It is selfish for parents with disabilities to have DC

[undecidedanduncertain]

Apparently one DC is okay (if the disability is not too severe) but more is really selfish.

A parent at a playgroup said this to me today. She has (I think!) failed to realise that I am registered blind and have 3 young DC.

It makes me wonder how many other think this, but don't say it in front of me.

Nobody questions the parenting choices or rights of people without disabilities.

Oh, I think they do, being able bodied doesn't give you to a life free of criticism.

op I bet your children are extremely intuitive because of your issues.

good for you and that woman was a twat.

has anyone seen Alison Lapper with her son. there is a well adjusted happy wonderful child and a fantastic mum.

I can think of many able bodied bastards who had children the Philpotts for one.

I think Alison Lapper would hold hands if she could.

Yes, I bet she would, as I said, it's the easy option.

No way. I am disabled and I love my children so deeply, they are well cared for and when I needed support I asked for it.

One very difficult question I think are the issues around people with disabilities causing very low IQ. Lacking the capacity to understand all the implications of having a child or even a real understanding of how babies are made. Sex and love feel nice, why shouldn't they be allowed to enjoy this part of live, if they want to. Somebody then has to make very very difficult decisions for them or, if they have the capacity (even deciding if they have the capacity), help them make those decisions themselves. Very very difficult job.

What Vegetarian said in her first post. The act of having children is inherently selfish. I don't think anybody can argue that.

Why does it matter if some people think that disabled people shouldn't be parents? It's their view, however wrong and they won't be dissuaded from it no matter what people say.

I think there are quite a few people out there who think that it's risking disability being perpetuated. They can think that if they want to. I agree with the view that it must be a very difficult situation to purposely have a child to be a carer to another one. I wouldn't do it but I wouldn't criticise another parent who does; they ultimately have to live with that decision and care for the child(ren).

I don't think being disabled makes someone a bad parent, just as not being disabled makes somebody a good parent. A good parent is a good parent.

Ken nodd

I don't think having a low IQ and being disabled are linked

Do you really think people with disabilities set out knowing their child to be their carer?

Please explain kendod you might want to re read that post

Yes it is. No more than it is for a non-disabled parent to have a child though

*may be

it is nonsense.

However I saw a documentary a few years back about a couple who both had quite severe learning difficulties and the woman was blind. They had about 8 children. The blurb was weren't they so loving etc etc etc - yet they fully expected the older children to parent the younger ones - they couldn't do it themselves. But the older children couldn't do it either - the baby would be left in the same dirty nappy all day, and the older girl would be told off. I think it ended with the mother heaving another baby.

An extreme example, but it made me very very sad for those children.

Mrsoak

I saw that it was a documenty of a visually impared couple

I don't think having a low IQ and being disabled are linked

Isn't having a very low IQ a disability in itself? I'm sorry if I'm using the wrong terminology.

And they didn't want outside help dispite ss best efforts

I don't aspire to be 'inspirational'. I think it's quite annoying for members of any minority group to be expected to be flagbearers of some kind. I am just a parent, like most others, who does some bits of it well and some not so well.

I have to agree with this it is very true

I think leaning disability if that's what you mean is a comply different kettle of fish

leaning disability if that's what you mean Yes, sorry that's what I mean, couldn't think of the word.

antana agree wholeheartedly with you. Had adult services out finally to assess me yesterday and they will arrange for someone to come in when dh is in work. But while he's here, it is his job to do everything they will not arrange for someone to come at all, not even once, if he is home.

So he has the choice of working four 12 hr shifts and then caring for four whole days, then four shifts etc, forever. Or leaving me, in which case someone would then be sent around. He'd probably even get full custody of the boys if he wanted it. Not that he would do that :)

I became ill after our second child btw. I am not coping at all now. If someone said that to me on the rare occasion i made it out, i'd either burst into tears or lamp them.

was it? I remember that she was, but not him - it was a while back. And there were certainly learning disabilities with both of them. It was a few years ago, my memory's shocking. I just remember thinking that it sounded very inspiring, but it wasn't, it was just depressing. They didn't seem to have any concept of the burdens they were putting on 10 and 11 year olds.

You know this whole argument about having children to be carers for disabled parents, Well Price George has just been born to be King, he also has very little choice in that, I don't think I've heard a single word of criticism of his parents for that.

At the age of 72 she is still looking after her grandchildren when I work and I have never provided any 'care' for her. Sweeping generalisations about all people with a disability are not helpful.

exactly I know several parents with disabilities and illnesses not one of their children are carers for their parents mothers mostly, they might do something for their mum my dds do things i cant they reach for me they might go to the shop for me if i am not able to get out, they know i cant walk fast so will slow down , but imo it is only something anychild would do who was part of a family,

lamp them.

I vote for that option.