hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

I still had boyfriends back (none were serious enough to move in with), went out and got drunk a lot, paid rent, bought my own food and cooked my own meals so I was quite independent anyway.

I wouldn't particularly want to live with anyone who 'got drunk a lot' - whether it was my parent/husband or teenage child. Is that what 'being independent' is about? .

It is perfectly possible for most children to save towards a deposit, my DS is only 12 but has already saved £2.5k in his savings account, he proudly announces it is for a deposit in the future . If you look at the Christmas threads on here you can see how much some children get spent on them for presents - if even 25% of that was put in a savings account I am pretty confident that many children could save a reasonable sum by their late teens. As many have said on this thread, some (not all) young people's expectations are incredibly high - latest fashions/expensive gadgets/holidays abroad/eating out/drinking/smoking etc etc.

I think it depends on how it works. We get on brilliantly ad I wouldn't want my ds to pay someone else's mortgage while house prices are so high. It's unfair and not secure too many amateur landlords.

mummywithsmiles - you do sound like you have a lovely, generous family and I hope your baby's health improves soon. Just do what is best for you and your loved ones.

Ragwort yes independence is about the freedom to do your own thing and that includes getting drunk if you so wish. My parents didn't mind, they had their own lives to worry about.

When your DS gets older you might find he likes getting drunk too!

Anyway I don't even drink now.

I think part of the problem is that house prices and rents are so high that few young people can afford to move out if they are single. I can only afford to rent a room off someone at the moment as I don't earn enough to manage all the rent and bills on my own.

But Crinkle77 I am sure most of us older mumsnetters started off renting a room, I couldn't have dreamt of having my own flat when I got my first job - I even had to share a bedroom with a girl friend in a big house we all rented together. As I said earlier I do think expectations today are very high (aware I am sounding like my own mother now ).

Latara - I am sure my teenage son will want to get drunk; I used to drink too much when I was a student, but I wouldn't have come home to my parents' house in a drunken state.

My son does come in drunk and brings all his mates back I am asleep though so don't see it! Its his home as well I come home drunk occasionally and with him its occasionally too. I think rents are extortionate even a house share here is 500 per room plus council tax and bills.

Where I was brought up - renting privately and house shares was unheard of really. There was a huge housing shortage. Universities were local so no need to pay extra for student lodgings and bills etc so most students lived at home. People forget that situations and expectations can be different.

I grew up living with my mother, brother and grandparents. My mother was a single mother (more unusual then- 1970s). I remember the rows..my mothers frustration at having to live with her parents.
It isn't the ideal for a lot of people...you only have to read all the threads on relationships with DP/IL.
Also, with the bedroom tax, people in council properties are 'encouraged', once DC leave, to give up their homes...there may not be a family home to boomerang back to.
I have so far resisted the councils prompting to downsize because although DC have all left for now they may need to return at some time.

I do remember that when I first moved out of home into a flatshare it was a real shock - my dad is very neat and tidy, I was trained to keep the house immaculate.... then there I was sharing with students who left mess everywhere, dirty dishes, bins overflowing with rubbish, left the bath dirty after using it, the cooker was filthy; it was disgusting!
Despite my efforts none of the flatshares I lived in were very pleasant.

I think some of the smug people on here are going to be in for the shock of their lives when their children hit their late teens.

We can wait candy.

I agree, you can plan for certain things to happen at certain times but life always has ways of throwing a spanner in the works!

I certainly planned to leave home by 20, well that never happened until I was 24 due to lack of a secure regular income (had to temp etc etc).
My sister moved out at 19 with her boyfriend then moved back aged 20 when they split.
Neither of us went to uni straight after school or took gap years - we worked and earned very low wages.

Yeah, late teens are a bit of a double edged sword.. Delightful and charming and almost proper adults, but selfish too

As I've been here for 13 years I am sure I will still be around for another five years to let you know what happens .

I speak from the experience of seeing many friends who are utterly fed up with their teenage kids living at home and are too frightened (or wet) to do anything about it.

Still, happy to review my smug comments in a few years time .

Parents don't always know what will happen to THEM when their children hit late teens / early 20s - mine certainly never planned to split up; for a while there it was like my sister and I were the parents.

I'm thinking 22/23 is about time. Mine are all under 6 though so I have time to change my mind.

But what would you do if they still were at home ?

Latara did you see my post on Monday at 20:26 - about a parent who was homeless, no one commented on that situation.

Mummy - my parents sold up themselves in at attempt to kick my adult brother out who was still living at home in his late 20s. In fairness that had decided to move away when they retired. .

Mummy, presumably they'd buy their adult child a tent as a leaving present. Or a cardboard box.

I think its easy with just one dc. I am quite happy with a busy house Orange has it spot on though thye are spectacularly selfish although ds has really learned a lot from living in a shared house at uni the cost teh mess etc etc

You lot must feel really sorry for my mum
My 5 yr plan does not include moving out ,so I will b st least 27 and daughter 5.

Don't worry mummy All my mates have 20 somehtings at home and LOVE it :)

If your mums happy and you sound very switched on it doesn't matter what anyone else's views are.
Times have changed , people grow up a lot more slowly now and rely much more heavily on their parents. Also parents tend to be less strict about bf and gf staying over than they were when we were 20 or so.
It's just worth remembering that unless you are literally buying into a house on equal financial footing with your oarent(s) then they are financially supporting you and that should be appreciated.

I'm 30. I can't afford to live alone, nor with my DP. We have a room in a shared house. Not ideal at our age but far better than relying on our parents. We are adults.