Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want SAHMs to divulge how much money they have to spend?

401 replies

YesAnastasia · 05/02/2014 11:09

How much money do non earning SAHM get to actually spend? On clothes, hair/beauty or whatever they want.

I want to know if I'm being unreasonable to want more or if I am spoilt and should suck it up because things are tight.

I have £134.80 a month to myself (yes that's probably a familiar to a lot of you) except when you're a parent, not much is ever just for you anymore is it?

That's ok isn't it? Or is it? It doesn't feel like it, especially when there are birthdays etc. Anyway, what do you get?

OP posts:
Original poster
YesAnastasia · 05/02/2014 11:37

So that's ok then? I had no idea what happened with other women in my situation.

For example, it's my DF's birthday this month so he needs a present from me & some thing from the DC. We will need to go out somewhere to eat as well. And I had my hair done this month too (£50 every 3 months ish). Those 'cheap' kindle books add up too, haha. Ooops, just remembered Valentine's day...

I have no idea what DH gets to himself, how much anything costs or anything, he deals with it and I hate talking about money with him (for various reasons) so I don't ask.

OP posts:
TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 05/02/2014 11:39

None really
But then dh doesn't either
We're struggling somewhat
But we're in it together Wink

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/02/2014 11:41

Damn so that isn't your money, it is household money.

OP that doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. We buy all presents for both sides of the family from the joint account, and any family expenditure like going out for a meal.
Do you even know what your DH earns? You cannot just stick your head in the sand about your family finances - how would you feel if you found out that your DH has hundreds to spend each month while you've only got £30 a week?

littlebluedog12 · 05/02/2014 11:42

Do you have access to the joint account OP? What do you use to pay for food shopping etc?

tess73 · 05/02/2014 11:42

I don't get an "allowance", I'm not 10, and would not have given up work without full access to the one bank account.

If we have a month when money is tight I don't spend anything on "me". Similarly if there's plenty and I want something then I do.

JanePurdy · 05/02/2014 11:43

So you don't have a shared bank account nor know his income or household running costs? That sounds like you might want to have a conversation.

We have a joint account, everything goes into it, we don't have set amounts of spending money, just depends on what our finances are.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 05/02/2014 11:43

OP why don't you know what anything costs etc? How do you know if you are getting the best deal on utilities, mortgage, insurance and savings?

Adikia · 05/02/2014 11:43

about £40 a month, but that's just for me, all the stuff the kids need comes from our joint account. Money is pretty tight so DH has about the same to spend on himself too.

minniemagoo · 05/02/2014 11:44

I don't have a set amount, I withdraw 700 every 2 weeks to cover groceries and incidentals (coffee!, kids treats, small purchases) but if I wanted something big I would just take that out separate eg if I was going for a night out with friends I might take an extra 50, get my hair done I put it on debit card, online purchases I usually put on debit card too.
If its there in the account and unallocated its free for either of us to take but we run things by each other eg Dh bought a number of shirts in the sales, I got DD a new pair of runners and bought myself a groupon deal in last 2 weeks.
I'm hoping to not have any extras for the next few weeks as I want to book a weekend away in May.
It really does depend on your budget/disposable income/agreement

ouryve · 05/02/2014 11:44

It varies and i don't keep track.

haveyourselfashandy · 05/02/2014 11:45

Both me and dp struggle to spend money on ourselves,any spare money goes into savings and holidays(nowhere swish but its nice to get away).
We have a few nights out over next couple of months so we will both be able to get new outfits,I will be able to get hair done and nails anything really, without worrying which is nice.
I've never spent a lot on clothes etc,it goes on the kids but the moneys there if I want to.Dp spends small amounts on his hobbies but always "asks".He's always on at me to treat myself but I'd rather put the money away!

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 05/02/2014 11:46

I would love to see the correlation between how people how people divvy up money and how long marriages last. I don't know if there is one, would be good to see.

Figis · 05/02/2014 11:47

Nah it isn't ok. You should know what your husband earns, what outgoings there are and should agree on spending, saving, insurances and future plans.

If you can't talk to your husband about this what is the point of being married? He could have no spending money or hundreds... The answer should matter to both of you.

Stinklebell · 05/02/2014 11:47

It depends on what you're spending it on.

We've always had a joint account, but when I first became a SAHM, DH and I discussed money, worked out what the bills were and divvied up the left overs into his share and my share

But, most of my share got spent on general weekly household expenses, I'd buy the milk and bread when we ran out, bought nappies, put petrol in the car, organised birthday cards, bought birthday presents when the kids went to parties, paid playgroup subs, etc

Now we spend what we need to with the proviso we discuss any big purchases or shopping sprees

JennyCalendar · 05/02/2014 11:47

DH is the SAHD in our family. Once we'd decided that he was going to stay home we set up a joint account, which is primarily for DH. The CB goes into it.

After bills etc. we have £800 left. I transfer £400 to the JA. DH spends it on what he likes, but this includes 80% groceries (he does all the cooking).

Out of my £400, I pay commuting costs (£150 approx), my lunch, groceries at the weekend, presents and clothes for us all (DS mostly - DH and I only buy clothes when something is worn out completely and needs replacing). Any left over gets saved.

We are both naturally frugal, but will go out for a meal occasionally, or save up to go on holiday, or to the theatre.

lunar1 · 05/02/2014 11:47

FucnyNell, I didn't mean it to come over that way, I was just wanting to show that whatever we have is equal between us. We don't have a car so we walk/cycle everywhere, it saves a small fortune!

WilsonFrickett · 05/02/2014 11:47

I buy whatever I want, always have. I'm an adult - perfectly capable of checking the account balance and the bills still to come out and working out if we can afford what I want to buy.

Big purchases - new car, new carpet, new furniture - would always be discussed but that's because we'd both want input. Can't really imagine being in a position where I'd have to check if I could do something I wanted to do.

HarderToKidnap · 05/02/2014 11:50

All money goes in the pot. I work two days a week, DH FT.
We each get pocket money from the pot. I get £580, DH gets £500. I get a bit more to pay for Jo jingles and the like.
The rest pays for food, petrol, bills, mortgage, insurances etc and £1000 into savings.
I spend every penny of my pocket money. I would spend every penny if I had £5000 tbh. I'm a spendthrift.

Dahlen · 05/02/2014 11:50

I don't think it can help you to know TBH. So much depends on your household income. Your £134.80 may seem like riches to someone who has £50 for example, but if that £50 is half of what's left after all other expenses are paid, the person on £50 may be better off than you if your DH has say £300.

sharpshadow · 05/02/2014 11:51

I get roughly 5k transferred to my account every few months. That covers food spending (family of 3), personal spending and most things for DS, and any payments that I end up taking care of (but DH covers all bills, large purchases for home, and most tickets/meals when we're out together). It's not a regular amount, DH just checks if it runs low every month and tops it up as and when. If I needed more I expect he'd be fine with it, but have never needed to ask.

Dahlen · 05/02/2014 11:51

Also, everything is relative. I have a small mortgage so more of my income is disposable than someone on a much higher income but a higher mortgage.

Pigletin · 05/02/2014 11:52

I have no idea what DH gets to himself, how much anything costs or anything, he deals with it and I hate talking about money with him (for various reasons) so I don't ask.

That is a very strange comment. What do you mean you don't know how much anything costs? And the personal money you mentioned, is that an allowance you receive from your husband and you have no other access to money?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 05/02/2014 11:53

If I needed to buy my DF a birthday present I would either take the money from my account (which DH fills up from my wages). If I run out and we have the money he puts more in there or gives me the extra.
I wouldn't be expected to budget a family goft from an "allowance"

bragmatic · 05/02/2014 11:53

Whether your situation is equitable or not depends on the amount if disposable cash you both end up with. If you're going without and have to check down the back of the couch for loose change for the bus, while he is indulging in expensive hobbies and shouting his mates at the pub, then it's grossly unfair.

If you're both watching every penny and household income leaves you with no choice to be frugal, well that's different.

SwayingBranches · 05/02/2014 11:54

It doesn't sound like your situation is okay at all.