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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to do so much for my kids?

338 replies

Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 12:02

I don't think I am

But my friends think I'm mad to do everything for my teenagers,they get really irate about it
the only thing I don't do is iron for them as I was fed up ironing their clothes for everything to be scrunched up in drawers and wardrobe that it had to be reironed!!

I don't mind so why should others??

OP posts:
Original poster
Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 12:27

Only reason I do the toothpaste is to make sure they do clean them which they 99.9% would, that's probably just habit from when they were small!

OP posts:
ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 11/02/2014 12:27

you.. seriously.. what? you do... WHAT?

you put toothpaste on their toothbrushes?

Is this a pisstake?

Let me be clear, I am not calling troll when I ask that. I am genuinely asking if you are in fact joking about that.

QueenofKelsingra · 11/02/2014 12:27

as previous posters have said, you should be raising your DC to be self sufficient and able adults.

My DS1 is only 4 but he is learning to cook with me, he knows how to separate his clothes for the laundry at the end of the day, he helps me make his bed, he knows what powder goes in the washing machine and dishwasher. Even my 21m DTs help tidy up at the end of the day. it isn't about whether I want to do things for them or not, its about making sure they have relevant life skills for the adult world and I believe the earlier you teach them things the easier they will find it.

as they grow of course I will help them out, I will still do the bulk of the housework, ironing, washing etc but they will be expected to do each household chore at least once a week so they learn how and understand the work involved in running a home.

cory above is spot on. (although I have more faith in 4yo DS than DH in relation to those questions!!)

Writerwannabe83 · 11/02/2014 12:27

You put their toothpaste on their toothbrushes????

Please tell me you aren't serious????

That actually made me laugh out loud!! - I'm sorry OP but that's just ridiculous!!!!! I was quite capable of doing that by myself when I was about 5!!!

WeAreDetective · 11/02/2014 12:28

You put toothpaste on their toothbrushes!? Shock

QueenofKelsingra · 11/02/2014 12:28

x-post...toothpaste on brushes???? WTF???

IamInvisible · 11/02/2014 12:29

I think this is a wind up, tbh!

I do a lot for my kids because my mum was/ is shit and I want them to have a better mum than I did. But toothpaste on toothbrushes for an adult? Not a bloody chance!

FreddoPops · 11/02/2014 12:29

put toothpaste on their toothbrushes

Wait.. What!?

I wonder if these are the people who expect their partners to do everything and/or run off to mummy when their partner wont be their skivvy for them.

NigellasDealer · 11/02/2014 12:30

total wind up - this simply cannot be true!!

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2014 12:30

Is this a pisstake?

Yeah I think so

Probably on the back of the useless husbands thread

TravelinColour · 11/02/2014 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 12:31

I turn it on then it heats up then I shout them to get up!

Your all right they should be doing a lot of stuff themselves, I'm probably just stuck in the mould that I have always done it for them and it's probably easier and quicker for me to do it (ok not the toothbrush and shower)

OP posts:
Original poster
Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 12:31

It's very true!

OP posts:
Joysmum · 11/02/2014 12:32

You can do what you want, your choice.

Personally I see it as my job as a parent to make my DD as self sufficient as possible and encourage her to want to be self sufficient. I'd see myself as a failure as a mother if I didn't do this.

bakingtins · 11/02/2014 12:32

Your friends have a point. My 3 yr old can do more than that for himself.

Has to be a reverse AIBU and you are the friend

Pontouf · 11/02/2014 12:32

Um. My son puts toothpaste on his own toothbrush. He is 3.2.

The entire point of parenting is to raise happy independent people surely?

LisaMed · 11/02/2014 12:33

If they manage to get a woman to live with them then those women are going to hate you. Because you are setting up another woman to do that for those young men and look after any kids and possibly work outside the home as well. Their lives will be grim.

How do you think that your young men are going to react to women who don't run their shower and put tooth paste on their brushes?

My h isn't as bad but I have never forgiven his mother for sending him out into the world incapable of looking after himself. She wanted to make sure that he never left home, but that's another story.

Writerwannabe83 · 11/02/2014 12:34

Do you feed them too or have they had to learn how to use a knife and fork?

CailinDana · 11/02/2014 12:35

I think you're being selfish and disrespectful by treating them like tiny children. They'll eventually treat you with contempt because that's what you're doing to them. How can you have an open equal relationship with a fellow adult (which is what your 18 year old is) if you act like that adult is so incompetent that they can't put their own paste on their toothbrush?

Your relationship with them is really unhealthy IMO and will lead to problems, if it hasn't already.

NigellasDealer · 11/02/2014 12:35

I must admit i have started running my son's bath in the morning but that is only cos he is a filthy fecker and otherwise would not wash. also telling him that the bath is overflowing is a sure fire way of raising him from his pit.

FreddoPops · 11/02/2014 12:36

that's probably just habit from when they were small!

Do you wipe their bums for them too?
Wouldn't want the poor little mites to strain themselves.

Grin
BirdintheWings · 11/02/2014 12:36

Ah. It's rumoured that certain of the Royals have been baffled by the fact that toothbrushes are not self-foaming.

Possibly yours will also be surprised by the blast of chilly water from a non-pre-heated shower when they leave home and their uni mates will rib them about the screams of shock for weeks.

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 12:36

Ds1 can do stuff for himself he had too the last 2 years when we went on holiday and he didn't want to come,
Granted I did have to write down how to work the washing machine! But he managed even if he did live off pizza and pot noodles and they occasional microwave meal!

OP posts:
ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 11/02/2014 12:36

ok, since you say you are not joking, fair enough.

The point of being a parent is not to encourage lasting dependence. It is to teach them how to be independent adults. This is not most easily achieved by doing everything for them until the day they leave home and then expecting that they learned how do do all these things by watching.

Are you teaching them budgeting skills? Are you teaching them how to shop? Cook? Clean? How to be fully functioning adults?

It is the job of a parent to make themselves surplus to requirements.

you don't teach them how to ride a bike by riding it for them until they're 21 and then handing it over and expecting that they'll pick it up and ride away.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 11/02/2014 12:38

I see they are boys. (or at least one of them is)

Are you teaching them that it is not the role of any woman in their life to put toothpaste on their toothbrushes?

Because, as others have said, any partner of theirs is going to HATE you.

Expect to read about yourself on here in 15 years Wink

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