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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a thank you card from 4 year old?

321 replies

tinyshinyanddon · 12/02/2014 03:48

Went to the birthday party. Brought gift. Then a few days later the mother send out an email to all guests:
"I've decided not to make Lucy write thank you cards thus year. She loves all her gifts, each and every one."
There is more blurb at the start and end about thank you for coming/didn't we have a great time/blah blah blah.
Is it just me or is this rude? Clearly Lucy would not be writing the cards anyway (just signing them) so basically mommy can't be arsed. May be its normal?

OP posts:
hazchem · 12/02/2014 07:43

I thought the thank you was the party bag kids get to take home at the end of the party.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/02/2014 07:48

We didn't write thank you cards for my dds 5th. I couldn't be arsed.

peggyundercrackers · 12/02/2014 07:49

Yabu - you were no doubt thanked for gift when it was handed over and you have been sent an email saying thanks for coming etc... Nothing more is needed.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 12/02/2014 07:51

YABU.

I'm 25 and I've never sent a thank you card.

WooWooOwl · 12/02/2014 07:52

YABU.

You were thanked.

Worried467 · 12/02/2014 07:53

Yabu

In two years of school friends parties we have had one thank you card and sent non ourselves

Triliteral · 12/02/2014 07:53

Goodness, my children have been to many birthday parties, and we have given many gifts at those parties, and never once have we received a thank-you letter. Presumably the child said "thankyou" on the day in person at the party, which would (to me) preclude the need for cards afterwards.

Actually I find it odd that the mother felt the need to e-mail the way she did. Had she just e-mailed to say thanks, I would have thought she was incredibly well mannered. Is it standard in your area for these to be sent out after a party? I know we thank grandparents and aunts and uncles who send presents, but generally that is done because they weren't there on the day.

PuppyMonkey · 12/02/2014 07:53

I wouldn't have sent an email - or anything else. If you came to the party, you were thanked in person no doubt. And your child had a nice tine and free food at the party in return for the gift.

Please try and get over this MN. Cards were important maybe in the Victorian era, but now I think we should all move on.

Summerblaze · 12/02/2014 07:54

I usually do write thank you cards except this year as DS is has developmental delay and find it a struggle to even write his name so many times and his birthday is at xmas. However i have been thanked on the day, text from mum and the new thing seems to be writing a thank you sticker and putting it on the party bag. YABU. As long as you are thanked it doesnt matter how.

Wuxiapian · 12/02/2014 07:57

I'm almost 36 and have never sent a thank you card.

A verbal thank you sufficed at the time, or, for things sent in the post, we would thank givers on the phone.

TheBuskersDog · 12/02/2014 07:57

YABU, you've been thanked why does it need to be written in a card? Times change, when I left home I would write letters to friends/family to chat about what I was up to, can you imagine a 19 year old student doing that these days, but neither would I now as I have e-mail and text.

starlight1234 · 12/02/2014 07:59

YABU..My DS does not enjoy writing and I have never made him write thank you cards..He has enough enforced writing at school... At 4 it is mum who writes them anyway...

NearTheWindmill · 12/02/2014 08:01

She's 4, you have been thanked, you were invited to the party and you had a nice time. A quick thank you to elderly relatives and god parents yes. A party for the child's peers which will probably be reciprpcated - no, I don't think it's necessary.

GertBySea · 12/02/2014 08:02

YABU. I agree that cards are good for relatives and people that the child hasn't seen to thank in person.

But for a party, YABU. They are a big job to organise and most of the presents are tat. Obviously I'd never say that to the DC.

I don't think the mother should have drawn attention to the fact that Lucy wasn't sending them herself. She should have just sent the thank you email from her (the mother) and it would have sounded better that way, I think.

pictish · 12/02/2014 08:06

Yabu. I think in all the 12 years I've been a mum, and all the parties my three kids have gone to, I have received maybe three thank you cards/notes for whatever cheap shit gift I have taken along. I was surprised by them, as I did not expect one. By the vast majority it has been a cheery thanks next time in passing....which is more than adequate in my eyes.
Chill out.

pictish · 12/02/2014 08:08

Oh and I agree with puppymonkey.

ArsePaste · 12/02/2014 08:10

FuckSAKE. Get a grip.

Romann · 12/02/2014 08:11

YABU. My 3 dcs have been to hundreds of parties between then and I've seen a thank you card twice ever, once from a super-famous family, so that doesn't really count (I'm sure they want to be seen to behave nicely and not be big show offs). Thank you cards from 4 year olds is silly, especially if they've received the gift in person and said thank you already.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 12/02/2014 08:16

Yanbu
We have thank you notes from each party we have been to in the last 8 years!
Christmas is the same.

really1234 · 12/02/2014 08:20

YANBU OP. I am surprised at the amount of people who say that they have never sent or received thank you cards/ notes.

I always thought it was just common courtesy. It certainly is the norm here to get and send thank yous. In fact ds2 will be doing his birthday ones tonight after school.

glastocat · 12/02/2014 08:21

I have never given or received a thank you card. Actually I lie, I sent thank yous for my wedding gifts and most people were gobsmacked to receive them! Its just not an Irish thing I guess. SO YABU, you were thanked, thats more than adequate, thank you letters are obsolete.

elQuintoConyo · 12/02/2014 08:22

You were invited to help celebrate a child's birthday, no doubt at considerable expensegivn a goodyy bag (I presume), fed and entertained. You brought a gift.

I think that is a fair exchange.

Thank you cards have gone the way of the dodo. Did she thank you on opening it? The e-mail us a thank you. Would you want a generic 'thank you for my present signed x' card printed iff a computer to... what, theow in the bin two days later?

You were thanked. Move on.

(And I agree to pp^^ that it's presumed the mother's responsibility. Fuck.that for a bag of chips).

candycoatedwaterdrops · 12/02/2014 08:25

YABU, you were thanked. Also the child is still too little to sit and write cards, so it wouldn't be genuine anyway.

flipchart · 12/02/2014 08:26

I'm 47 and have teenagers who have had parties since reception years.

I have never given a thank you card or received one ever.

A thank you on the day seems to be the norm round my way.

I'm cool with that.

I certainly wouldn't expect one from a child.

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 12/02/2014 08:27

I think sending thank you cards to people giving gifts but not attending such as older family members is fine.

I wouldn't bother with those who did attend a party though. Personally, I'm not bothered about them and can't wait to put them in the recycling bin ASAP.