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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want SAHMs to divulge how much money they have to spend?

401 replies

YesAnastasia · 05/02/2014 11:09

How much money do non earning SAHM get to actually spend? On clothes, hair/beauty or whatever they want.

I want to know if I'm being unreasonable to want more or if I am spoilt and should suck it up because things are tight.

I have £134.80 a month to myself (yes that's probably a familiar to a lot of you) except when you're a parent, not much is ever just for you anymore is it?

That's ok isn't it? Or is it? It doesn't feel like it, especially when there are birthdays etc. Anyway, what do you get?

OP posts:
HomeIsWhereTheGinIs · 05/02/2014 11:11

Hmm. This is interesting. I'm only due in July but my DH and I share everything already. Both of our salaries go into the same account, bills / mortgage / savings transferred out on the 1st of the month and then we both use the remainder as we see fit. Some months I spend more, some months he does. It just seems to work out - we don't ask permission or anything. Is there a particular reason you have a set amount? How much does your DP get?

softlysoftly · 05/02/2014 11:11

Well I'm not one at the moment but when I was on maternity I could spend what we could afford as could DH. With no asking, no allowance.

Because I'm not a child to be given pocket money I'm an equal partner in a marriage.

KnickersOnOnesHead · 05/02/2014 11:12

Money for things for myself? Urm....nothing. Any money we have left over at the end of the month goes on the DC's.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/02/2014 11:12

About £350 a month to spend on myself. More if I want it for a big purchase - new coat or boots etc.

I don't spend it most of the time.

When you say 'especially when there are birthdays etc' what do you mean by that?

WireCat · 05/02/2014 11:13

All money goes into the bank. Everything comes out of there. He we want something expensive it has to be discussed as there wouldn't be the money to cover it.
I can get my hair done, but makeup whatever really.
That's the way it should be. It wasn't for years. But it is now & it's much better.

ScrabbleBabble · 05/02/2014 11:13

My husband's money is my money too. I spend as I want, as does he - always agreeing with each other before we buy expensive things.

Finney2 · 05/02/2014 11:13

I have exactly the same amount as my H has to spend on himself. Which is currently about a fiver a week but is normally more in the region of £40 a month. Why should there be any disparity between what you have and what he has to spend?

Overreactionoftheweek · 05/02/2014 11:14

We have an equal split of whatever comes in - my dh couldn't do the hours he does if I wasn't doing everything else (I currently work 2 days a week but will eventually stop).

It's a partnership so there should be a even split imo. Are you only 'allowed' the child benefit money? Does dh have a lot more? Not acceptable in my mind if the answer is yes!

Florin · 05/02/2014 11:14

We have a joint account and spend what we need. I would hate to be budgeted it doesn't seem fair. If either if us need to spend more than £100 we discuss it especially at the end of the month! Dh says I do just as important job as him so only fair to share money equally.

Chocotrekkie · 05/02/2014 11:14

When I was a Sahm my oh and me talked all the time about the money.

So mid feb I would say "thinking of going shopping tomorrow - I am looking for some new jeans".

He would say "nice - can you get me some new socks while you are out" or "you do know the car insurance is due - its probably going to be about £400 and there is only £500 left in the bank for the month".

Basically I spent what I wanted as long as there was no other great need for the money.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 05/02/2014 11:15

The same as whatever their partner gets to spend, if it is causing issues.

Or in my case we spend whatever we want, because both of us are adults and aware of our financial position.

Finney2 · 05/02/2014 11:15

Oh, and actually we don't tend to tot it up. More like he just pays his badminton subs and spends nothing else. And I just pay for everything else out of our joint account as I do all the organising etc for the whole family.

SlightlyTerrified · 05/02/2014 11:15

I had exactly the same as DH did. His wages went into the joint account and we both spent them however we needed or wanted to. I agree with the others, I had no allowance as I was an equal partner and together we decided I would stay at home with them rather than working therefore everything was joint.

Binkyridesagain · 05/02/2014 11:16

What ever I want as long as we've got it. I don't need to ask and I don't get an allowance. Any big purchases I will run past DH to ask his opinion

plantsitter · 05/02/2014 11:18

We each have 200 quid to spend on ourselves. It goes from the joint account into our personal accounts every month.

DH is usually overdrawn but I hardly ever spend mine.

Just means you can buy yourself something nice without having to discuss first, cos it's your own money.

IneedAsockamnesty · 05/02/2014 11:18

Where does the money you get come from? Is it just cb and how tight a budget is your whole household on?

MrsPMT · 05/02/2014 11:19

I'm with softlysoftly I'm not a child to be given pocket money.

I buy whatever I want, if we feel we have spare money, as does DH, but big purchases we run by each other.

JoinTheDots · 05/02/2014 11:19

Whatever I want, it's all family money.

In reality, I probably spend less than sixty quid a month (not including petrol and car tax or insurance) on myself and my side of the family or friends for birthdays, but that might be because I am very low maintenance in terms of clothes and beauty.

lilyaldrin · 05/02/2014 11:19

I have access to the same money as DP - some months it's more, some it's less rather than a set amount.

Grumpykins · 05/02/2014 11:20

You are very fortunate.

I work full time and I do not have that amount to spend on myself a month.

Dh and I earn a decent salary but after our high outgoings we give ourselves £70 pocket money. This has to cover clothes, hair, gifts, socialising.

We have stopped at having two children.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 05/02/2014 11:21

DH have a joint account and both equal access to the money. If either of us want to spend over about 50 on an item we run it past each other to make sure there is money available that month. I have about 70 per week for me but rarely spend it all. I usually save some and buy a bigger thing every couple of months. I use the 70 for coffees, lunch with friends, eyebrows and car parking if I go shopping. I saved up and paid for a full year at my gym because it's half price if you pay in full.

Sleepwhenidie · 05/02/2014 11:21

It depends how much disposable income there is as a household surely? What is reasonable in a house where there is £200 isn't going to be the same where there is £1000. As softly says, both adults are equal partners so there shouldn't be any limit or supervision of what each is spending, each should take responsibility for what is a sensible amount?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/02/2014 11:21

Just to say, mine isn't an 'allowance'. All the money goes into the joint, and we both take out the same amount each month to spend on our own stuff.

It harks back to the days when we were first together and had a joint account and we were skint as anything. We found it easier to be able to look at our personal account and think 'yes I can afford that' and we've just never revised the arrangement, although the amount of money we have has increased significantly.

It works well for us.

plantsitter · 05/02/2014 11:21

And if I were buying for the kids Jonty would pay (as weaffectionately call the joint account).

FuckyNell · 05/02/2014 11:22

I get £1000 cash from the bank every month. £700 I keep for 'housekeeping' oh how I love that word! And dh gets £300.