hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

I come from a family where generations live together, so I am quite happy for them to stay indefinitely.

It flows and changes. My inlaws are trying to decide whether they should stay in their current family home, move closer to us in a retirement village or if they would prefer they can move in with us.

My younger brother lives with his partner and our mother in my old family home.

My niece lives with my sister still along with great niece.

I can't guarantee that I will always be available to live with (we might travel again when the kids are old enough to look after themselves), but they will always have a home here, along with any of their children.

We budge up and make room for each other as necessary.

Mrs Koala I had quite a giggle at the "I'm still trying to make the music thing happen". That's cringe-inducing.

I've skimmed a bit but I do agree with MrsK a bit. I know a 19 year old with no job atm who told me he had worked it out and "would be able to" move out of his mom's basement when he found a job making $23 an hour. When I told him I'd never had a job that paid that in my life, he was shocked.

He just sits in the basement on his laptop drinking Dr Pepper. He does the dishes for his mom. That's it.

I lived at home until I graduated from uni at age 23. I only moved out because my job was a seven hour drive from my parent's house.

Commongintomyown- must admit I feel very similar and much as I love my dc I feel that it would be time for dh and me . But how on earth wod you tell a child they need to lea e. ? If they were struggling to afford too e etc and can't afford house etc. I really struggle with this as I really don't wa t to live with adult children.

I thinkit totally depends on the circumstances. if my children where earning saving for there own home and helping round the house then they would be welcome to stay.

If however they where like my SIL who is living at home at 36 because she's been useless with money got herself into debt a lot, always spends morethen she earns. Despite having a good job, has moved in and out several times but is lazy and does nothing round the house. And I think now it's probably a permanent feature, I would not be happy with them spoundging offus. Her parents aren't happy with her and the atmoatmosphere in the house often isn't pleasant. But I don't see her moving out as she has it so comfy there and way more disposable income then she had when livingon her own. Goodness knows what she'll do if her parents ever decided they'd had enough.

I would hope that my children will always regard our house as a safe place that they can come back to in times of need, a place of refuge.

Certainly in a case like that of the OP, I would feel very happy if I was able to offer support. With a child in NICU I would expect everybody to rally round.

But given that neither of my dc has the type of disability that is likely to need a constant carer, I would hope that they themselves are excited about getting out into the world, having adventures, experiencing a bit of adversity, having a life that I don't know anything about.

If their expectations are that you have to move straight into a comfortable middle aged life, with a good income and a house of your own, before you can even contemplate leaving home- then I think I would be a little disappointed.

Tbh, I don't care what other people choose to do, but I'm amazed that your sisters are in any way happy sharing a room. I'm 33 and there is no way in hell I'd be willing to share a room with my sister! Especially not if I was paying £400 a month to do so. I'd much rather have my own room in a shared flat (even if it cost more).

My DS was telling me about a girl who works with him in his weekend job who has left sixth form college is now working FT and whose Mum had said she needs to pay keep. I replied " And ?"

I told him that would be what would happen in this house too and he was quite taken aback

My DC know the financial facts of life , do a fair bit around the house blah blah but I feel their generation and maybe a couple above just don't get it and are too fond of seeing their life from their point of view and are quite selfish

It may be I am too hard faced but I had to do the grotty house share , moving around a lot when I was young and I have no intention of providing an escape for my DC from that at my expense and compromise of my lifestyle. If they were likely to contribute their full share in terms of money and effort that might be different but all the older DC I know who are older living at home pay little more than a token and the housework etc they do is minimal

I don't live in a culture where generations live together and nor would I want to. What that will look like when the time comes for my DC to leave and they don't want to I don't know. When I am feeling worn by teen behaviour like this morning I predict promises to do their share and it not happening and ensuing resentments/ arguments just like now really and that is precisely what I can't wait to not have in my life anymore and once they are older nor do I see why I should

Difficult to say. On the one hand I'd like to think I'd always provide a roof over their heads. On the other I'm envisaging people lying in bed all day, hogging the tv, bringing home friends unexpectedly, not paying their way, expecting me to wait on them. I suspect my dd particularly will be much like I was - desperate to escape.

i would not be telling ds to leave home but i would expect him to want to have his own independence by the time he is in his 20's

of course there will been circumstances where this is very difficult and he would probably be better staying at home, but if that is not the case why would he not want to fly the nest and live his own life be responsible for himself

freudian thats the whole point isnt it, why do some children not want...and the answer will depend on a huge range of factors that we cant blanket judge and write them all off as being non fledgers..

compos yes I have heard the same re asian families and MILS.

I would never want to live with mil, we don not get on...but if we did, wow that would be brilliant...all round win win?

I wish we did get on and we could all live together for a range of benefits...

IE IF if works for some people why not?!

newyearchanger

Living in student house shares is fun

Not to some people New....

On person saying non of us under any circs can use the tumble dryer...so we find ways round that with no where to dry clothes....come home un expectedly and oh the dryer is on...and who has it on " Yes I have it on, I need a top dry...so I had to use it" the one who told us not too...

Oh and fridge door training, being told to shut fridge door soflty so as not to expel too much cold air...

And being burst in on the bath naked with drunken flat mates fighting...

Horrid.

I am encouraging my Dc to go travelling etc when they are older and to enjoy life when they are young. That includes living away from home and the restrictions of us.
While I am saying "go travelling" part of me is telling myself to shut up. I would worry myself to death about all the dangers they may encounter. I would absolutely hate for them to meet someone from a different country and settle down a long way from us. BUT I still say it, because I want them to experience life and independence.

I suspect DD will be desperate to move out and go on her adventures. I suspect DS will be hanging around here, forever. He is much more of a homebird. It will be interesting to see what happens.

I agree that I could never have had a relationship with a man who still lived with Mummy in his 30's. What a turn off!
So Ds you can stay till late 20's at the most...

I feel sorry for your mum.... Parents need space too.

The sibs in your post and you are fairly near the same age as ours. It would drive me crazy living with 5 adults. And I adore them, but I don't want to live with them. Also as a parent it is my job to make sure they are independent autonomous adults who are capable of living alone. That's a parents job isn't it?

What orangeandlemons said.

One of mine has left home, got married and has a lovely new baby and is mid 20's. The other is a little younger and comes back from uni this year. She will move out as soon as she can afford to because she wants her independence. I would hate to have a 30 year old child of mine living at home unless there were very special circumstances.

We like having the house to ourselves and to not be parents 24/7. Maybe I would feel differently if it was just me.

Eldest DS moved out of home to be closer to his work at 17.5, he copes fine. DS15 can stay as long as he wants, I am ready for DD to move out, she is 8 .

I moved out at 18 to go to uni in 2012. Went home for the summer as contract on accommodation was only 38 weeks. Then got into a shared house with boyfriend and some friends, and I'm here now, but we'll be moving out (hopefully!) in a couple of weeks as we're having a baby and can't stay here. We've found a flat and are just trying to get the deposit and first month's rent together now.

I think part of it is to do with unrealistic expectations; a lot of people have said they'll refuse to rent, but for some of us there just isn't that option. Moving back home isn't an option for me too - my family have said we can stay there if we need to for a bit, and my relationship with my parents is great, but I know deep down that they can't afford it (they're on benefits because of my dad's illness), and I'd never want to be that kind of burden on them.

Obviously there are cases of bad luck, no jobs, relationship breakdowns etc where it's understandable, but I sometimes feel sorry for parents whose kids are using them as a hotel while they save up to buy their own house until they're in their early 30s.

I'drather

Life is what you make it... You can't just sponge off parents forever

My ds can stay as long as he likes He is at uni atm in shared house and says its over rated ! He comes home a lot though and I let him do his own thing and treat the house as his home. His mates are always welcome and I can't see how he will afford to move out for years!

To the person who said about sharing rooms .. My sisters never shared a room when I wasn't here. When I was in hospital before I officially came back they switched the rooms around and they made the middle is room there room and gave me the large room and offered me to me to come home.

BTW my op said living with parents not sponging of them.

Mummy, in your circs sounds great idea.

My dc come home all the time and four months over the summer from uni. They are great but messy and have their partners also over all the time. I like it but I don't know if I want another five years of seven in the house