hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

Hi Mummywithsmiles

It does seem odd to those of us who skipped out of our childhood homes and settled into independent living, but I'll bet that you've got reasons for remaining at home. Not paying your way, though, that's a bit harsh for your Mum, an extra adult to feed and house.

Salmotrutta - Thats true but people got married at around age 20 then anyway so still moved out pretty early.

Mothra - It's not that i fear it. I want him to be free to do it! Like i did and my parents before me. And i don't see what intelligent, articulate or polite has to do with it - i am and was all of those things, as are my parents. I just did the dancing, drinking and fucking too. They aren't mutually exclusive. I never 'trashed' anywhere tho.

I lived at home until I was 26. I worked, paid rent to DM, and did more than half the housework. I also did the food shopping. It was great and I know she loved it too but we were more like two adults sharing a house. I moved out when I met DH.

I wouldn't want to move back in now but I think in the current financial climate it makes sense for SOME adult children to stay at home. I do think they should behave as a contributing adult to the household though.

Houses are cheap round here.
If my DC are still here at 32 I will leave.

My DD is 21 and just finishing uni. She will be working in the USA over the summer then plans to move home while she looks for a more permanent job. I know she will be keen to find something and move out again fairly quickly but i won't be kicking her out if this doesn't happen. She has friends round and boyfriends to stay (she has only had 2 of these). I don't interfere with this. I certainly wouldn't see her homeless and struggling.

Hmmm this thread is interesting
I think my opinion is skewed by the 40 year olds I know still at home
But maybe I don't need to shove mine out the door quite so fast
I'd rather they rented with a friend though than stay at home until they're 30 though but maybe they needn't go at 18

I think this is very much a generational thing.

I'm in my 50s and even when I was growing up the majority of my peers didnt go to University but got jobs, stayed with their parents and didn't move out until marriage.

And don't forget that mortgages didn't even become freely available to most people until the 70s so owning your own home was not an option for the average until then.

I moved out to go to uni and moved back in my mid twenties due to health issues. I wasn't earning enough for a deposit in London. I paid £250pm, helped out at home and worked full time. I left for good at 30 and actually left the country. My mum now has lung cancer and tbh a part of me wants to move back in with her and dad to help out (though obviously DH wouldn't be that keen on me doing that....).

I had boyfriends, I went out on the piss and lived my life and had/have a brilliant and close relationship with my parents.

My two brothers however - one lives at home during the week for work reasons and travels back to the wife and family at weekends. There is an agreement that he pays rent but its like pulling teeth and dm put her foot down about doing his washing etc. The other brother moved his gf in with them last year and mum was cooking/cleaning/washing for 5 adults. She came to visit me a lot for the sake of her sanity. That db and his gf have a place of their own now so finally mum and dad feel like they have their own home again (at weekend at least).

Mummywithsmiles - how are you all fitting into the 3 bedrooms at the moment ?
And do you think it's likely your sisters will move out soon ?

mummy why should your sisters move out if your there too? Also I'm sure you will be claiming your entitled benefits so why shouldn't you pay towards your keep?

Regarding not claiming housing benefits, it's there for all that need it. Hopefully you will eventually get in to work and you will pay back in to the system.

Many cultures abroad do live with many generations but housing isn't freely available as it is here.

What are you going to do if you fall in love with so me one and want to start a new home together?

Tbh why should you move out while you have got it so easy!

oliviaoctopus - most people didn't get married at 20.

It was more like 23/24 amongst my peer group tbh.

but until you actually really are the one responsible for the rent/mortgage you arnt really independent are you.

I want my kids to be strong and independent

we will always be here for them but we have been parents for 24 years now and still have at least 5 until dd is 18.

me and dh want time to ourselves then.

we are still relatively young and have our own lives to lead too. .

pointless comparing cultures as ours is ours and yours is yours. totally different t values.

Some times it's the parents who wont let go. When I got married at 21 and moved a good distance away from my folks one of my mum's friends got all teary on her behalf about 'how can you stand to let her go?' etc. etc. My mum was very at this and more along the lines of 'she's known her own mind since she was a teenager. I've brought her up to think for herself, as is my job as her parent, and this is how it's meant to be'.

I'd moved out for uni at 18 and only been back for holidays when there was a gap in my student accommodation. Both kids of my mums friend still live at home (eldest is almost 30 like me) and any time they try to move away/out she lays a massive guilt trip on them. Does everything round the house for them and does charge any rent.

Oh I will be paying , just waiting for money to be sorted ..only just put in the claim I will pay her when it comes in. My sisters both pay 400 a month.

Well I would think your mother would feel it if she lost £800 a month. Does your mother work herself?

It sounds very cramped!

Most of my parents peer group were out and married at 21 with mortgages but they are a little older than you. Maybe it depends on your area.

So do your 29 and 32 year old sisters share a room then?

As long as they contributed to rent and bills in a manner that meant we could afford for them to stay, I'd be allright with it. I'd prefer they have kids by 32, though.

that should say doesn't charge any rent

If what someone wants is 'their own home', I think people need to realise that having children is not compulsory.

No, I'm not being glib - I fully recognise that no one has a child expecting him or her to never move out. All the same, I would be amazed by anybody who refused to allow their son or daughter to stay in their home because they were "too old."

There is a possibility a child could be born so severely disabled that they will never be independent - or a later accident could mean this is the case. Circumstances especially in today's times mean unemployment, family breakdowns and repossessions are increasingly likely.

The concept of having your own home pales into insignificance next to that - or should - but the great thing about modern life is that if you do want your house to yourself and don't want to share it with pesky kids, don't have them!

Mishmash I have it far from easy thank you. I pull my weight and don't ask for anything. I will be paying my own way and up until 28 weeks pregnant had worked since leaving school and was at uni.
My sisters share a room, and I have my own which I will share with daughter when she comes home.

That's my feeling lifeforsale - it really is tough getting even a decent rental if you are on low to moderate income and I really think it's getting ever more difficult to save up a decent deposit for a mortgage.

Its not crowded its a big flat, they never shared til I moved back in. My mum would probably feel the lose of money and yes she works full time.