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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my daughter spoken to like an idiot?

201 replies

Wingebag · 09/02/2014 19:01

My dd has just turned 1. She has a few words but understands a lot of what we say to her.

MIL came over today "shall we go for a walk walky walkies?". I has to restrain myself from saying "no, but you could go for a walk". This isn't out of the norm for her, everything she says to my dd is in ridiculous baby talk. I always speak to her in a soft tone, but with normal words. AIBU to request that MIL stops the baby talk (y-walky-talky) now as she will be picking up on it?

OP posts:
Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 21:41

pictish I simply meant the MIL should respect how the OP wants to raise her daughter, which is a sentiment I've seen a lot on here.

LucilleBluth · 09/02/2014 21:42

DS2 and his class are practicing the Jabberwocky, they are going to recite it at a local festival......if nonsense is good enough for Lewis Carroll....etc etc.

Anyway my 3 yo DD used to pronounce Sainsbury's as far fars.....we all call it that now except she corrects us and tells us it's not far fars it's Sainsbury's.

Point being, grandmother being affectionate to her DGD is lovely and you are weird.

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 21:42

TBH I am surprised that I am getting all this aggro just for agreeing with the OP. Some people will and some people won't, that's what AIBU is about.

aintnothinbutagstring · 09/02/2014 21:44

Well our children won't grow up in a bubble topaz, they'll be influenced by many people not only their parents. Like when my dd, in reception, learnt 'fuckface' from an older child, that was an interesting conversation. A baby being spoken to y'know like a baby by her gm is really small fish.

pictish · 09/02/2014 21:44

Topaz - yes I got that.
I think it's not an issue - parenting or otherwise. I think it is to be ignored and not dwelled upon.

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 21:46

All I said was that she could politely ask the MIL not to use baby talk but should understand the MIL was probably just doing things the way she did with her children.

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 21:47

So I wasn't suggesting making a big deal out of it, just having a conversation. I think issue was probably the wrong word.

aderynlas · 09/02/2014 21:47

Topaz, im sure there are times when words i use and songs i sing to my dgc drive their parents crazy. They know that i love their children and that is the most important thing.

tiredoldmum · 09/02/2014 21:48

You reaction is normal if you are a first time mum. You want everything to be perfect.

How many adults do you know who say, let's go walky walky walkies in normal speech to each other thinking that is the correct way of saying something? Grin

Zero

pictish · 09/02/2014 21:49

I see what you mean, yes.

I don't think she should have that conversation though...polite or otherwise. She will make her mil feel terrible. It's just not worth it. Not at all.

Goldmandra · 09/02/2014 21:50

It's not the baby talk per se, it's more the fact that she can't say a single sentence without completely changing at least one word.

I have to agree that my understanding is that this isn't what motherese is about. It's changing your whole tone and style of interaction to encourage the baby to engage and learn to have reciprocal pseudo conversations in the early days leading onto copying sounds and words. The words themselves aren't necessarily changed to baby talk vocabulary.

However that adulteration of words can help encourage children to play around with sounds when it's developmentally appropriate and rhyming games with nonsense words are positively encouraged in Early Years settings.

I have to confess that words like doggy do grate on me but I always let it go for the sake of the bigger picture. This is what the OP has said she's going to do and I'm not really sure why she's coming in for so much abuse.

pixiepotter · 09/02/2014 21:52

It sounds asthough you have problems with yopur MIL, either that or you are the DIL from hell

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 21:53

TBF, I think the DIL from hell would probably be someone who did something terrible like neglected their DC or cheated on their DH, not just didn't like baby talk!

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 21:55

aderynlas Of course you do. I didn't imply you didn't or that the OP's MIL doesn't love her DGC. I just suggested how the OP could discuss something that was bothering her with her MIL.

People have different parenting styles and I'm sure other parents do things you wouldn't do. I didn't mean that people who baby talk are bad, just that I can understand why the OP doesn't do it.

hazeyjane · 09/02/2014 21:55

But Topaz, that's why I wrote my post earlier about all the different language spoken by different people my dcs will hear throughout their development. We aren't just spoken to by a few people who know what speech rules we deem acceptable for our children!

TamerB · 09/02/2014 21:57

It takes parents a while to understand that you cannot control their child's environment, unless they stay at home and let no one in! People will say what they like. I don't use baby talk, but if I did and was corrected I would smile, nod and totally ignore.

bodygoingsouth · 09/02/2014 21:58

oh the talk. no that would piss me right off to be honest. my mil was fabulous and I loved her. she used to say quack quacks for ducks.. so what..

if I had a dil who was this pikki it would drive me nuts and worried for my son.

similarity if my dds said this to me re future grandchildren I would tell them to get a massive grip.

Frusso · 09/02/2014 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bodygoingsouth · 09/02/2014 21:59

wait until other people give her nick names!! Grin

SirChenjin · 09/02/2014 21:59

I can understand why the OP doesn't like it...but for the sake of good relations with your MIL, pick your battles OP, and be grateful for the important things in life (like a MIL who obviously adores your DD) secure in the knowledge that her speech will not suffer as a result of one family member using 'baby talk'

MrsDeVere · 09/02/2014 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Silverdaisy · 09/02/2014 22:11

Some young children have little or no interaction, they sit I their bouncers smiling away. Is that the ideal? Because I think interaction is so important. Made up words not really as bad as those children who get nothing. I realise the op doesn't say this, but I think one has to feel lucky to have extended family who care.

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 22:17

MrsDeVere I think it sounds stupid, that doesn't mean other people can't use it. I also think we might have different definitions of baby talk. I agree changing pitch and tone can help, I was talking about nonsense words.

SirChenjin · 09/02/2014 22:18

A gift from me to you, OP Grin

On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
and the monkeys all say BOO!
There's a Nong Nang Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the mice go Clang
And you just can't catch 'em when they do!
So its Ning Nang Nong
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning
Trees go ping
Nong Ning Nang
The mice go Clang
What a noisy place to belong
is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!

TamerB · 09/02/2014 22:18

Exactly, Silverdaisy, it really doesn't matter! The child itself will probably be the first to correct when older.