hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

Well I live at home with mum in a council flat and I will be relying on benefits for probably the next 3 years obviously I don't live in the real world and have a very cushioned life

In theory you may you feel you have every right to be smug but you don't because quite frankly I would rather a mum like mine over a person like you any day...my mums my hero

I'll never live in the real world, since I'll always be on benefits in a council house. Darn us immature, cushioned disabled people. We know nothing about life.

I live in a very real world, it's imperfect and so I get support to be able to live, some from the government, some from the council and social services, and some from my mum.

I am still a grown up in my own right, I do my best to live independently under some pretty piss poor circumstances.

If there are cushions in my life, I've yet to feel them. Yes I am extremely grateful for the help I get, but I think some people have a very skewed view of what real life is.

I was told a long time ago that I didn't live in the real world, because I chose to live somewhere beautiful and civilised rather than gritty and modern.
It depends what you see as real life issues, are my children less able to deal with the shit life will throw at them because their parents love them and each other, or because they've never been in a fight, or had sex in the back of a car with a stranger, or been paralytic to the point of vomiting?
Hasn't harmed their dad, he turned out OK. Odd, but OK.

Live your lives as you choose, not through the fear of how others might see you, it would never have occurred to me to start a thread like this.

Threads like this always highlight how 'WASP' MN really is. In any other culture, extended family living is the norm. Only in the UK, with it's constant indulging of children, is the mantra 'kick 'em out at 18' chanted.

In some ways it is amusing, because the average age of leaving home now is something like 36. Because the previous generation/s have been so greedy and pushed up house prices and rents so that no person setting out can afford those things. House share? What is this? I dont know anyone who house shares after university. It is a student thing.

Amen Grace. Suzanne you sound bitter and a bit sad.

I'm smug and bitter, self righteous and sad!
I'd have thought those qualities were mutually exclusive, well I had no idea I was so complex, so multi dimensional.
I'm truly flattered.

I think this depends on how you see a home and what it means to you. We have always had a busy house lots of visitors parties big meals etc and ds has always been a part of that and sees it as 'normal'. I would say 90%of his friends have similar. I also work from home and being freelance have always been able to do that. I see the home as all of ours. Ds still has to look after himself and learn the realities of life but he is doing that at uni tbh. I think the current housing crisis is going to change the way families live over time. I am not saying it is right but its inevitable unless you live somewhere cheap.

My DS( 21) moves out tomorrow!!! flags out! I love him to bits and he can come home at anytime, but he needs to be independant- he is moving to a flat share with a mate and is very excited about it- he has worked since leaving school and has is own car and pays his own insurance, gives me weekly 'board' & he does his own washing/iroinng etc-I have taught him well - my elder DDs x 28 and 25 also moved out around the age of 22- leaves me alone with DP at the age of 46!( apart from Dsd every weekend- oh well!!)

It's ridiculous to assume one aspect of someone's life should define them, and they should remain stunted forever in your opinion for not achieving one thing by a specified age. For me, finding social housing, setting up a care plan and sadly being involved in the hospitalisation and sectioning of my DF since the diagnosis of his progressive neuro disorder has been a bigger step into adulthood than a partying flat share would ever be, and surprise surprise, I actually managed to start the ball rolling while I was "tied to mummy's apron strings"

THIS ^^ from SinisterBuggy. I don't think anybody with an ounce of empathy could argue with that. Everyone's life is different. What works for your family might not work for others. I'm very lucky to have understanding parents. They have never complained about me or DSis staying with them for longer than we 'should.' Neither of us live with them now, but when we were they KNEW we were working hard, getting educated, having difficult times, or anything else that meant we didn't have the income to live independently. And I'm forever grateful to them for that kindness and decency.

I wrote this thread as I was curious I'm kinda new to this lol
From the beginning I stated my situation was different so wasn't offended by people saying 18 etc but suzzane what ever her name is was rude in general about everyone.

I do wonder if her kids ever found herself in my situation she would turn them away..if so I'm utterly shocked at her being parent. As looking at my beautiful strong amazing 6 weeks today whoop daughter I would do anything for her.

I'd happily have 30 year old DC with me as long as they were saving for a house and pulling their weight

Well whether you'd rather kick your kids out at 18, or have them with you forever I think everyone will be getting rather less choice about the matter if this "no benefits under 25" thing kicks in!

Either way, I don't see how it's anyone else's business unless you're personally unhappy that your kids haven't left yet!

I cannot understand the under 25 thing when there is no provision for this within the tax system etc for people who do still have dc at home. CB and tax credits stop at 18-20

Moving out doesn't make you any less dependant on your parents.
All DH's siblings moved out in their early 20's and are now in their 30's. They all still visit every day, FIL does all their odd jobs, MIL does all their ironing and does SIL's cleaning. They go for tea once a week and dinner every Sunday.
If anything goes wrong, powercut, their spouse working away they are straight back home for the night.

I moved out at 16 then back at 17 and out to live with DH again at 19 a month before DD was born. I always wanted to move out, I love my parents but I find living with them hard. I stayed with DC3 for a fortnight when we had our loft extension done, it was nice in a way but I couldn't do it all the time.

I don't know how I would feel about my DC living here into their 20's or 30's. I wouldn't kick them out but I wouldn't carry on Mumming for them either. To be quite honest we don't really have enough space for them all to live here as adults comfortably so maybe DH and I will buy a caravan!

What if you're a parent and you have to move in with your children (like we're debating with my parents right now - at least temporarily). Does that mean you regress? Or do your children?

People's circumstances can change and sometimes people lose their homes through no fault of their own and end up having to make adjustments. It can happen at any age. If DH and I were flooded to the extent that my parents have been, it might well be us talking about moving in with them, rather than the other way around.

Where I grew up the family consisted of parents with young children, older children, and grandparents. All spread out over the three floor house.

Wasn't abnormal at all, they took on longer mortgages over 100 years I think, something like that anyway. The family didn't separate at all.

My mother left when I was young and I grew up in what used to be the family home with my father and various step family. I did not feel welcome and left as soon as I could to go to uni and never went back.

I'd keep my dc for as long as they wanted to stay.