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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to do so much for my kids?

338 replies

Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 12:02

I don't think I am

But my friends think I'm mad to do everything for my teenagers,they get really irate about it
the only thing I don't do is iron for them as I was fed up ironing their clothes for everything to be scrunched up in drawers and wardrobe that it had to be reironed!!

I don't mind so why should others??

OP posts:

Original poster

Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 13:18

But it would be half a load of washing!

OP posts:

cariadmawr · 11/02/2014 13:20

Actually my 20 year old is a very loving caring adult he can and does do things for himself and both his parents and brother he had a lovely girlfriend he worships.if we are away he cooks cleans and makes sure our home.is as we want it .

He has not long left college andD is learning to drive so a time will.come where he does not need a lift my parents did.for.me and I choose to.Do for my sons . I would rather.drive him to.work than him not be able to get to.work.we live in a rural area so no regular transport .

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 11/02/2014 13:20

They should do thier own washing so they learn and know how to. Just start by getting them to help you with the washing, then gradually do more of their own.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 11/02/2014 13:21

I can't wait.

They can surely do a load or two of family washing, can't they?

And some household chores such as hoovering, dusting, etc.

Full participation.

I know you are totally convinced that they are breathtakingly grateful for all you do and will take over without complaint and in no way will see you as the template for their future relationships...

but I am still going to put this thread on watch in case it falls off my threads Im on before you come back to update in a week.

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2014 13:21

Every spoilt, lazy bastard I've ever met has had a wife or a mother who says "They're very appreciative".

So fucking what?

The still don't feel guilty putting their feet up while the woman runs ragged around them.

They might be 'appreciative' but they've got no shame at all.

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 11/02/2014 13:21

If it's half a load of washing teach them to top it up with other family members washing. Like other adults do.

Writerwannabe83 · 11/02/2014 13:23

Every spoilt, lazy bastard I've ever met has had a wife or a mother who says "They're very appreciative".

Brilliant!!!

Tell it like it is!!!

Chopstheduck · 11/02/2014 13:23

I cna see your point about the laundry - there is no point in individuals doing seperate laundry, but they should be able to put a load on for the whole family once in a while. Things need changing so that they pull their weight as part of the FAMILY, not so they are doing everything for themselves.

My 8 year old can put his running gear through the machine on a 15 minute cycle when he comes home caked in mud and hang it up to dry, etc. But I wouldn't want him to wash all his own clothes yet!

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 11/02/2014 13:24

true, worra. we can all say thanks sooooooo much, you're so good to me... from our lounging position on the sofa.

but maybe we are all wrong. Perhaps we will all owe skivvy grovelling apologies if it turns out her sons don pinnies and happily throw themselves into the new regime because they know how much she's done and in no way have learned to expect it.

I'll apologise. I may even chuck in some cake.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 11/02/2014 13:24

See, it might seem like a selfless act looking after your family because you love them, but I think what you describe is actually quite selfish. It would be easier for me to carry on doing everything for my 3yo - I don't mind changing nappies, tidying up toys, getting him dressed etc and I can do these things much more quickly and effectively than he can. If I didn't toilet train him, enlist him in tidying up or teach him how to get dressed I would a avoid a lot of mess, tantrums and frustration. I'd save time and we'd both be happy. It wouldn't be good parenting though!

Original poster

Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 13:25

But like I said further down I know ds1 can do a load of washing as when I was on holiday he had too!
Also when I came home house was spotless so I know he can clean too!

Just because I do everything for them doesn't make them horrible!
They are both lovely caring and have partners who they care for!

Ds1 has a job which he loves has never had a day off and gets himself there by bus as does ds2 to school!

OP posts:

NigellasDealer · 11/02/2014 13:25

What do you do for your teens??
food shopping, usually cooking unless one of them is making it, getting them to the bus stop on time for school and college, collecting them afterwards, facilitating their sports interests, washing some of their clothes, tidying their rooms a bit, talking to them and advising them....playing silly parlour games.......

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2014 13:26

Well it's true!

As long as they give the little woman a pat on the head now and then, or the odd bunch of flowers, she's happy to carry on skivvying.

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2014 13:27

OP do you not think it's horrible to allow someone you love, to become your servant?

Roussette · 11/02/2014 13:28

Skivvy... so he ruddy well should! It's what everyone should do.. get themselves to a job (if they've got one) and your DS2 get himself to school.... it's hardly rocket science is it... millions of kids all over england are doing this every day in case you didn't realise!

I think it's a need in you. You need to be needed. Do you have much else going on in your life apart from your DC? How will you feel when the youngest leaves home?

GoodnessIsThatTheTime · 11/02/2014 13:28

My ex had a mother like this. She meant well but it did him no favours. He'd go home from uni (fully catered and cleaned) and she wouldnt even let him make a cup of tea. If you visit you are waited on hand and foot.

When we married... he just assumed I'd cook, clean, bring cups of tea. He didn't even realise he was doing it, but having never in his life having had to do anything he never thought of it. He usednto say"oh we'll just cook with whatevers in the cupboard" with no idea how the cupboard got stocked....!!

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 11/02/2014 13:29

Nobody is saying they are horrible, terrible people who kick puppies and nick lollypops from toddlers. Honestly.

Just that what can happen when people are not shown how to be or made to be independent and what people can and often do turn out like and why it's best to guard against that and why it's in their best interests to make yourself redundant.

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2014 13:29

Oh ffs this just gets worse

You think an 18yr old getting himself to work by bus is noteworthy?

You really do have low expectations I'm afraid.

I'll bet that is what makes your friends so frustrated.

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 11/02/2014 13:29

It's not about them knowing how to switch on a washing machine if they absolutely have to as a last resort. They need to learn it's an essential part of everyday life that they should be doing as standard.

You are so going to get posted about on AIBU in 15 years

GoodnessIsThatTheTime · 11/02/2014 13:29

So yes, I'd say mums who say "oh I don't mind" or "id rather be in control" etc think they're doing a good thing/helping when really it's quite damaging to have an unhealthy dependence at that age.

NigellasDealer · 11/02/2014 13:30

cariadmawr - I know what you mean about rural areas!
and your son is learning to drive - my bro has not even done that! I am sure your son is not a lazy lump like the bro!

Original poster

Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 13:30

I don't think I am their servant!

Granted the toothpaste and probably football boots is a bit far but as I said that's just habit that I agree needs broken!

Everything else I'm doing it anyway so why not for them?

OP posts:

amistillsexy · 11/02/2014 13:32

They shouldn't do their own washing, they should notice when there's enough washing for a full load, take it to the washing machine and wash it. They should also empty it when the cycle's finished, hang up the washing to dry (or whatever method you use to dry clothes), and fold it once it's dry, depositing piles of neatly folded clothes onto each family member's bed.

They should do that because it's what needs to be done in a family.

The fact that they have dicks doesn't in any way preclude them from doing these things although my MIL seemed to think so with her 3 sons

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 11/02/2014 13:33

you're not receiving, are you? In the words of Judge Judy

Half the posts on here have very clearly explained exactly why.

You are not being attacked. Your sons are not being attacked. You have nothing here to defend. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's all very good humoured.

Worra hasn't even bitten you yet and I don't think anyone's wasted a single biscuit.

NigellasDealer · 11/02/2014 13:33

Everything else I'm doing it anyway so why not for them
becasue you are not preparing them for adult life when you are dead?
sorry but death is part of life!

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