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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my daughter spoken to like an idiot?

201 replies

Wingebag · 09/02/2014 19:01

My dd has just turned 1. She has a few words but understands a lot of what we say to her.

MIL came over today "shall we go for a walk walky walkies?". I has to restrain myself from saying "no, but you could go for a walk". This isn't out of the norm for her, everything she says to my dd is in ridiculous baby talk. I always speak to her in a soft tone, but with normal words. AIBU to request that MIL stops the baby talk (y-walky-talky) now as she will be picking up on it?

OP posts:
TamerB · 10/02/2014 07:05

That was my point , thegreylady, children are very direct and will put grandma right themselves! I remember as a child being baffled by 'toothy pegs' , they were teeth as far as I was concerned and I said so, it makes the person then look fairly foolish! Only last week I heard a 2 year old say, quite scathingly, 'it's not........it's ........' He wasn't being rude, just direct. People will insist on thinking children have no minds of their own. Your child will sort it out themselves OP, when they are able. Keep your battles for the important stuff.

SirChenjin · 10/02/2014 08:18

Exactly - all this talk of 'it's silly' is right - it is silly, but language is there to be played with (see my earlier poem from Spike Milligan), and in the meantime, pick your battles and don't waste time on the trivial things in life - like your MIL saying walky walkies. Life is far, far too short.

Triliteral · 10/02/2014 08:32

My mother used to drive me mad when my babies sneezed and she would coo in this ridiculous tone "ooooh God Bless". Nobody in our family ever blesses anyone, and just the over-emphasised tweeness made me want to beat my head off the wall. She did grow out of it eventually though, and your MIL will too. I don't think it will do your daughter any harm. She'll learn fine if you talk to her normally.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/02/2014 08:37

My DD is 7 and doesnt speak.

Must be because I say "doggies" to her.

Crowler · 10/02/2014 08:39

Yes it's stupid but your MIL would probably feel pissed off/humiliated/censured if you said anything to her about. As has been said, pick your battles.

saintlyjimjams · 10/02/2014 08:48

Fanjo I was told off for saying gee gee to ds1 when he was about that age. The helpful person completely missing the point that he could say gee gee (or nee nee - an approximation of it) - & couldn't begin to say horse. He now signs horse riding or uses his talker.

The point of speech is communication - it doesn't actually matter which words are used at this age (or at any age if your child grows up to be an adult with a communication disorder). Motherese is regarded as a good thing by those who understand language development because it increases attention (which helps language development).

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/02/2014 08:52

FiL told me off for saying "roni" to DD because then "she will never learn to say macaroni". Hmm.

TinyTear · 10/02/2014 08:57

I used to be like this when pregnant... i would talk normally and not use silly words...
ha!

My 2yo loves her splishy splashy bath bath and putting on her jim jams and having yummyyummyyumyumspaghetti

but at the same time she speaks a lot and corrects me if I forget or say the wrong word (like i said yummy yummy bath and she said 'Nooo splishy splashy bath!!')
Grin

and she knows fireworks and helicopter and olympics and skating and many many words...

So I shall continue giving her bicsits...

bodygoingsouth · 10/02/2014 09:04

I am still in my Jim jams and have a hotti botti on my feet. my pretty princess kitty coo is next to me. I am 50. Confused

Nanny0gg · 10/02/2014 09:07

Oh, I do love a bicsit!

And pisgetti is nice too...

I love the way toddlers 'mangle' the language while they're learning.

extracrunchy · 10/02/2014 09:11

There was a study recently that established babies actually benefit from baby talk in terms of their language development. Here: www.washington.edu/news/2014/01/06/babbling-babies-responding-to-one-on-one-baby-talk-master-more-words/

Cookethenook · 10/02/2014 09:13

YABU.

It's actually quite beneficial for pre-verbal children and adults to be spoken to like this. I mean, copying their noises and language quirks. You're speaking their language and it's like saying 'i accept you the way you are'. DP's auntie works with a lot of pre verbal children and she teaches this to her staff.

I'm not saying speak like this all the time, but she's only just learning and you can correct mistakes she picks up as she gets older.

PansOnFire · 10/02/2014 09:34

A year ago I would have agreed with you but since I had my DS I've done a u-turn with my opinion re. Baby talk.

I usually speak to my DS like he's an adult which the majority of my family think is hilarious. I'm just not the cutesy type! Anyway, my family use varying degrees of baby talk and DS interacts with them much more than he does when I try to get him to do something. I'm not saying it's the baby talk exactly but I do think it makes things seem more appealing to them.

I'm having a go at it, not in an over the top way but he is more eager to repeat the 'fun' words. Try it yourself, you might lighten up a bit too Smile.

randomAXEofkindness · 10/02/2014 10:49

I've just picked up ds3 (who's 1) and said "Ohh, come here you beudiful beudiful scrummy yummy smoochy bum!" - now try and say that while you're pissed off. It's near impossible to baby talk without the pitch, pace, emphasis and inflection in your voice changing to convey warmth, affection and love. I think it's also a reminder of who you are speaking to - try to use baby talk to give your baby age inappropriate instructions, again, near impossible.

I think that the op's MIL sounds like she loves her DD. It would be unreasonable to not appreciate this, there are many posters here whose dc's don't have that benefit, me included.

I've always used baby talk intuitively with babies/toddlers. It was reaffirming to read the research supporting it a few years ago. It didn't surprise me that something that feels so 'right' to do, is beneficial. That said, I did/would do it regardless of any external support for the practice. To answer the person above who asked what the MIL would be 'scared' of, possibly she would be scared of slipping up (probably inevitable because baby talk is an intuitive response not a conscious one) and being berated by the op. I can imagine it will also make future interactions between gran & grandchild awkward and uncomfortable while the op is present and that the op's dd will feel this and suffer for it. It's been established that baby talk is helpful, not harmful. It is yet to be established whether the op's pedantry will be helpful, or harmful, but it doesn't look good, does it?

vladthedisorganised · 10/02/2014 11:45

Cut the OP a little slack - not everyone is comfortable with using baby talk. I would say that the OP's MIL using it isn't going to do any harm and the fact she's interacting with the OP's DD is a good thing all round.

However, to my mind it's equally silly to say that not using baby talk is harmful, as it is to say that using baby talk to a one-year-old is harmful. Not talking to a baby at all is harmful.

SirChenjin · 10/02/2014 11:59

No-one is saying that not using baby talk is harmful. Otoh, the OP's earlier posts attributed her MIL input to her DSDs delayed speech Hmm

NigellasDealer · 10/02/2014 12:03

damn greythorne beat me to it with the 'motherese' - isnt it an important step in language development?

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 10/02/2014 12:19

I have a vague feeling that the Tellytubbies and In The Night Garden was written by someone with a speech therapy background.

Which goes to show that speech development is more complex than you'd think.

My own (completely non expert) opinion is that it doesn't matter so much how you talk to your child as long as you keep talking to them. I talk in baby talk to ds. I talk in normal talk. I discuss factorisation methods (my big fascination) with him - admittedly that's because unlike the nearly 4 year old and the nearly 38 year old I live with he hasn't yet learnt to roll his eyes and say "boooorrrrrriiiinnnnngggg". I sing silly made up songs. I sing nursery rhymes. I perform the songs from Glee. (He really likes my "Edge of Glory") I witter on about how we need to remember to get milk from the shop.

randomAXEofkindness · 10/02/2014 12:34

Yes vlad, nobody is saying that not baby talking is harmful. If any harm was done, it would probably come from the negative impact the op policing MIL's harmless behaviour would have on dd and MIL's interactions.

TamerB · 10/02/2014 13:07

I fail to see how playing with language can be bad for a baby, which is all you are doing. I know several children who are bilingual and talked to in 2 languages from birth and therefore I think they can cope with a dotty grandmother!

TamerB · 10/02/2014 13:07

The best sorts of grandmothers are a bit dotty IMO.Smile

SirChenjin · 10/02/2014 13:15

It's so true Tamer. My mother was a mad as a box of frogs and the DCs adored her. We miss her very much - but she brought more joy and happiness to them than MIL who prefers to draw on all on her years formal experience of being an Infant Mistress when interacting with the DCs Sad

Goldmandra · 10/02/2014 13:18

The best sorts of grandmothers are a bit dotty IMO.

In that case I'm sure I'll be one of the best and my own DCs will find it excruciating Grin

SirChenjin · 10/02/2014 13:20

Just pray that you don't get a DIL who offends easily Wink Grin

TamerB · 10/02/2014 13:21

I'm looking forward to it! I intend to be very dotty. I have done my sensible parenting bit- on with the next stage!