Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a thank you card from 4 year old?

321 replies

tinyshinyanddon · 12/02/2014 03:48

Went to the birthday party. Brought gift. Then a few days later the mother send out an email to all guests:
"I've decided not to make Lucy write thank you cards thus year. She loves all her gifts, each and every one."
There is more blurb at the start and end about thank you for coming/didn't we have a great time/blah blah blah.
Is it just me or is this rude? Clearly Lucy would not be writing the cards anyway (just signing them) so basically mommy can't be arsed. May be its normal?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 12/02/2014 08:30

"but a card is best. "

Not if you care about the environment, the production and recycling take both resources.

Step into the modern world (that your children will certainly be living and working in), paperless communication, which includes the most important, verbal communication.

Pigletin · 12/02/2014 08:33

Are you not considered sufficient to be thanked in person after you give the gift? You were then thanked via email. How many times are expecting people to thank you?

SinisterBuggyMonth · 12/02/2014 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkdelight · 12/02/2014 08:48

YABU. Thank you cards are for aunts and such who send gifts and aren't there to be thanked in person. A thank you when you hand the gift over should suffice. A follow-up e-mail or text is nice, but not to be expected. You bring the gift, they give the party. That's all that need be done. You don't send another card thanking them for the party after all. It just gets ridiculous, and is a total waste of paper.

AuntieStella · 12/02/2014 08:51

Think the mother in this case is being terribly rude in starting the email 'I am not making DD write thank you letters etc"

If she'd just written a thank you email on her behalf however, I would have no problem with that.

Unrealistic to expect 4yos to write thank you letters, though sending thanks always pleases the donor and it's just goodwill and good manners. If you can get a DC to write thank you letters (whether dispatched on paper or electronically) so by the time they are teens they are used to thinking of others (and can churn them out effortlessly) then you are setting up a habit that will be advantageous to them.

But for small ones, it would be better if the email had started "DD is really tired but she wanted me to thank you ...." or a parent had written the note and DD had practiced writing her name by signing them all, or if DD had produced a set of splodges on postcards and the parent added DD is thrilled with the present and drew a picture to say thank you.

takingthathometomomma · 12/02/2014 08:55

I have never sent nor received thank you cards. Not during my childhood nor during DDs. How odd for someone to be so upset about it...

Only1scoop · 12/02/2014 08:55

YAB slightly unreasonable

You sound like you probably do what I do ....and after Christmas, birthdays etc scribble the thank you notes etc along with dd.
I still have a few friends that do write like myself and,

Some that send a text/etc that's fine

Some that don't even say thank you in any way at allHmm
F'king rude.

tobiasfunke · 12/02/2014 09:00

DS is 5 and has had 2 parties so far. I sent thank you cards for the first one but discovered I was the only one. It's usually thank you texts or nothing round here. Now I send a thank you text or email.
It's the 21st century. Get with it grandad.

shinybaubles · 12/02/2014 09:02

My 4 year old is only just starting pencil skills at nursery, there is no way he could manage 16 thank you cards, and all he would be able to do is badly write his name anyway. You have been thanked.
However My 7 year old does send thank you cards.
Perhaps it's an age/ability thing.

Tractorandtree · 12/02/2014 09:03

I think yanbu, I think thank you cards/notes are a good way to get dc thinking about others and not just taking presents for granted. If someone has gone to the trouble an expensive of choosing a present then I think it is only r

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 12/02/2014 09:03

YABU. Why would you want to be thanked twice? Hmm

Tractorandtree · 12/02/2014 09:06

Stupid phone - only right that the recipient takes the time to write thank you.

For ds1's 4th birthday he made thank you cards and signed his name in them. For his 5th birthday he will be practising his writing by writing proper notes. It's been a mix in his class - we've had a couple of thank you cards, a few emails similar to the op's one and a few where nothing is said or sent at all. I must admit I'm a bit Hmm at that - it doesn't take much to send a quick thank you email which is better than nothing. Maybe I'm old fashioned...

emblosion · 12/02/2014 09:09

YABU - you've been thanked already! Why do you need it in writing?

Waste of paper and time. I wouldn't think to do this unless it was someone I would be unable to thank in person.

chemenger · 12/02/2014 09:13

I have always thought that a thank you in person negates the need for a thank you card - why do you need to be thanked twice. Thank you cards are for gifts received in the post or sent with someone else so that you can't say thank you in person. We usually phone, its less effort. I wouldn't have the energy to spare to care if I didn't get one (or, to be honest to worry about not sending them)

Thetallesttower · 12/02/2014 09:14

I have received lots of thank you cards for my children's gifts, but we don't send them. Why? Because I hate parties where there's a black bag at the door and the presents are literally shuffled in with no recognition whatsoever. I always get mine to take the present, say thank you and open it (pretty much always had time at every party even though people claim they couldn't possibly do this/get duplicate toys). Then, at the end, we give a party bag or book, say thanks for coming, the child says 'thank you' and it's all done.

No need to have thank you cards, lists of who brought what, vague 'thank you for the lovely gift' statements.

Just bypass it by being polite and accepting the gift the child is bringing. Very easy.

OpalQuartz · 12/02/2014 09:20

It takes a lot more time, money and effort to host a party than ut does to rock up with a gift and let your child be entertained for a couple of hours, so perhaps you could write a thank you card to the host?

ZingSweetApple · 12/02/2014 09:21

Lucy is an ungrateful little shit - she should write a card, perfect calligraphy expected!
And it must be a handmade card of course - delivered by fairies by the glittering moonlight.

that is what we do.
my children wrote me thank you cards the day after they were born, thanking me, naturally.
Anything less is simply unacceptable.

oops, gotta go, Chevron and Quinoa, my 18 months old twins have just finished the draft of their first book - I must ring the publisher.

PavlovtheCat · 12/02/2014 09:24

How many times do you need to be thanked? I am guessing the present wasn't just taken from your hands without a word or acknowledgement? then a thanks in the email, and then you want another personal one?

Three lots of Thank You? What on earth did you buy her?!

wigglesrock · 12/02/2014 09:29

Thank you cards for classmates after a party is one of these things I've only ever encountered on MN. My kids don't send or receive thank you cards. At birthday parties, I say thank you when the child comes in, I say thanks again when the child is picked up & I text a quick thank you that evening - usually along the lines of - thanks for the pressie. xxxxxx was so good at the party, a real pleasure to have. See you soon.

I've 2 in primary school & neither have ever received thank you cards.

I sent thank you cards for wedding/ baby presents & occasionally if someone does something above & beyond for me but that's it.

Supercosy · 12/02/2014 09:30

I'm quite into thank you notes and cards myself but think that if someone has said thank you then that is plenty. I also think the email was ok. I wouldn't have worded it like that myself but it's a perfectly acceptable thank you. What is mot acceptable imho is no thank you at all. I agree that is rude. I have 2 nephews who never text, call write or even say thank you when they are in the same room and I think that is unbelievably rude.

firesidechat · 12/02/2014 09:34

I have never sent nor received thank you cards. Not during my childhood nor during DDs. How odd for someone to be so upset about it...

Agree with this.

invicta · 12/02/2014 09:42

I must live in a strange area. My children nearly always receive thank-you letters from friends, and mine always write them. ( aged 14 and 11)

If I send presents, I don't expect necessarily thank-you letters from older nephews and nieces, but I do get annoyed when I don't hear anything back, even a facebook message to say that it arrived safely. I don't want them to think I hadn't sent anything!

Catsize · 12/02/2014 09:46

I find it incredible how many on this thread have never sent a thank you card.
And there was me feeling guilty because son's birthday is just before Christmas and for a couple of his thank yous, I combined thank you cards as I didn't get around to sending the birthday ones before Christmas. He is 2.

2rebecca · 12/02/2014 09:46

I've never sent out a written thank you if my children or I have thanked the giver (adult or child) in person.
For me thank you letters (or emails or phone calls any form will do the pen isn't a superior method of communication) are only important if the present arrived through the post.

Wingdingdong · 12/02/2014 09:56

I'd put money on Lucy and her darling little over-excited friends, hyped up on sugar, having ripped the paper off all the presents together, with Lucy's mother in the background vainly protesting 'no, please, Lucy, save them till we get home, Lucy, no, Lucy..." - whilst removing a stray hair clip from her crawling DC2's mouth, offering drinks to the adults and trying to organise the children into a game of pass-the-bloody-parcel Grin.

Clearly Lucy's mother is trying to be insouciant about the fact that she doesn't have a clue about who gave which present, and 2 of them have obviously been regifted by the parents of sons anyway.