To expect a thank you card from 4 year old?

[tinyshinyanddon]

Went to the birthday party. Brought gift. Then a few days later the mother send out an email to all guests:
"I've decided not to make Lucy write thank you cards thus year. She loves all her gifts, each and every one."
There is more blurb at the start and end about thank you for coming/didn't we have a great time/blah blah blah.
Is it just me or is this rude? Clearly Lucy would not be writing the cards anyway (just signing them) so basically mommy can't be arsed. May be its normal?

The OP wasn't thanked. Not properly.

I hate generic Thank Yous. It implies that the parent and/or recipient hasn't the faintest idea what you've given them. It shows no real appreciation to my mind. If you've spent time, money and thought on a gift it is nice to have it properly acknowledged. A quick Thank You when the gift is handed over (but not opened) doesn't count either.

Personally I prefer a card or note, but I can see why text or email is often used now.

Our friends and family get thanked and hugged when we receive the gift. If they don't witness the opening then they get called or thanked in person. That's how things are with my family and friends and I don't see a problem with it.

I've never known this thankyou thing until the Internet. A verbal thank you for anything is enough. I would find a thankyou card really weird anyway, What would you do with it?

Saying thank you when receiving a gift is sufficient. It's a waste of trees to send a thank you card

I sent thank you cards after my wedding. That's it. Never before and never since!

YABU, she is 4. For goodness sake, get a grip.

I sounds to me like people want the thank you to flatter their own egos by acknowledging what a fantastic gift selector they are and how much they have spent, rather than actually expressing thanks. I would rather not be obligated so heavily to a gift giver. I give gifts to make the receiver happy, not to place them in some subservient position where they have to prostrate themselves before my benevolence.

Ugh- I bloody hate thank you cards.
They were a horrible chore as a child and the one time I didn't send one resulted in a pointed refusal to send any further presents from one particular relative that lasted for years and years.
I didn't even miss the presents to be honest- but I still remember the sense of obligation and shame.
I would rather not get a present at all- than get a present that comes with obligations. And I know that sounds petty- but its honestly how I feel. It was like a trap set by someone who was looking for an excuse not to like me.
Its overly fussy and outdated and I will not be making DS do it.

Don't think people really do thankyou cards any more. Just to say thankyou is enough.

x post with Chemenger- glad it not just me then

I think it's a shame that the small courtesies are falling away.

I know what you mean. I always do thank you cards and was a bit miffed to get no sort of thanks from our 5yo nephew after his birthday and Christmas this year. Not an email, text or even verbal thanks from him/SIL.

However, you have been thanked in this instance. Albeit not individually. So maybe being a teeny bit unreasonable but I do see where you are coming from.

I've never sent or received thank you cards either, a heartfelt verbal thank you is enough. I didn't even do them after our wedding, I just made sure I thanked everyone on the day. Maybe I have an unknown pool of simmering friends and relations who are fuming over this, but I actually think they'd think I'd gone mad if I suddenly started sending out a raft of cards. Where does it end? A thank you card for a thank you card? Hallmark would be rubbing their hands in glee.

I think it's a shame that the small courtesies are falling away. But saying thank you at the time is courteous. Why isn't that enough?

DS is four. The idea of making him sit down to sign or even just draw on thank you cards fills me with dread. Never done thank you cards - I text or email people if DS doesn't open them when they're there.

If the present is opened in front of the giver, then it is.

If it's put in a mass pile and torn into later with no appreciation (direct family experience of this), then I don't think that's okay.

I always send out thank you notes or now my girls are older they do their own. It is just polite in my opinion. Most parents I know send them too. Only once have I got an email message and that was because the child's party was on the last day of term and they wouldn't see anyone for the next 6 weeks, which I thought was fair enough.

I think it is shame that people don't feel it neccessary to do thank you notes any more.

At least you did get a thank you though, sometimes there is no thank you at all and that is just plain rude.

in real life I have only ever sent or received thank you cards for wedding presents or newborn baby presents, I'd never heard of the concept of children sending thank you cards for birthday/Christmas presents until I read of it on mumsnet. And I'm very 'into' please and thank you and general good manners,

So, in general, as long as a present is acknowledged in some way, I think it's fine. With DD's friends they usually say thank you on receipt of the present and then the child's mum tends to text something like 'X loved her present' afterwards, which is an extra layer of thank you as far as I'm concerned.

The only thing that really makes me mad is a total refusal to say a thank you of any sort. I stop buying presents for people who don't have the manners to acknowledge them. They don't have to falm over themselves saying it's the most wonderful present ever, just say a simple thank you, and if they can't be arsed to do that I save them the trouble next time by not buying a present.

A verbal thank you at the party would have been fine for me. Apart from after my wedding, I only send thank you cards to people who I can't thank in person. And when I was a little kid I didn't even do that, I thanked people over the phone, which was more personal than being made to sign a card I couldn't read. I think by sending the email saying she is not sending thank you cards, the mother has made it into a bigger issue than it needs to be.

Ok I have caught up and wanted to clarify. On party day the gift was not opened in front of us. It was handed to Lucy's mum who I am sure said thank you and then it was put in the pile of other gifts. Round here we do get thank you cards from kids. Often typed on the computer and the kid writes their name. It's just the email wording that irked me. If it was worded as a regular thank you note I wouldn't have thought anything of it. It's the "not making Lucy write them" part that caught my eye. Anyway I'm not losing sleep over it so not to worry. And thank you for the replies.

I've always made my kids do thank you cards, & do think it's courteous. Having said that, I've never been particularly bothered about not getting them back, & haven't minded at all when a parent has just said a general "Thanks everyone for x's presents" in the playground, a day or two after a party.

Somehow, though, that email is worse than not saying thank you at all. The tone is smug & irritating, & there's something really self-righteous about the line the mum takes, that she wouldn't dream of FORCING her little darling to do anything she doesn't want to do, or making an effort just in order to be polite. I wouldn't bat an eyelid over the sending of a generic thank you email, but that first line really gets my goat!

I agree the e-mail is odd - entirely with Loon above. I still get my DDs to do thank you cards particularly at Christmas when a couple of people sent £20 for each child - it needs to be formally acknowledged. Most people at school do thank you notes usually its typed and the children sign it - fine by me. That said, when it comes to immediate friends and family, we NEVER get thank you notes or even texts and I think its bizarre. But just because other people are rude doesn't mean we have to be!

Just an observation, but this must be a regional/cultural thing surely?
I am really surprised at the amount of people saying they have NEVER received a thank-you card, despite having numerous DC, who have attended numerous parties. I only have one DD who is in Reception. She has attended 5 parties since she started, plus around 4/5 whilst she was at pre school. We have received a thank you note for every single one, no exceptions. They are often written by a parent and signed by the child, but they are always on paper and sent in an envelope. DD had her own party a couple of weeks ago and we sent her thank you's out, (27!!), the following week. It's just what everyone does.
As I said before, this is just an observation/musings, as it does seem extraordinary, (and interesting, from a social point of view), how much opinions and traditions differ.
Not saying either way is better by the way - I would have loved to have sent 27 quick texts!!

I'm with NannyOgg. It's nice to give and it's nice to be thanked. My DCs (16, 15 and 13) always write thank yous, phone or say thank you if a present is opened as soon as it's given. My elderly uncle always gives the DCs £15 each at Christmas. That's £45 from his pension and deserves a thank you.

Personally I dislike this fashion for getting the child/mum pretending to write a load of thank you cards. Should the party guests give them to the host child too "Thank you for a lovely party and a fantastic party bag"?

It's different for relatives that have sent parcels.