hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with adult DCs staying at home with the parents for an extended period. It's all about the relationship dynamic. I have one friend just turned 40 who still lives with her parents and one in her late 40s who lived with her mum up until she passed away last year.

You can't have absolutes on something like this.

Body I see your point, but not having your name on the rent doesn't necessarily mean you aren't strong. For some people staying at home will be the more mature decision. My DM needed my financial help at the time, and would have struggled if I'd moved out with friends. I have other friends who have stayed with their parents because it's their wage keeping the house.

I also see friends of DM whose adult children are at home and frankly taking them for a ride. I think it's all relative (ho ho, a pun).

Salmantrutta I agree, a 1 bed flat here is about 1300 a month !!!!

My DS has autism, quite severely affected (in special school) so I'd be surprised if he moves out before the age of 30. We'll be able to give him the financial help to be able to do so though, and we're lucky to be able to do that. We'll also probably adapt our living space so he can become semi-independent within the home (have his own lounge area etc).

I grew up in London and many of my friends lived with parents until their late 20s/30s - it meant they could move straight into a mortgaged home rather than renting flatshares, as they'd had years to save for a deposit. I moved out quite young myself (age 18) but I had a council flat to move into. I shared with flatmates just before that and I hated it.

It's completely up to you - your family dynamic has been developed by the only people to whom it should matter, you and your family.

I was officially at home until I was 25, though did stay a lot with my boyfriend (now DH). I have a great relationship with my parents and I didn't have the income to move out. No problems at all!

I'm always amazed that anyone would get aerated that someone else's offspring should choose to stay with their parents and that their parents might be quite happy about it.

Our 5 dc all left home to go to uni. They all came back for holidays and for a couple of months while applying for jobs. None have lived with us permanently since the age of 18/19 all had their own (rented) places by 22/3 and all are now married, parents and homeowners. If any had wanted to live with us temporarily they would have been welcome but rent-free would not have been an option.

I left at 18. I'd be happy to offer my dcs a home for how ever long they need one. I'd probably try to help them overcome whatever obstacle was in their way if they still did not have their own place in their 30s but if they wanted to stay with us they could.

What if they physically couldn't pay rent would ppl leave them homeless?

mummy where is your lo now? Is she ok?

If it all works for you keep the status quo! In my home at the moment dd2 things have taken over! So be prepared fir even less space!

If they physically couldn't work then they would be entitled to sickness benefit and housing allowence

Allowance

I think part of living at home so long into your 20s is infantilising, but another part is prematurely ageing. I want DS to be out having adventures not sitting eating shepherds pie with me and DH and watching midsomer murders! There is a natural order of age appropriate behaviour and progression and i think people who stay at home for practical reasons like saving money, miss out on a big chunk of development. Doing silly reckless things, living in a grim house share etc - all these things teach you something and make you a more rounded person imo. I want ds to rent a crap hole for a while and struggle a bit. I don't think you should move out of home into a nice house you own. I think you should gradually build up to these things. Just like i'd hate ds to marry his first gf - i think you need to kiss a few frogs on the way to learn about yourself. I think living in a few house shares/rentals is part of that too.

And i don't believe people can't afford a house share if they are working FT. Even in Chiswick you can get them inc bills for about £600 a month.

I'm always amazed that anyone would get aerated that someone else's offspring should choose to stay with their parents and that their parents might be quite happy about it.

Exactly.
Good job we don't worry about the opinions of others.

Blithereens yes fair point and see your situation as a sensible one.

mummywithsmiles personally no of course not but my ideal would be for them to move on and take control of their lives.

And if they physically couldn't wash themselves? Cook? Go to the loo?

Yes, carers, people say - but I often think people would be amazed at how low the funding for care actually is, and how people with high needs nonetheless end up low down on the priority list.

Gosh, I started working the September after I graduated from Uni. Wouldn't have occurred to me to stay at home, especially after having lived away for 4 years! I lived in some less than salubrious parts of London - all part of the learning process IMHO. Can't imagine going back to live at "home" after uni

MrsKoala - I moved out at 18, went to Uni, lived in a crap student house, froze in winter, ate cereal when I had no money blah blah blah

.... It ain't all that

nevermind I don't think that's the same scenario as the op stated. Obviously people would need to stay home then

MrsKoala your comment on watching midsommer murders made me chuckle. oldest ds is home waiting to join the navy after uni, he was doing just this with us on Saturday night. he is usually out though!

we all had wine and a good laugh but he actually can't wait to go.

I tried to get HB to help with living at mums but they said I couldn't. She is still nicu will be there a while , I have been banned from hospital for 2 days due to a proxy cold erghhhh.

And I know her stuff has already taken over but tbh I don't feel confident enough to live on my own with her yet and probably won't for a while.

I'm not ashamed I need support.

I know if my sisters moved out which will happen at some point , my mum and I will need each other.
I did move out at 16 to study ,I came bk at 28 weeks pregnant.

I am in my late 50s. I left home at 18 to flat share in London as I had work there and because I couldn't stand my mother (too alike). I also wanted to have lots of sex and drink cider - neither of which I could do in my parent's house.

My DD left home at 22 for 2 years and rented privately. She came back to save for a deposit as her rent and utilities bills were astronomical and she was getting into debt. Unlike my mum and I, my DD and I actually like and respect each other. I am cool with her having sex and drinking cider if she wants to. Having said that, she has a steady BF and they are both saving. I expect her to move out in the next year or so. I would be disappointed if she didn't actually I would be gone myself to live by the sea

I think it is different for young people these days. Costs are so steep and flatshares don't seem to be as popular as in my day. I would never have dreamt of asking my DPs to bail me out financially but I am much more willing to do it for my DD. Go figure because I can't!

Salmotrutta - It bothers me as a concept because i worked with young people long term unemployed trying to find work/internships. The amount of them who still lived at home, and despite being bright, had no ability to function or drive to do anything for themselves (the expectation that someone would just find them a job - ie me) was shocking. I think it's a social phenomena which is unhealthy for society as a whole. I think it is indicative of a lethargy and apathy which is the antithesis of the concept of youth and rebellion.

I left at 18, brother left at 20. 19 year old still lives with my dad.

I wouldn't go back.

salmot my lowest point was boiling a egg in the kettle fir dd1 as I had no money for gas!

Thankfully things improved!