...to think it's ruder to be an 'evening guest'...

[MakesAMessWhenStressed]

...than just to be told quietly that it's a small wedding and we're only having a few people and thus not invited at all? To me evening invitation smacks very much of 'we're not very bothered about sharing our day with you, so travel a long way, find childcare, get all dressed up, then have a bacon sandwich and give us a present anyway'

And for context this is one of DH's close friends, was an usher at our wedding, but his fiance doesn't know us very well.

I've also just realised that fiancé was an usher for someone else who we won't be inviting to either part. I've never met him or his wife, and fiancé not seen him for years, I really don't think they will be fussed.

One of the best weddings we have been to was just the evening party, it was brilliant. We did get to go to the ceremony as well though.

We were excluded from SILs wedding, it was abroad, very expensive and not child friendly and she knew we wouldn't be able to go but asked us as though it was our choice not to go, "people who want to come will make the effort". It a bit upsetting really.
They had a 'muggle' party that we did go to and it was shit.

I love wedding threads
So much potential for discovering that my entire wedding was Unreasonable on so many levels!! We had 30 people at the ceremony and an extra 150 at night. A friend did the catering as a returned favour otherwise it would have been toast and jam at 9pm....
None of these people were classed as A or B listers, in fact a fair few of the evening invites went to people who don't bother going to the ceremony even if they're invited because in many cases unless you're directly involved it's quite tedious until the party gets going later on.
I prefer evening do's for that reason myself, having been to some mind numbingly boring weddings in my time a chance to party (without the DC's!) can only be a good thing.
YABU.

My point was it seems unless you know the bride well then you'll never get an all day invite no matter how close you are to the groom. Sometimes I get the feeling the feeling that the same wouldn't apply in reverse.

It is possible to be close to someone without knowing their dp well eg distance due to having moved away.

This is just a general observation not specifically about the op's situation btw. I think part of it was the fact it was only the brisde who was mentioned, not bride/groom, so it came across a bit as if it was only the bridewho mattered and not the groom.

Apologies for disjointedness. I'm on the bus on my phone so typing thoughts mainly as they come to me.

Definitely not the case at ours dejavu fiancé has friends id be happy vetoe or those that I'm not keen on don't know that well, and they are very much in for the day.

We also have a spreadsheet with 1, 2 and 3 as rankings, best keep that well hidden!

At my wedding, the church and reception consisted of my parents' friends and relatives I hadn't seen for ages. My mother's argument being that as they were paying for it, it was up to her to decide who was invited.

My friends and relatives I actually knew had to be content with an evening invitation.

yabu, there's nothing wrong with being an evening guest. It's not possible to afford (and or fit) all guests you might want through the whole wedding - it costs a lot. If you are offended, don't go.