AIBU to wonder how working parents manage without extended family support?

[SatsumaSatsuma]

I supposedly have the ultimate family friendly job. I am a part -time teacher, so work term time only, 4 (part) days a week. I often finish early enough to pick up my 2dds from school.

However, despite the seemingly convenient nature of my job, I have depended on grandparents (during January only) to:
-collect dd1 from school once while I took dd1 to the orthodontist out of town
-look after dd1 while she was off sick for 1.5 days
-look after dd2 while she has INSET day
look after DD1 for 3 days at the start of term as her school (private) has holidays that differ from my state school term dates
-collect both dds while I rushed off to an emergency with another relative in hospital
-have dd's as usual on my staff meeting nights after school

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous amount of help to need, for 2 dc, when I work term time only, P/T?

AIBU to think that it would be unbelievably stressful trying to work without their support, to the point that it wouldn't even seem viable?

Got me thinking...How on earth do others manage to work, have DC without family support?

Sirchenjin . Fair point sighs. But David Cameron just particularly annoys me for some reason, think it might be his shiny face and his air of wankyness.

How many people live so close to their parents that they would expect them to help? My parents are retired but live over 1.5 hours drive away and my mum has health problems (as does dad actually - carpal tunnel). I'd feel really uncomfortable asking them for regular care of ours kids.

We will soon no longer be able to rely on grandparent care because the next generation of grandparents will be working till age 70. I doubt they would appreciate being asked to then go straight into free care of the grand kids the minute they get to put their feet up for a few years before frail health sets in. A proper solution has to be planned for by government NOW.

Brandnewllgi - the inset days at our school are extra. Soz but they are. You might not believe me but there you go.
Oh lord. I have explained this, another poster has explained this, but carry on thinking I'm just an uppity teacher who knows nothing about teachers' contracts.
I was trying to explain the swings and roundabouts side of the holidays, teachers have much longer holidays but zero flexibility.

But it is late and I have been working all evening and have still about an hour left to go..

Some people will never get it!!!

Mimishimi Mon 03-Feb-14 22:26:19
" How many people live so close to their parents that they would expect them to help? "

loads and loads and loads of people I know

I haven't had a chance to read all the replies, sorry, but
YANBU

I have 3 dc aged 3 and 22 months (twins). I have just resigned as i couldn't make it work, despite having a nanny. Cheaper for that many preschoolers BTW, I don't earn much, was making about 30 a month, just to keep my job.

We have to pay for wrap around care, bank up lieu time for things like sports day, take annual leave for inset days and holiday clubs the rest of the time.

Dh and I have no one to ask for help. Any help with childcare we have we have to pay for (nursery or babysitter)

My PIL do the school run on the two/three days I work each week, but I get free childcare on very hard terms. It is made clear that when they need a favour then I am there for them. They drive but sometimes choose not to when they go shopping or on outings so I am a bit like their taxi service. There are days I wish I could just pay a nice childminder and not be beholden to someone.

surely you dont mind doing this for them laguardia?

you get free childcare, they get help too

whats the problem?

Someone asked who is near their parents for this childcare? I am- and I deliberately haven't taken a job elsewhere to progress my career so I am nearby. I know it can't work for everyone, but for us, being near one set of parents at least was very important. Not all parents want to help out though, which is a different issue. I'm lucky mine do and they would be devastated (though supportive) if we moved away.

I got round this by building a portfolio of work I can mainly do from home - plus now have the world's best, most flexible childminder.

I am a working lone parent. I have no family close by and no one else to help. I do it all alone. My dd is at school but she is still little and I spend huge amounts on childcare. It's hard.

notcontent you have my utmost respect! dh and I struggle and there are two of us at least.

I have toddler DC and DC2 is on the way. Living in a rural area without any childminders currently working pt commuting about an hour in the car ( no reliable public transport ) . I'm being helped by my friend with DC similar age albeit not for free ( i wouldn't expect free childcare and please spare me blah blah blah about her not being registered as i have no other way out).

I' m going to carry on working as long as i can till my EDD and then i'll probably have to pack my job.

Can't move to town for financial and other reasons, because I'm not a spring chicken I could return to work when the youngest DC is old enough( i'll be around 50).

15 hours of free childcare a week is NOTHING. Childcare vouchers are useless for me ( not earning enough to claim them). I'm going to be royally fucked but hey ho twas me who wanted children?

It's all about your expectations. Kids have to go to each other's dentists appt / ballet lessons if there is no one else to leave them with. We had an au pair for a bit when DD3 started school half days only. I paid a friend to collect mine with hers for a while. After school clubs, holiday clubs, and once they get to secondary school they get a phone and a lecture about being sensible. Having been in nursery from babies they have strong immunity (youngest now in yr 8 & only missed 1 day school to date) and they have grown up independent and self reliant. You just get on with it.

My lone parent friend manages to work nights without childcare issues

How??

Do they employ a Night Nanny? If so they must be on a stellar wage for a lone parent.
Do they leave their child alone overnight?
So they let the child live with their extended family during the week (if so no wonder they manage therefore not worth posting really, as that's so unachievable to most lone parents).

I ask as a lone parent of two infant schoolers currently jobhunting and consistently dismayed at the number of jobs in my search criteria that require evening/weekend shifts (impossible for me).

Luckily their school has breakfast and after school clubs. I'm vaguely aware the gov pays 75% or something towards childcare costs, but I don't know if that applies to these sort of clubs yet.
If it doesn't, I'm stuffed, as the total breakfast/afterschool club fees for two kids for one week will be almost £100.

This is assuming I work fulltime.

What's frustrating is that despite all the research I've done - all the government websites Entitled To, etc and Gingerbread lone parent and other lone parent financial forums, and Mumsnet of course, and CAB, and my assigned jobcentre lone parent advisor, one of these areas has been able to reassure me that I will have enough income from a part time job to pay the rent let alone anything else. I fully envisage myself repeating history within a year or three of returning to work, and stealing loo rolls from department stores again and feeding the kids on 9p Value noodles.

*NONE of these areas that should say.

Showmesaturn - Overnight care here is 3.50 an hour, and you can claim back through tax credits. You can claim all holiday and after school clubs as well. My bill is 230 a week for my 2 for near full time care, but its been higher and the most Ive paid myself is 50 a week, and we have a wage in the 30k bracket.

and rememeber when they are in full time care they have all cooked meals so you have a really low food bill as its very rare I need to cook for mine as they have spag bol, roasts etc paid for through the childcare. Then on top of that all trips out are in with it so on weekends I go free places as in the week they have been zoo, play cafes etc. Its all the bits like that which make it even more worth it. Lots of lone parents do it here.

annie, thats very unusual to have such cheap and available childcare

£3.50 an hour??? And that's for overnight care, with a registered childcare provider? My goodness, that's extremely cheap - and unusual.

Full-time nursery (7.30am - 6pm - luckily DS likes it!), very expensive in Central London.

Emergencies - either use a previous dependents day, or take a day's holiday so I don't have to log it as an absence. And then work from home as much as possible anyway (BB constantly on and VPN).

Also, DS' dad and I aren't together any longer, but still very amicable. So, we alternate days, and if there is an emergency and the other is free, will pick up the slack.

It's stressful, involves a lot of running around and DS is in nursery longer than I'd like ... but it has to be done. If we want careers, it's the only option.

ssd - Nationally it averages at 4 an hour for day care according to daynurseries statistics. In the day childcare isnt that expensive in a lot of areas. At nights I think its dependant on area.