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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to do so much for my kids?

338 replies

Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 12:02

I don't think I am

But my friends think I'm mad to do everything for my teenagers,they get really irate about it
the only thing I don't do is iron for them as I was fed up ironing their clothes for everything to be scrunched up in drawers and wardrobe that it had to be reironed!!

I don't mind so why should others??

OP posts:
MrsOakenshield · 11/02/2014 20:16

but that's my point - you'll have to accept that not everything will run like clockwork anymore - and that's a good thing. 6.30/7 isn't too late to eat - and anyway, what about the weekend.

You need to relinquish control, which I'm guessing you're going to struggle with!

Instead of making the dinner, run yourself a nice long hot bath and have a good soak with a book and a glass of wine, and wave your menfolk into the kitchen when they rock up to rustle you up the quite marvellous meal that you deserve. They can load up the dishwasher, put the bins out, clean up the kitchen, do the ironing, make their lunches - while you relax in front of - I don't know - a marathon run of Sherlock (if I had several hours of BC I wouldn't be giving a shit about the state of the house).

Go on - I dare you!

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 20:31

6.30-7 is late as dd goes to bed at 7.30pm
and the weekend ds1 is out fri-sun most weekends (granted he could try one night he's not)
And ds2 is out every weekend too but he comes home at night,

I'll try and teach them when and if they are home Smile

OP posts:
TravelinColour · 11/02/2014 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 11/02/2014 20:45

It sounds like I'm making excuses but 1 plays football on a Saturday the other goes to watch football,

I will definitely try and get them to make something sometime though

OP posts:
TravelinColour · 11/02/2014 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/02/2014 08:19

Well ladies last night I told boys to get them selfs organised this morning ds1 he does it anyway but he made his lunch last night ds2 I did put his shower on this morning to get him out of bed he got up had his shower took ages to get ready made himself breakfast sugar everywhere! Then decided he never had a clean shirt I had just done a white wash so he had to TD one it's 8.18 he's not left for school as he's ironing not brushed his teeth yet and only just made his lunch!! I well stressed out Hmm

OP posts:
TamerB · 12/02/2014 08:23

The stress levels will go down if you find something to do and ignore!

TamerB · 12/02/2014 08:24

I remember my mother not liking the way I did things- I said 'don't watch then!'

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/02/2014 08:30

Just missed my bloody bus now so going to be late for work!!

OP posts:
TamerB · 12/02/2014 08:35

Letting go isn't easy!

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/02/2014 08:36

Don't think I will if it's going to be like this!

OP posts:
ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 12/02/2014 08:42

Its only like this BECAUSE you have never let go.
its your failure (sorry to be brutal Grin ) to start all this in small ways at a reasonable age that has resulted in this.

you can go back to doing it all, since you have now proved us all right that they are unable to just pick up smoothly Grin because it would be easier for you you control freak Wink but easier doesnt mean best.

and I am now firmly convinced you are indeed my mother, with a second , secret, family. Grin

Pigletin · 12/02/2014 08:45

OP I thought you said they could cope and can do stuff themselves? I guess that was just in theory. Unless you stop babying them they will never learn.

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/02/2014 08:52

At this moment in time I couldn't really give a flying fuck if he learns I'm severely pissed off boss is going to go nuts (she's a dick!) and that little shit is grounded I think I need a fag!!!!

OP posts:
Onefewernow · 12/02/2014 08:58

I don't think you need to say they should be cooking or washing specifically. My 17, 15 and 13 year old do the dishwasher, the bins and their rooms. They might go to the local shop and they certainly unload stuff I've bought.They usually Hoover one extra room on top of their own.

I never ask them to wash but they do take it up and put it away and they pretty much don't cook, although they can and do if I'm out. I don't really expect them to cook after a school day and a walk home.

It is about making a contribution- it doesn't exactly matter what.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 12/02/2014 08:59
Grin You know, I really genuinely like you. Theres something about you that is fundamentally likeable. Even though you have serious control issues I imagine you as a benevolent dictator. Grin Go have your fag, picture youself shoving a poker up your bosses nose and think of all the women in your sons' futures who may not now beat them severely with a tube of toothpaste if only you can ride this out.
MrsOakenshield · 12/02/2014 09:01

of course it's going to be hard - you have allowed yourself to be at their beck and call for 18 years! But that's the thing - it is hard, but necessary.

Tomorrow you make it clear that when you leave they leave too, ready or not. They need a rocket up their arse, not their mummy namby-pambying them!

(BTW, I reckon they acquiesced so easily because they knew you wouldn't keep it up. And yes, you are making excuses for them - you excuses for why they can never prepare a meal are pretty feeble!)

MrsOakenshield · 12/02/2014 09:02

completely agree, ISee - the OP is lovely and infuriating in equal measures!

TamerB · 12/02/2014 09:12

Benevolent dictator is an apt description! Love it! Smile

TravelinColour · 12/02/2014 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum · 12/02/2014 10:21

There you go, if that's not proof that they need to practice being independent I don't know what is?

Your children need to be able to be I dependent and manage their own time, that's basic life skills. I'm doing this with my DD who is in her first year at senior school and I could if I wanted, stay in bed and she'd still get herself off to school on time in the mornings. That's how it should be.

WilsonFrickett · 12/02/2014 10:26

Well there you go.

I read your update as proof that your children really aren't the capable mini-adults they deserve to be, and that they need more practice and more skills and more to be getting on with it.

I suspect you will read it as proof you were right all along and immediately swing back into the old ways. Please prove me wrong!!!! Pleeeeeease Grin

Also, it is entirely possible your 15yo knows if he does a shit job this morning and makes you late, you'll spring back into action tomorrow. Just sayin...

towicymru · 12/02/2014 10:52

If DS2 can't get up in time to do his packed lunch - he does it the night before (before any TV etc)! If he spills sugar again, he goes without next time (and that will be good in case he doesn't clean his teeth properly Grin!

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/02/2014 11:29

I was late because I only have 3 sets of keys ds1 had a set with him DH has his set on van keys and one set left I needed them as I'm home before ds1!

I've text him saying before he goes out at night saying his packed lunch has to be made and school uniform laid out and if need be shower the night before!

I hope I can stick it but if this carrys on!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Skivvywoman · 12/02/2014 11:29

I was late because I only have 3 sets of keys ds1 had a set with him DH has his set on van keys and one set left I needed them as I'm home before ds1!

I've text him saying before he goes out at night saying his packed lunch has to be made and school uniform laid out and if need be shower the night before!

I hope I can stick it but if this carrys on!!!

OP posts:
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