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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect oh to leave the country for work?

274 replies

Gangie · 04/02/2014 07:52

Job offer yesterday. It's in Scotland ( we are in Ireland) it's not in his actual field but similar. The pay is not great, we prob would not be any better off than we are at the moment ( on benefits though Confused)

I want him to go because it's a job and it's easier to find work when you are working. He doesn't want to take it as he will be away from us (2 kids 3, 1) and not gaining anything ie. money, experience.

Currently not talking after huge argument. Its 4years since he has had full time permanent work. He has had sporadic work throughout this time and works hard and long hours when it's there.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 04/02/2014 07:54

Yabu.

Would you take a job meaning you would be no better off but miles away from the children all week?

pixiepotter · 04/02/2014 07:58

YABVVVU
Poor fella must wonder what your game is

FutTheShuckUp · 04/02/2014 08:02

Is there a reason you can't get a job?

yellowbuttercup · 04/02/2014 08:02

I don't think you're being unreasonable. After 4 years not working he really needs to get back into something or he will be totally unemployable. He can do this for a while and then look for something better. You are right, it will be easier to find something else once he is actually employed full time and his CV will look much better. He has responsibilities. He needs to be looking after his family, even if that means spending a bit of time away from them.

redshifter · 04/02/2014 08:07

Would you take this job yourself?

Would you go to work in a foreign country, not see your DH or DCs, probably be on your own, not know anyone, live in a tiny room?

Have you been looking for work over the last four years?

YABVU

Melonbreath · 04/02/2014 08:09

Yabu.
Poor husband probably thinks you're trying to get rid of him.
Families apart are tough and it isn't fair on your kids to not have their father around.
If it was doubling your money and he'd be back every weekend I'd say yanbu.

CaptainFabulous · 04/02/2014 08:10

Well...given that it's only Scotland, it would probably take him a couple of hours to get to work and the same home...I think he should give it a chance.

If it's that or be unemployed for however long, why would you not at least try it?

redshifter · 04/02/2014 08:10

After 4 years not working he really needs to get back into something or he will be totally unemployable. He can do this for a while and then look for something better. You are right, it will be easier to find something else once he is actually employed full time and his CV will look much better. He has responsibilities. He needs to be looking after his family, even if that means spending a bit of time away from them.

All valid points which equally apply to OP.

JumpingJackSprat · 04/02/2014 08:11

Have you got a job OP?

areyoubeingserviced · 04/02/2014 08:12

Why don't you get a job ?

WooWooOwl · 04/02/2014 08:13

YANBU.

He has no right to turn down a job when he has children to support. I would think significantly less of him as a husband and father if he'd prefer to stay on benefits than take a job.

redshifter · 04/02/2014 08:14

Well...given that it's only Scotland, it would probably take him a couple of hours to get to work and the same home

You can't be serious. Confused

LaurieFairyCake · 04/02/2014 08:14

If you're on benefits and your kids are 3 and 1 you can all just move.

Why would he go on his own Confused

addictedtosugar · 04/02/2014 08:14

Could you all move to scotland for a couple of years?

addictedtosugar · 04/02/2014 08:15

snap Laurie

MyBachisworsethanmybite · 04/02/2014 08:15

Can't you go with him?

MyBachisworsethanmybite · 04/02/2014 08:15

Again!

CaptainFabulous · 04/02/2014 08:16

Why not redshifter he could be home on Friday night and leave again Sunday night. Plenty of people do. People work for weeks away at a time on oil rigs etc. What's so awful about this?

really1234 · 04/02/2014 08:16

Surprised at all the YABUs.

We don't know your situation or why you can't work but aside from that, he needs to view the work as a stepping stone. His CV will look a lot better to prospective employers if he has some recent work on it and he will stand a lot better chance of getting something more suitable.

redshifter · 04/02/2014 08:17

Is OP looking for work?

I would think significantly less of her as a wife and mother if she'd prefer to stay on benefits than take a job.

Ragwort · 04/02/2014 08:21

Surely you can all go, your children are young enough.

We have had to make a huge move for job reasons, we just got on and did it. Smile

Original poster
Gangie · 04/02/2014 08:21

No way can we all move. We just couldn't afford to for a start and it's not a long term job so it would be pointless.

I was in college and working and got pregnant accidentally just after I graduated. I was working in an unrelated field and got let go when I was 6 months pregnant. I have been looking for work but I am not having any luck as I have no experience. I'm trying to get an internship at the moment to gain experience. Ultimately I want to do my masters but can't afford it.

OP posts:
redshifter · 04/02/2014 08:23

CaptainFabulous

We don't know the locations. Wexford to Aberdeen can take a lot, lot longer than two hours. Even if it is a shorter or convenient route it would still be too expensive to come home regularly if you are earning not much more than benefit level.

I worked in Glasgow while my family was in Dublin. It wasn't nice and was a long and expensive journey.

Sirzy · 04/02/2014 08:24

Perhaps you need to lower your standards about where you want to work then? Internships are all well and good but hard to get.

Again would you take a job which meant you were in a different country to the children and your husband?

redshifter · 04/02/2014 08:26

CaptainFabulous

And you are assuming it is a Mon - Fri, 5 day week job. Or a job with two consecutive days off. Many, many jobs are not like this.