hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

In my culture you stay with family until you get married then get your own house. (Obv. there are exceptions)

We don't 'sponge', we're taught from a young age to cook, clean and help out around the house.

IMO, the idea of absolving yourself from responsibility once your child reaches 18/adulthood is weird.

I lived at home until I was just turned 27. My children will be welcome to stay here until they wish to move out, as long as they respect the rules of the house (as I did) and would be expected to pay their way, as I did. I paid house keeping for food, the council tax was shared between the 4 of us and I did fair share of the cooking etc.

I just can't imagine being mid twenties, no health problems, and not wanting desperately to get out and get your own space.

mummy you may find that as your baby gets older, you will want to move out. You'll have a lot of other adults offering you well meaning but irritating parenting advice, put it that way

stays in his room most of the time

Er sounds unhealthy to me?! Why isn't he out with mates?

I left home at 18 well was kicked out when I announced my pregnancy to my dad. Had been wanting to move out since 14 I hated living with my dad

If you are an adult and you live at home, what do you do about sex? having mates round? coming home late/pissed? All these things i did a lot in my 20s and would not have been able to do at my parents house. It's infantilising. Also i find it very hard to believe the majority cannot move out. They just don't want to make the sacrifices/choices that would enable them too.

I would consider myself to have failed as a parent if my dc didn't have the ability or inclination to leave home by adulthood.

Put it this way Dance, my house has been hoovered today, a basket of ironing has been done, there is a shepherd's pie in the oven, the bathroom is sparkling and there will be an emergency dash to the shops as we are out of salad stuff.
I made the pie. That's all.

DanceParty but your son is clearly trying very hard to get himself in a position of independance & is paying his way within the household

OP's 32yr old sister sounds like she has no intention of going anywhere, and frankly by 32 she should.

'If you are an adult and you live at home, what do you do about sex? having mates round? coming home late/pissed? All these things i did a lot in my 20s and would not have been able to do at my parents house.'

Why not. MrsK?

I was in my thirties before I moved out.

I left it to late to get on the property ladder when they were handing out mortgages like smarties then couldn't afford to do it on an £18k wage by myself as I got into my late twenties.

My parents were happy that I lived in a safe and comfortable home rather than a dump just so I could say I'd moved out!

My god I had my own place at 16! Much too young really but it gave me my independence that I never gave up.

There is something strange about failure to fly the nest, I don't actually know where the fault lies kids/parents. My db lives with my 82 year old granny and he is 30. She treats him like a ten year old. He loves it.

What worries me is when she passes, as she is getting on, Where is he going to live??? Who wants to take in grown men child or women for that matter.

My dd1 is 18 and she has just moved in with her bf. We should nurture our kids to be stong independent, motivated young adults not twenty something apron string clutchers.

I find it v interesting . when daughter is a wee older if my sisters r at home I will move. If they move out I will stay.

hopefully fingers crossed, i am buying dd who lives with me a flat so she can move out - next year ( thats the plan) with her covering mortgage payments via rent - it will still be below the rent she would pay in this area

she might as well cover the mortgage on her own inheritance as far as i'm concerned, rather than pay rent to cover someone elses mortgage - for the same price.

DS1 rents a flat with GF

DS2 has no job security, i can't help him out until hes been in a job for a year and shows commitment to pay rent to cover a mortgage - i would totally do this for him, but i don't trust him tbh, he is foolhardy and strong headed, he wouldn't take injustice, and tell his workplace to stick it if anything arose - whereas i eat shit and pay my mortgage :)

point is, i would much rather they moved out, they do their own cooking, washing, ironing - we divvy up the communal areas of the house and each have chores.

one rule i have always said 'if you are or your get someone pregnant, i'm not having any babies in my house to live here, so make your choices wisely'

If you are an adult and you live at home, what do you do about sex? having mates round? coming home late/pissed?

Exactly ! My 3 colleagues who live at home in their forties do none of the above :(

pussycatdoll Mon 10-Feb-14 17:47:26

stays in his room most of the time

Er sounds unhealthy to me?! Why isn't he out with mates?

Because he has Aspergers and doesn't have any.

He does work fulltime, though, if that's helpful

I left at 18 for university and only went back for visits until I had to move back at 23 after a relationship breakup. I stayed 18 months, working and saving to do a postgrad course, which my parents were happy with. I wouldn't plan to go back now but I know that any of us, and our kids, wuld be welcomed if we had to go back fo a few months. I hope DD will want her independence but she'll always be welcome if she needs us.

Ummm because my parents wouldn't have allowed it - And neither would i.

My parents charged each of us 'rent' of £200 a month 10 - 15 years ago) if we were in full time employment but still lived at home. This included food and utilities but washing and cleaning were our responsibilities and we paid additional rent in kind but having jobs to do around the house. We all moved out by 25 at the latest.

I never said she had no intentions... I said I didnt . it just hasn't happened for her yet

RunRabbit - agree!

My dad moved in with his new girlfriend when I was 18, which meant I moved out. I spent university holidays sleeping in my car, on friends sofas and on the streets.

Great independence, that was.

mummy why don't you have your own aspirations to have your own home?

I would feel I had failed as a parent is my child was still living at home after age 19 ish. I left home at 18. I would love my DD to stay at home for ever but that is selfish.

If you are an adult and you live at home, what do you do about sex? having mates round? coming home late/pissed?

My brother and sister still do all those things. They are adults, they are allowed to.

I moved

Well, mine don't tend to drag random partners home for a quick shag after they've trapped off at the club, they do drink but not to the point of vomiting or being paralytic and their mates are lovely. They also come home late and have a key.
It's one of the reasons DD found sharing accommodation at uni hard, too many nosey, selfish and shag-happy students who came home at 4am and hammered on the door, too pissed to fit the key into the lock.

I wouldn't be happy sharing a home with people like that.