and lavished love on her but she's just a grumpy, horrible cat who steals my other cat's food, fights with her and leaves white hair everywhere. She doesn't even like to be stroked. Sometimes she just poops next to the litterbox.

I became really freakish about cleanliness during pregnancy and they're banned from our bedroom and the baby's room. They're both treated for fleas but I still find them on my baby's face occasionally.

I thought my hatred for them would disappear when the baby came but I just really resent them, no matter how much I clean there's hair and dander everywhere, we don't have much space or money really and it's hard to find a decent rented flat for pets.

The second cat needs to go as I am miserable and dreading when the baby starts crawling. I had guests over last night and my friend's coat was just covered with this white hair.

I am going out of my mind. I thought I was an animal lover but I guess I'm not :(

Get a better flea treatment, treat your home for fleas. It's not their fault they have fleas, poor cats! Maybe the grumpy one is grumpy because she's had an untreated flea problem?

You need to go to the vets for your flea treatment - the supermarket stuff is rubbish. We use Advocate (or something like that) - just dab behind her collar once a month.

Yes, you are being horrid so re-home them but to someone who will love them and not want rid of them after a while.

We're struggling with fleas at the moment too. Definitely change your flea treatment- we've tried 3 different ones (including Frontline) and none have worked so we're going to get some Advocate off the vet. If you phone your local council then they may do cheap flea pest control. Ours are coming round in a couple of days to spray the whole house and it's only going to be £56.

Have you tried a Feliway diffuser? That might help the grumpiness and random shitting. If you can brush the cat regularly then that will help with fur being everywhere.

Re cleanliness obsession- this can sometimes be a symptom of PND. Not saying you definitely have this or that having a flea infestation is no big deal, but if you do have PND then that will be making you feel much worse about the situation.

Please do rehome them, and do not under any circumstances get another pet when your child is older.

Also you really need to speak with your vet if there are fleas about even after treatment. Perhaps a deep clean of the flat plus flea treatment as it is possible they've bedded down somewhere. Sift furnishings etc all need a THOROUGH clean.
at your sentiment that you didn't / couldn't have a baby so you got a cat. And then one more. I should hope people got pets for the sake of having a pet.

It depresses me how people feel pets are disposable once a new baby arrives.

Owning a pet is a responsibility, it's not like buying a sofa or carpet that you change when it doesn't 'fit' anymore.

This is coming from someone who has a 10 month old baby and 2 cats who use litter trays. It just takes flexibility and understanding and work to make sure they all fit together in your home. My DS loves my cats and I firmly believe he will be better for growing up with animals who he'll learn to respect and love.

My cats to a back seat when I had babies, they were pretty ignored but had food water of course. They are outdoor tolieters though so I never had that issue. I'd never have got rid of them in fact I worried they would run away but they didn't, they had each other.

Now 8 yrs old my dd loves the cats and they are a friend for her, they have taught both of my children how to act around animals.

Fleas wise, treat the cats every 3 months with a decent treatment from the vets, over the counter remedies are cheaper but they don't work.

You can buy flea bombs from amazon for the house but you will have to go out all day to do it.

Ah, this attitude really annoys me. Pets are for life, not something to be chucked out because something you like better comes along

When you get a pet, you take on a responsibility for it. You can't just chuck it out to a home because you don't want it anymore. Get monthly flea treatments from the vet and covered litter trays and deal with it.

YABU but you sound desperate.

I get that you still love the first one, the second one sounds like she was feral and has never been socialized properly. Not your fault....it's a job and half....my kitten was feral when found and is now at 24 weeks a friendly and affectionate pet....she had four weeks with a fosterer who was very experienced with handling feral kittens though.

Cats are generally individual animals and not natural sharers of homes....I have three...I also hate litter trays but am working towards all of them using the garden. Likewise I accept that the middle cat hates the kitten and will snarl and growl at her.

Advocate is better than Frontline for flea treatment....much much better

You also need some VetChem spray for the house (but from the vet)....do all the corners and replace duvets with cheap ones for the time being until you know the flea problem is under control....fleas are a nightmare and I sympathize because it sounds like you have had a real infestation.

For rehoming......go to the CatChat forum....see what is in your area. If you are in London/Essex I can recommend Goldies Oldies senior cat rescue And Bow Lodge Cat Rescue.....both have Facebook pages. Cat's Protection are so well known they are often overrun with requests but will take your details.

Did writing the post down make you feel better about things? Your baby is still small if not crawling and two cats plus a litter tray is another task in an already busy day.....which might be making you feel overwhelmed.

I understand entirely and don't listen to the flaming - I'm sure you feel bad enough already without these people putting the boot in too.

I would try to rehome the second cat then see how you get on. It will probably be a huge relief. You gave it a home when it was abandoned. You have done a good thing - taking on a second cat is always difficult anyway.

I would contact a local rescue and ask them if they could put it on their waiting list.

We took on a cat about 10 years ago when ds1 was small. She was in need of rehoming as her owners had got another and they didn't get on. So we had her.

Last year I wasn't coping well with the house as I was pregnant, then had a new baby and was left on my own with 3 children - it was a mess, we had to replace our back door so could no longer have a cat flap. There was nowhere to put a tray, it was awful trying to keep up with it, and she wasn't happy, and she ended up being outside much of the time, sleeping in a cosy old pushchair with a cover on it - I felt so cruel but it was that or random accidents in the house and I felt like we just could not cope.

In short I rang up the sanctuary near to us and spoke to them - they agreed she would be happier with them, and a few months later a place became available and off she went.

It was awful but it was basically her or the baby. I had to keep telling myself she is a cat, she isn't attached to me as such, and we gave her a pretty good life for 9-10 years.

She is 15 now, apparently very happy, I do miss her and sometimes want to go and get her back. But it would be wrong because she would not be happy here, and though I feel like such a failure, I think it is the best thing. Obviously had I know the pregnancy and so on would be so difficult, and that I'd be alone during it, I wouldn't have done it. A lot of things suffered including the other children.

But what's done is done, we had a stark choice to make. I feel awful still, but when you are in between a rock and hard place sometimes something has to give.

I fostered many cats for another rescue years ago, am very fond of them in general, and used to judge anyone who couldn't look after their pet for its lifetime. Now I can see there are sometimes good reasons.

How old is your baby? Okay, here is what I think based on nothing but my own experience. When I had DC1, I really really struggled with being a parent and was totally at sea. To cope with it, I became hyper controlling and tried to control my immediate environment. We have cats and dogs, and although I loved them, I wanted them GONE because I was scared the cats would sit on DC's face while sleeping. I was scared the dogs would eat her. I hated the fleas, the mess, I hated just having anything in the way that interrupted my equilibrium still further. I used to wish and wish that we never had any pets of any sort.

Over time, I relaxed and I think I had undiagnosed PND. When I got over it, I got over the fear/dislike of the dogs and cats - which we have had for years and whom I love. It was a symptom of just how out of control I felt with everything.

So, I guess what I am asking is if you are maybe just feeling all round terrible, fearful etc, and this is how it is manifesting.

FWIW, my youngest is nearly 4 now and I am back to where I am with the pets. I am just more relaxed.

Yes definitely try and rehome the second one.....if she/he was feral then an experienced fosterer might be able to do some work to hep that. They could also make sure he/she went to a home where they would be the only cat.

Rooners put it better than me.

Also I should say I understand it is not good that other people have to pick up the pieces when this happens. But you already took her on when someone else dumped her. Maybe it is someone else's turn to do a good thing now.

Fwiw I have set up a standing order to contribute to our cat's costs at the sanctuary. I feel it is the least I can do - I may not be able to care for her here, but I can still try and help with the money side of it. I know it doesn't make it Ok. But it's all I can do.

I was slightly the same after having my first but wouldn't have considered getting rid of them, I made a responsibility to them and it's not their fault they have fur. Kids are now both toddlers and love the cats they are part of the family

Spot on for fleas.
However I really dislike your attitude. Poor cats.

I think I have changed my viewpoint partly due to the extreme costs of medical treatment for cats now. (and other animals)

Unless you are fairly well off, you're likely to struggle with these at some point. We had insurance till they said, Oh, she has had this already once, we can't pay for it again.

So I cancelled the policy and decided to use the money for any fees that arose, instead.

It used to be cheap-ish to have a cat treated but now it can go into thousands. I wouldn't recommend owning one unless you are kind of Ok financially. If it wasn't for that I'd have probably had about 20 cats at once.

I'd get the cats rehomed & get on with your life with your baby!

I don't feel the need to lay a guilt trip on you like some posters - do what is best for you. The cat's won't mind who is feeding them at the end of the day & can get expensive down the line!

Good Luck!

I'd also like to echo what Slightlydampwellies said. Are you feeling generally low and overwhelmed about everything?

In support of op I'd want rid of anything that could leave fleas on my baby.

To be perfectly honest I'm not an animal lover, so my opinion is biased (I'm quite a slattern around the home in general and certainly not precious, but i can't understand how people can let dogs or cats lick them or sleep in their beds), but a person trumps an animal everytime. If the cats are making you miserable and affecting your baby then do the decent thing for all of you and find them a home where they'll be loved.

Apart from the usual 'you should have thought this through' and other messages I want to write, I think all the energy you put into caring and loving the both of them should be put into finding them loving new homes.

And don't get another pet!

If your cat is shedding so much it might be worth getting it trimmed. I have an old grumpy fucker longhaired cat who dosent go out much now so I need to keep him trimmed. He dosent leave much hair at all now, just in his basket really.

I know I'm being horrible, I hate myself for feeling like this but I just do

No you're not and don't let anyone on here tell you you are. I am a fervent cat lover (have been the proud owner of ten during my lifetime) but yours is a totally understandable reaction. It would be perfectly reasonable all round to find new loving homes for at least one of the cats, but FEEL NO GUILT ABOUT IT. The health of your children is far more important (dons tins hat and runs away screaming I AM A CAT LOVER)

This isn't a black and white issue. There isn't such a thing as "everone who gets rid of a pet is a selfish twat".

There are situations where having a pet is no longer possible. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it means life gets in the way. That happens.

In your shoes OP I would keep your original cat and get rid of the second.

FFS

captaingrinch yes because older animals with their expenses should be dumped on new owners and on charities.
Brilliant!! Now I know what to do with my older dog- just dump him on a new owner!
Reality check- do you know how crowded shelters across the country are???