It is selfish for parents with disabilities to have DC

[undecidedanduncertain]

Apparently one DC is okay (if the disability is not too severe) but more is really selfish.

A parent at a playgroup said this to me today. She has (I think!) failed to realise that I am registered blind and have 3 young DC.

It makes me wonder how many other think this, but don't say it in front of me.

Ah MrsJay I had exactly the same comment from my FiL. He even told his neighbour that he reckoned we wouldn't be able to cope with another one. However the neighbour was with her daughter, who is a really good mate of mine, and she absolutely tore a strip off him and praised my parenting to the heavens.

good for her what a arse twit he was

Isn't having a very low IQ a disability in itself? I'm sorry if I'm using the wrong terminology.

I dont have a very high IQ I am just not very bright though I think you mean a learning disability

I on the other hand, cant walk but am a mother fucking genius.

My parents were both physically disabled. I'm the youngest of 5 children. I had the most loving and wonderful childhood. It is not for anyone without experience of being parented by parents with disabilities to pontificate about what is best for the children of those with disabilities.

Those people who think my parents selfish, would you come up to me in person and tell me that I shouldn't have been born?

Ken's post was perhaps not very elegant but it's perfectly clear what he meant. It's the situation of the rights of people with profound learning difficulties to have a sex life. Yes, they have but not at the expense of society ignoring the consequences.

This question has been considered by courts with various outcomes.

There are degrees of disability here. The last case I remember being reported concerned 2 adults who had no understanding sex created babies. The court found there was no possibility they could be left with a baby or would be capable of raising a child.

Other cases will be far less extreme and with support parents might cope. The courts do have to address the rights and capabilities of parents who may have insufficient legal capacity for example to even consent to marry or other contractual capacity and will not be able to provide adequate parenting. Love is not always enough.

Mrsdeve

Yes I can totally see how some may not understand how to support rather than take over the parenting role of disabled parents

Because I have seen this happen with disabled children were adults pretty much don't allow the children to do anything for themselves

I don't believe I ask any more of my children than an able bodied parent. My son fetches and carries stuff if I ask him, and will get himself breakfast. But I ultimately care for him, when I get ill they stay with their dads, my biggest worry is emotionally how they deal with me being disabled and I sought for help with that from Young Carers.

Fanfucking

You seem really good and you have a well thought out plan for well your ill so try not to worry children are very adaptable

It's tricky when you you want them to have the same type of family as everyone but

You giving them confidence that they and you are ok :)

Fan fuck

Do you know if there school can support you some schools run talking circles

My son attend one around me braking up with ex it was fab it was called seasons of change of something

Very well said MrsDeVere.

I haven't read the whole thread so forgive me if this has been raised before, but what do these idiots think about people who become disabled AFTER they've had children? Do the children get taken into care? This woman is an ignorant fool and is best avoided.

my biggest worry is emotionally how they deal with me being disabled and I sought for help with that from Young Carers.

you are doing nothing wrong young carers isnt just about the fetching and carrying physical stuff and if your children benefit and you have piece of mind then it is win win imo, I know a few parents whos children use young carers

*Our oldest boy ended up doing less because I was so keen for him not to be a carer.

I think quite a few disabled parents do this.*

yes they do I think it is to do with people and some professionals being judgemental IYSWIM it is hard wired into some disabled parents although sometimes it is the rod for your own back

A balance is hard to find

okay my aunt and uncle had five children baby one was fine (im speaking medically) baby two severe disability lifelong care and they knew they had a good chance of having others the same yet they still went on to have 3/4/5 the son who is disabled might not have made it out of childhood he needs 24/7 care and they spent most of his childhood relying on carers to "take the burden" and they risked having more? less than 12 months after he was born they were trying for a baby (or having another one im not sure which) if it were me i might have thought longer because my cousin suffered at the hands of doctors trying to straighten his legs and get him upright etc he is still in a wheelchair imobile and still not communicating so was the years of screaming worth it? im not sure all i know is im not convinced i would have bought three more kids into that environment within 5 years of his birth

i also know a couple who decided to have no children at all because they stood a very good chance of getting a genetic condition which was serious (i think little or no chance of survival) they didnt want kids with anyone else and couldnt have them together because they were both carriers and would not take the risk

personally if i had my third child first with his medical issues i would have thought twice about having two and three and there is a four year gap between 2/3 because 2 had medical issues at birth and we made sure they would not happen again

A.life is still a life even if the person is severely disabled. It is not for us to say they shouldn't have been born.

Kenndod I get what you mean about learning disabilities but have you ever seen the Dakota Fanning film 'I Am Sam' about the father with learning disabilities fighting for custody of his young daughter? It's pure American cheese but I think it makes its point - with support, he is an excellent father and his daughter loves him unreservedly.

Your =belongs to you
You're means you are
Their = it's belongs them
There means the place where it is
Where, is the location
We're, means we are
Wear = something you put on your body, you wear a dress
Were....

Sadoldbag, if you cannot work with young carers without being neutral, open minded and non judgemental about their circumstances then you shouldn't be or should not have been doing advocacy work in the first place.

What I said to mummyofone, was a normal response. If people feel enough empathy for these 'poor young carers' then either contribute financially to charities that support them, as most of the outside help to support them comes from the voluntary sector. Or the alternative is to contribute your time.
If you care enough about it, that is.

It's is it is btw and was a fucking autocorrect :o

Owl lady

Fucking childish

Those who have lost the argument usually lower themselves to personal insults like a school child

Very low have

Oh have another wile your busy correcting spelling

Some of us were very happy to care for our parents with disabilities. Walk a mile in our shoes before you start to claim that our parents were selfish for having us.

Sadoldbag, it's you're not your. There is nothing wrong with your spelling