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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my daughter spoken to like an idiot?

201 replies

Wingebag · 09/02/2014 19:01

My dd has just turned 1. She has a few words but understands a lot of what we say to her.

MIL came over today "shall we go for a walk walky walkies?". I has to restrain myself from saying "no, but you could go for a walk". This isn't out of the norm for her, everything she says to my dd is in ridiculous baby talk. I always speak to her in a soft tone, but with normal words. AIBU to request that MIL stops the baby talk (y-walky-talky) now as she will be picking up on it?

OP posts:
StickEmUpBigStyle · 09/02/2014 19:48

Yanbu only coz this does does my head in even though i only listen to people doing it to others kids. I don't have any.
Hence a different answer, i know nothing of babies Grin

pictish · 09/02/2014 19:50

My ds2 didn't speak until he was 3, and certainly didn't speak clearly until he was four and a half.
Who can I blame?

Thetallesttower · 09/02/2014 19:50

My dd was home with a daddy who spoke with a heavy accent- she didn't imitate him! Children don't get language from an adult who visits once or twice a week, indeed, their language is not just mimicked, it is triggered, otherwise they would never use a new word we had never heard of!

cory · 09/02/2014 19:51

My MIL spoke a different language to dc from the one I did (that's because I'm foreign). Didn't cause any language delays at all, nor did it cause dc not to understand her: they just learned that "hund" and "dog" are the same thing. If millions of children all over the world can cope with two languages (in fact, globally, bilingualism is more common than monolingualism), then I reckon your dd can probably cope with the linguistic quirks of your MIL.

Joysmum · 09/02/2014 19:53

I never did baby talk with my DD and found it hilarious that she would say what I wanted to and would correct people, 'it's not 'doggy', it's dog!' Grin

I was her main carer, I would correct her with those exact words with a smile and she'd do the same.

SauvignonBlanche · 09/02/2014 19:57

What a horrible comment about your DSD! You really don't like your MIL do you? Hmm

bodygoingsouth · 09/02/2014 19:57

I wouldn't have dreamed of being so controlling.

your mil can talk anyway she likes to anyone as long as she's not offensive.

get over yourself.

Original poster
Wingebag · 09/02/2014 20:02

I am honestly not trying to offend anyone, my comment about dsd is just a pondering - we are entitled to think out loud aren't we?

My current concern is that yes, her speech annoys me, but dd also seems to interact less with her than other family. I do wonder if this is partly because she just doesn't understand her. DH & I have chatted about it & he's noticed it too - dd just stares blankly at her or ignores her, whilst she babbles away to fil, my parents, her Uncle & people at groups.

I am in no way trying to cause issues with the mil, she is lovely & I'm so happy for my girl having devoted grandparents. I just cringe inwardly every time she opens her mouth! Hmm

OP posts:
chunkythighs · 09/02/2014 20:02

wow, my son didn't speak until he was 3- I must have been a really shitty mother. Hmm
OP- it's actually MOTHERESE- as a professional, you should be aware of it.

Seriously pity your MIL- Can she do anything right?

MrsOakenshield · 09/02/2014 20:02

I can't stand baby talk, drives me nuts. I have always spoken to her like she is a person (who happens to be 1 year old, or whatever age she is at the time).

And for what it's worth, DD has excellent speech and vocabulary and has from a fairly young age. Without anyone ever having the need to add a 'y' to the end of every other word.

Pagwatch · 09/02/2014 20:06
Hmm
nkf · 09/02/2014 20:08

I love baby talk. And silly songs. I think you sound weird to be honest.

MrsOakenshield · 09/02/2014 20:11

why the face, Pagwatch? I can't bear it - but I don't care if anyone else chooses to use it, just not around me, thanks. And I know it's said to be good for speech development - I'm simply making the point that in DD's case having the proper word always used form the off hasn't hindered her speech development. (I'd never heard of this theory, or babyese/motherese - I simply wasn't prepared to talk to my DD like that. I love words and to hear them mangled by adults in this manner fries my brain.)

StickEmUpBigStyle · 09/02/2014 20:13

While OP is being extra precious imo, she isn't judging everyone else as well so 'i must be a shit mother' is a bit silly.
Bit much all round for a sunday night

WitchWay · 09/02/2014 20:13

My MIL used a lot of baby talk to my DS & I hated it & offended her by asking DH to ask her not to. She still uses some baby talk to DS (now 16) & her DS, my DP, (now 54) Hmm

I always use the correct pronunciation when talking to small children, regardless of how they (mis)pronounce words themselves. They learn by hearing the correct version. DS had an excellent vocabulary at an early age.

BrianTheMole · 09/02/2014 20:14

Well Einstein didn't talk until he was 4 either. And yabu btw. I'm not a big fan of baby talk but thats just me. I don't have a problem with others doing it. It causes no harm. I take it dd is your pfb?

nkf · 09/02/2014 20:15

I hope with all my heart that if my children marry, it won't be to some idiot woman or man who asks me not to use baby talk. I mean really. Can you even hear how ridiculous you sound.

WitchWay · 09/02/2014 20:15

MrsOakenshield Grin fries my brain too

WitchWay · 09/02/2014 20:17

Ha ha "how ridiculous you sound" - not as effing ridiculous as all the baby-waby talkers Grin

IamInvisible · 09/02/2014 20:17

I spoke a lot in baby talk to DS1 from a very early age. He was talking in sentences by the time he was 16 months.

If we all delve deep enough we will all know someone who this rule has/ has not worked for. Children talk at different ages and at different rates. They interact with different people in different ways.

That's life, one size does not fit all!

chunkythighs · 09/02/2014 20:18

Stick How is the OP not judging when she offers such nonjudgmental crap as 'I will let it go for now I guess, but dsd didn't speak well until she started school - and mil had her 60% of the time.'

Would you really want your son marry someone as lovely as that?

LittleBabySqueakSqueak · 09/02/2014 20:19

It's like nails on a blackboard to me. MIL does it, and she's so lovely I'm not going to ask her not to, but I do say the proper word to DD, so if Nanny says "look at the doggy" I'll say something like "ooh, brown furry dog," so I'm "agreeing" with Nanny but modelling the right word.

pianodoodle · 09/02/2014 20:21

I'd find it a bit sick making but probably not say anything.

kobaybasher · 09/02/2014 20:23

OP - yanbu
Baby talk is useful to a point but I hate it past a certain age. I don't think you should say anything to her, but only because you seem to like her otherwise and who needs another battle?

I think it's easy for everyone else to have jumped on you and attacked when I bet they don't spend all day talking to their babies in constant motherese. They probably don't even talk to their babies. Shock

ducks

Pagwatch · 09/02/2014 20:24

Nobody has to use it. I wouldn't judge anybody who talks formally to their child - my best friend always did.

But implying that a child not speaking well because they spent the largest part of their pre school time with a woman who used baby talk is a) stupid and b) nasty.
It maybe just an observation spoken out loud but it remains offensive and a bit thick.

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