AIBU to wonder how working parents manage without extended family support?

[SatsumaSatsuma]

I supposedly have the ultimate family friendly job. I am a part -time teacher, so work term time only, 4 (part) days a week. I often finish early enough to pick up my 2dds from school.

However, despite the seemingly convenient nature of my job, I have depended on grandparents (during January only) to:
-collect dd1 from school once while I took dd1 to the orthodontist out of town
-look after dd1 while she was off sick for 1.5 days
-look after dd2 while she has INSET day
look after DD1 for 3 days at the start of term as her school (private) has holidays that differ from my state school term dates
-collect both dds while I rushed off to an emergency with another relative in hospital
-have dd's as usual on my staff meeting nights after school

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous amount of help to need, for 2 dc, when I work term time only, P/T?

AIBU to think that it would be unbelievably stressful trying to work without their support, to the point that it wouldn't even seem viable?

Got me thinking...How on earth do others manage to work, have DC without family support?

I get that in really expensive areas clubs might be more but even if childminders charge 35 quid a day thats 105 a day for 3 kids, a day!! Crazy money. There must be some people interested in that in this areas with little provision.

Its a house of cards. You plan, you pay, and you pray for nothing to disrupt the routine. I remember it well.

I have a colleague with 2 dcs. She calls on her partner, her mother and even her own granny to avoid unexpected time off. I'm envious!

On my own, working FT, parents elderly and a couple of hours away. Xh and his family over 3 hrs away and not involved in sorting out crises.

It only works because I have a great childminder. Can't get other parents involved as I can't reciprocate. If CM stopped working or my parent's health deteriorated I would be screwed.

It's constantly challenging and pressure to keep all the plates spinning is intense.

What really galls me is when people criticise you for leaving a sick child with the CM when taking the time off would do me no favours at work. Do these people really think that you wouldn't look after your child if you had any choice?

And before anyone says I dont mean just for the money its just that 1000s of women work in care and would be good as childminders.

That's great your CM can take your child if he/she is sick - most I know won't as they have other mindees or their own children, and don't want the illness spreading.

Exactly yetanotherstat anyone that says they wouldnt leave a child has never needed the money or is probably rich with no need to work, or even is lucky and gets sick pay. I will always let the working parents bring their kids in unless sickness bugs with colds or whatever and will give calpol. I respect the low income parents who do it just to make money to pay their rent and are there 7.30 every morning for 6 quid an hour

annie my rural CM bill for a week's breakfast/afterschool care was 120, but I am the only person needing that much childcare. She's not turning over more than 250 a week - not a great inducement for others to take it up. Someone else did try but only lasted a couple of months due to lack of business.

I would do it for 250 a week thats brilliant for 1 kid. I get that for looking after 43!

Interesting thread....I live a long way from my daughter. She and her husband are both police officers and they have an 18 month old daughter. They both cover shifts 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Any suggestions as to how they will manage childcare? They would like another baby next year?

Sir my CM will come to my house between dropping other children off at school and picking them up. That gives me the chance to put in 5 hours at work if my child is ill. Not ideal but it helps with appeasing work.

Lynker - It depends on their area. Ime low income areas have a lot more provision covering anti social hours. If you can find a good childminder they can do nights unless you get in a 7-7 nursery and they split it.

annie - no that's 250 between 8 children

Still good I get 250 a week for being manager of setting of 43. Over half on at risk register, running all staff etc. Brilliant business opportunity to me.

but that's before paying any costs not her actual salary.

Yeah but for 8 kids some not all day!? Its easy money to me but depends what your used to doing I suppose. I get 250 for the whole day 7.30-6.

"Teachers like to have extra days off for training"- er, no we don't for a start if they weren't training days they would be straightforward holidays. They are not extra. And as for "like" well that depends on the training! I'd say training is more of an essential than a luxury personally.

I don't know how people manage. I currently employ a nanny for the 3 days I work. But its so expensive especially now DS2 is at nursery 8.30-3.30. But I am lucky that I earn enough to afford it (although I give her half my take home pay). I have no family who can help me so don't see alternative - and this week on the three days I work:

a) Monday: DS1 had an all day hospital appointment that could only be on a monday
b) Wednesday: DD was ill with vomiting bug
c) Thursday: we got an email from school at 10am saying they had a power cut and had to close, please collect your DC.

So if I didn't have my nanny I would have not been able to go to work at all this week! The Monday would have been a planned day off but the Wed and Thurs were at last minute.

We have come to conclusion that only solution going forward is an au pair, who would be on standby on my work days.

Lone parent here, no family in the country, I work full time and have 2 jobs, DS has some health problems and a learning disability.

How we manage? Breakfast and after school clubs but most importantly, DS and I are a team, we take turns, nobody gets full priority and we help each other as we can. It is my responsibility to keep a roof above our heads and food on the table. It is his responsibility to do in school as good as he can.

We are coping fine, I'm constantly tired but doing ok, DS is two years ahead in school despite his disability, we cope because we love each other and because we have to, as simple as that, there's nobody to pick up the pieces if something happens to me.

Its tricky. No family around here. DH works 7-5, I work a combo of long days, nights and weekends. I try and slot my shifts around weekends, or working up to. This way we don't need to juggle so much. If I work a odd night in the week I come home and hope the baby sleeps for a few hours so I can nap with her.
If we are desperate we have a lady in the village who helps out.

Its hard.

The only way we could do it when they were v young( on my return from maternity leave with DD2 and DD1 in year 2 primary) was for one to work nights and the other to work days. We lived rural then too but couldn't afford to move, so no buses and 3 miles to Dd1 school and 3.5 to nearest shop and we had one old banger car between us.
A day went like this, DH finished night shift at 6am. His job was on way to mine which started 6.30am. I drove with DC in pjs met DH he drove me on to work, he took DC home breakfast and school for DD1, at home he napped for an hour with DD2 looked after her ( incl took mother & baby group twice a week for free sessions to make sure she met other babes) picked me up at 2.30. DH in bed by 3.15pm I went to pick up DD1. Did her after school activities, made dinner, got DC ready for bed . Woke DH, he ate dinner and then I'd drive him to work for 8 pm with DC in car as of course we would never leave them alone. Back with DC get them off to bed. I'd do my paperwork for work. Very light housework so as not to wake DD. Get to bed ( in early days was still doing night breast feeds as went back to work after 12 weeks as couldn't afford longer maternity leave ) and up for 4.30 to start again next day.
We did this for 5 years till dd2 started school. Sickness was covered by this rota, as were most appointments we just had to time everything to the second. The grimmest month or two we ever had was when car packed up and had no savings so literally needed to find something legal and driving for about £150. It was summer thankfully and I walked those 3.5 miles in the semi dark to get a lift to work while DH cycled with the DC to school and everywhere else. He had to quit his job ( mine paid more) and the only one he could get once we found an old car and that fitted nights wise was at a supermarket stacking shelves. When we look back we don't know how we are a) still all alive and b) still together... Love I suppose :)

I think politicians should be forced to read this thread to see the real impact of having both parents working and how useless measures such as parental leave are for supporting families.

brandnewllgi yes they are extra: our school sticks an extra day pretty much on every school holiday for staff training. Sure it's not a luxury but I have to pay and find the time for my training around my work and childcare commitments. It must be so lovely to get, say, 6 weeks off work and then keep the school closed another day for training. This happens every half term and term break. Sorry, but that takes the piss when you're a working patent struggling to cover the holiday periods in the first place.

Our school makes no provision for before or after school (the tiny after school club isn't run by them) & nothing for holiday periods. While I am sure plenty will say that it's not school's responsibility to babysit your kids I find the whole "it's your problem" attitude demonstrated by teachers very tiresome.

There is a massive massive problems here and yet no one - politicians, teachers - is prepared to admit it. Meanwhile, working parents like me struggle on with bugger all money and even less sleep - and oyes, our kids, pushed from pillar to post, suffer.

I like working. More importantly, if I took a career break if have no career to go back to. I love my kids. But rather than have teachers getting all defensive because they see it as someone else's problem... Well, it's not.

As our politicians do like to say: we're in it together. Or at least, we should be.

Yetanotherstatistic - couldn't agree more.

We live Down Under and have done since before DD was born (with brief sojourn to UK).

We have no relatives here. Between us we have had to make parenthood and childcare fit with full time working. Sometimes it is a juggle and holidays are tough, but ultimately we get by. You cope with what you get.

birdsnotbees they are not extra, as teachers on mumsnet have said a million times they are days that used to be part of the holidays, and then became training days. So, if they weren't inset days they would be holidays, either way you'd be looking for childcare. Not much point criticising me for stating the facts.

The massive advantage re teaching and childcare is the holidays: aside from that big bonus it is actually very hard for teachers as no opportunity to take annual leave on an ad hoc basis for child things. I suspect I will miss a lot of nativity plays. The holidays make things a lot easier, but the terms can be a struggle (esp if you both teach).