hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

It is very damaging aged 18 and trying to make your way knowing you have no base to to return to if things get tough ESP when all your mates have. I will be there no matter what while ds finds his way no matter how long it takes

I would allow dd to stay at home at any age if there was a medical reason for doing so. Assuming she stays healthy, once her education has finished, she'll either go happily into the world and make a life for herself or I'll push her. Early twenties at the latest. That's assuming she's going to a university close by and for some reason can't live in student accommodation. Ideal age would be eighteen.

It's the job of the parents to raise their children to be independent, no healthy thirty year old should be incapable of taking care of themselves but those who are allowed to sit at home with their parents often never learn to.

18? God my ds still calls this home. he can look after himself that has nothing to do with living at home. I can't imagine any of my friends pushing their kids out at 18

I'd actually like to know what people think the parents of adults at home do for them?

'I'd actually like to know what people think the parents of adults at home do for them?'

Me too. They get a roof over their heads and access to services.
And company if they want it, DS and I are watching a dramadoc on Thera and Atlantis at the moment because archaeology and legends fascinate us both.
DD is out. With friends. Somewhere.
OH is pottering in the workshop.

If you live with your parents as an adult you are cushioned.

No skin off my nose what others choose, I've done my best to raise independent adults who are used to managing their own lives,making their own decisions and dealing with the consequences

I live with my parents and I'm 28, do want to move out but would rather save for a mortgage than pay rent (which would actually cost more up here).

My mum loves me being here, we get on very well, I keep to myself and give her and my dad space, I buy and make my own food.

I've done my best to raise independent adults who are used to managing their own lives,making their own decisions and dealing with the consequences

Give me fucking strength...how does living with my parents make me any different in those senses?

Be happy, perhaps you will develop some zen-like calm and tranquility now you have unburdened yourself, cut those apron strings and have forever to float together with your partner.

Yeah.

Obviously all those people with 20somethings still at home are crap at raising independent adults Suzanne.

Looks like I hit a nerve...bit touchy there aren't we

No nerve here - both of my DC are out of the parental home.

But they know if they need us or a roof they can count on us.

No, no nerve...just a shitty day but I'm not actually going to let your self righteous smugness irritate me...far more important things in life to worry about

If you still live at home you will be, in most people's eyes less of an adult than someone who lives independently of their parents.

It is something which detracts from your status

'If you still live at home you will be, in most people's eyes less of an adult than someone who lives independently of their parents.
It is something which detracts from your status'

OH lived in at Oxford for years. had his meals supplied, laundry and cleaning done. The scout would probably have dressed him if necessary.

I think about my status in the eyes of the world constantly you know. I'm terrified that I may be found wanting in the eyes of those that set the standards.

One of those two scenarios is not true.

Don't you worry that being a woman heading towards 50 and living alone, others may see you as a failure Suzanne?
Or are you happy to live your life the way that you choose to?

I don't think there is any one age for every family.

I've moved out aged twenty one, and ended up back with mum briefly aged thirty one to escape domestic violence.

My brother, almost thirty moved back in after being in the army since he was seventeen. He is sorting out his life, clearing debts and finding a place to settle in his own time.

Our mum is supporting us. We are also supporting her, as she became a widow in November and being around helps her to keep positive and social, even if my brother does infuriate her because he's grumpy and doesn't do housework until he's asked, and because I don't get up early in the morning, which she disapproves of for some reason which she can't explain, even to herself.

I see you've done a little research on me

How is that relevant, I'm an independent adult, this thread is about adult children living with their parents.

:o Mothra

I quite frankly couldn't give a shit if I'm considered less of an adult. ..thats their fucking problem

'How is that relevant, I'm an independent adult, this thread is about adult children living with their parents.'

It's about people judging others for their life choices, most have managed to state their point of view without resorting to insults. Some haven't.

the point about not being fully adult is that such a person is likely to lack strength of character and personal resources, you cant fully grow as a person if you are cushioned by your parents and that will hinder progress in life.

In the long run living at home as an adult is counterproductive.

My mum has always said we are welcome in her house. She recognises that sometimes even adults can have unforeseen issues and need a bit of support, and who better than the person who has cared for you your entire life. She recognises the difference between enabling immature behaviour and helping out her adult children during difficult times.

What about living in an Oxford college?
Or being a SAHM with a hubby who takes care of all the tricky stuff whilst you stay at home and play with the babies?
Or being a kept woman, like my SIL?
Or living on benefits forever in a council flat?

All choices that cushion you from the real world in one form or another.
My lot will leave home at some point, possibly the country. I'm just not fussed when.

I moved into my own flat at 18. I was earning £10k a year and my rent was £30 a week. I got my first mortgage at 20; £25k, so 2.5 times my income. Nowadays, I'm back to earning not a lot more, my rent is £109 a week, and would need a mortgage of around £60-70k, even with the decent deposit I've got, to get a dirt cheap house, so around 6 times my income. By the time ds is in his 20's, I can't imagine what the rent/mortgage to income ratio will be!

I just can't get stressed about dc's living happily at home. If the parents are ok with it and the dc are ok with it, it's a bit of a non-issue really. Of course, I may be plotting to emigrate far, far away by the time ds is grown up, but I signed up to this parenting lark, and, as such, will support him for as long as needed.

yes they are all choices that protect you from the real world.
I dont recall saying that living with your parents is the only thing that protects a person from real life so once again I don't see how your point is relevant?