to want SAHMs to divulge how much money they have to spend?

[YesAnastasia]

How much money do non earning SAHM get to actually spend? On clothes, hair/beauty or whatever they want.

I want to know if I'm being unreasonable to want more or if I am spoilt and should suck it up because things are tight.

I have £134.80 a month to myself (yes that's probably a familiar to a lot of you) except when you're a parent, not much is ever just for you anymore is it?

That's ok isn't it? Or is it? It doesn't feel like it, especially when there are birthdays etc. Anyway, what do you get?

The problem is, your situation could be one or the other, and everything in between. That is what rings alarm bells for me.

Our money is family money.

As long as I am not grafting weekly with pack lunches and she is not out at carluccios thrice weekly....

On clothes, hair, and beauty I spend £0, generally. DP is a bit arse at budgeting, so technically I have £1200 a month to spend, but £700 of that is rent and bills, and the remainder has to cover groceries, his lynch and bus fares, clothes for the baby, and so on. Fortunately neither of us shop for fun. He occasionally buys a new game on payday if he's hit commission, and I'll go for a pint with the housekeeping money once a month. We both seem to manage with nothing beyond that.

DH works, I don't.

We use YNAB to keep a budget, which we both review together each week. Any money at all that is spent is budgeted for before hand, so we both talk about any purchases we may want to make, so that we allocate money to them.

I never think of 'his money' just as I never think of 'my tax credits' even though the child tax credits come with my name on them.

DH is the SAHP at the moment. He has 30 pw cash to spend on himself, as do I. As he's out and about during the day and I'm just sitting in an office with no commuting costs he often runs short so I give him some of mine. I probably spend a tenner or less on myself in a typical week.

This doesn't include anything for the household or for the children which comes out of household money.

Every other penny we have is budgeted for so if either of us wants something that our spends won't cover we need to find the money from one of the other budget categories.

When dh goes back to work money will be slightly less tight and we'll revise our discretionary spends accordingly.

I'm a SAHM currently and control our finances so I get everything he earns and give him about £100 to play with a month. It leaves me with about £300 after everything is paid for including food and new clothes.

It worked well for my parents this way too.

DH and I both have £200 each of 'free spends' a month. everything else into joint account to pay bills/pensions/savings etc. this figure is worked out very simply by taking DH's salary and 'my' child benefit. minus the bills, how much we want to save and the usually monthly outgoings plus leaving a bit in the kitty for unusual spends like kids clothes/parents birthdays etc. what is left if £200 each.

I am concerned that you don't know the ins and outs of your joing finances. I'm normally the first to roll my eyes at all the posters who say SAHM's leave themselves open to being left with nothing but in your case this is true - if you and DH have chosen for you to remain at home and to have joint finances you need to be fully aware of what that entails.

in our case DH earns it and I divvie it up as he is useless with money!!

I dont have a set amount as dhs wages go into the joint account and we both buy stuff as and when we want/need things.

lunar I was just teasing

Hell I'd be rich myself if I didn't have an awful addiction to stuff

Nothing just for me.

We don't get CB anymore so DH put £200 a month into an account for things for DC, we have 4. That is for their clothes, shoes, haircuts, school trips, pocket money, and DD's phone top up.
£450 a month goes in to a separate account for food and groceries.
DH saves £150 a month in his own savings that he uses for weekends away, presents for me etc.
The rest of his monthly wage is in a joint account, bills etc goes out of here. I can use it to pay for small stuff like coffees, birthday cards etc.
he gets a bonus at Christmas that goes into an internet savings account, it pays for doing stuff to the house, Christmas, holidays etc and some is Savings.

I get my haircut usually once a year, and rely on Birthdays and Christmas for new clothes.

We have a joint account which pays for children's stuff, food, bills etc. We each get £200 per month personal spending money, which includes things like holidays. The rest of the money goes into savings.

We have £250 per month between us for 'fun money'. It mainly goes on takeaways and if either of us want a coffee, or a little great of some sort, it comes out of there.

Clothes are budgeted for at £500 per year each. We save an appropriate amount each month so that over the year the total of the £1000 is saved but obviously spend it as we need it. So far this year DH has spent about £100 on new work shirts and I've spent about £40 on maternity bras. I'm not planning to buy many clothes till after the baby's born and I've lost the weight!

Birthdays, again, are budgeted for. We budget £600 per year for all presents (birthdays, Christmas, christenings, new babies etc) and save accordingly, same as for clothes. We do exactly the same with money for DD's clothes, gas, electricity, water, phones, council tax, insurances, petrol, MOT and service, groceries, toiletries etc.

We have a joint account into which goes DH's salary and my self-employed earnings (the latter of which are significantly lower than DH's salary) as well as the child benefit. At the start of the year we work out how much we think we're going to need for each category, mainly based on how much we spent the previous year. After saving for all the things we need to save for and after paying the mortgage etc, the £250 I mentioned at the beginning is what's left over. We take it out in cash, stick it in an envelope and use it as we need it over the course of the month. When it's gone, it's gone!

Your examples would not be classed as 'me money' by me.

A gift for a family member? gifts from the children to a family member?

That comes from family funds, not personal spending money!

to me, personal spends are for things like magazines, a coffee when out and about, etc.

I even have separate budgets for things like clothes and also haircuts etc. I see those as necessary and regular expenditures and not 'pocket money' items, iyswim.

I think personal spending money is for those items that you could always do without at any point and not for anything that is in anyway needed or required.

I agree.

My dp works, on his payday he puts £300 into my bank which I use for food, stuff for dd/ household items, clothes for everyone (including him) running my car, and all of the other bits..
I also get the child benefit into my account, but that goes straight into savings.

You need to know what the whole financial situation is, it's incredibly important.

How much I have varies month to month, depending on if something unexpected comes up, we are trying hard to pay down debt so it's never a lot! But DH and I are absolutely treated equally in terms of personal spending.

Oh I've discovered £4 haircuts at the college. Brilliant.

I think it depends how you feel about things, if you feel it's ok or not. For some it's ok, for others it's not.
Most of the time I'm fine with it, the extreme budgeting e.g £2 in this account, £20 in that, £1 in this jar is hard though.

DH and I share money so if I want or need something I just get it, not talking about big amounts just if I go out with a friend or get some clothes etc.

We don't have his money/my money we have our money .
I'm technically 'self employed' but as that's currently bringing in zilch as it's a new company so my account is a bit empty atm but we have a joint account & joint credit cards (paid off monthly).
We both know how much money we have and spend accordingly.
Over the years we've both given time, effort, support & money to our relationship so it's give & take for both of us.

OP, are you saying that you just get cb or tax credit? it just seems a familiar amount.
If so this isn't right imo, all the money is family money and you should have equal access to it and not have to justify anything you spend it on, except to yourself.
Can you not suggest managing the family finances, it isn't difficult honestly. I have always done this as a sahm, it saves dh doing it and he couldn't be bothered with it at all.

to answer your question further up the thread we have been married 25 years - always had a shared bank account.

I haven't worked for the last 14 or so years; don't have a 'set allowance' but as an adult I can see how our bank account is doing and spend or don't spend accordingly. I would never have to 'ask' my DH for money but if I wanted something particularly expensive I would obviously check we had enough in the account. Actually I have very frugal tastes (charity shop lover ).

I had a friend who was obsessive about 'equality' ie: if her DH bought something for £x she would immediately spend £x on something for herself - regardless of whether she needed it or not - the marriage broke up .

I am constantly intrigued at how some families 'manage' their financies, it has never occured to me to think about whether we are buying a present for DH's side of the family or mine - to me it is just a present.

But I guess we are lucky as money is the one thing we have never argued over .

His salary goes into the joint account from which all bills, food, purchases for house and children come. We put £250 each a month into our personal accounts, from which I pay for my clothes, haircuts, nights out with my friends. Stuff for me.

It works because we can each spend what we like on ourselves without feeling we have to check with the other.

I am on mat leave and not going back to work.
My mat pay, cb, tax credits and DH wage go into our joint account.
I control the joint account, the savings and all purchases.
I may technically be a kept woman, but I give my DH an allowance from his wages. Henis more than happy to be ignorant about the money. He knows he can spend what he likes, but he runs it by me first if it is big.
I couldnt live not knowing where money was or what. DH earned.

I get £850 transferred from DH to my account every month, out of that I pay for the phone (landline and my mobile), TV license and the Food shopping and any incidental children's expenses. DH pays for the DC's clubs and activities as well as the rest of the household bills and car expenses. It's not really cut and dry but in the 4 years that I have been a SAHM it seems to work ok.

I also can use my Credit Card for any additional spending that is required like clothes for us all. He has said that I only have to ask for amounts over £200, but I still check with him. He does have more cash than I do, but it seems every year we get a huge bill every October (new boiler, new catalytic converter etc) and he just takes care of them.

I had been working 20 years before I became a SAHM and I like having a bit of money of my own that I don't feel I have to justify how I spend. So having money transferred over to me was something that I asked for when we decided that I would SAH with the 3 DC.