AIBU to wonder how working parents manage without extended family support?

[SatsumaSatsuma]

I supposedly have the ultimate family friendly job. I am a part -time teacher, so work term time only, 4 (part) days a week. I often finish early enough to pick up my 2dds from school.

However, despite the seemingly convenient nature of my job, I have depended on grandparents (during January only) to:
-collect dd1 from school once while I took dd1 to the orthodontist out of town
-look after dd1 while she was off sick for 1.5 days
-look after dd2 while she has INSET day
look after DD1 for 3 days at the start of term as her school (private) has holidays that differ from my state school term dates
-collect both dds while I rushed off to an emergency with another relative in hospital
-have dd's as usual on my staff meeting nights after school

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous amount of help to need, for 2 dc, when I work term time only, P/T?

AIBU to think that it would be unbelievably stressful trying to work without their support, to the point that it wouldn't even seem viable?

Got me thinking...How on earth do others manage to work, have DC without family support?

TBH have not read thread but I wonder how any family copes without any family support, people who have any help at all from their parents, even for a few hours, or uncles, aunts, cousins nad so on are so lucky

True about one child BrandNewIggi-It is much harder with more. I have had to be quite pro-active about childcare, as I am a LP, so have had to plan carefully. The holiday issue is the main reason I have a childminder, rather than rely on out of school club, although the oosc ds used to go to does run wrap around holiday care.

Definitely harder with more than one child.

Who are all these friends and relations that people have who don't work themselves and who are happy to step in at the last minute to look after vomiting children

Have not read thread either. Am a single parent, 2dc, no parental support. I use nursery, afterschool respectively, and have a friend for occasional emergencies. I used to be married, but that was still basically the picture.

Excellent post alarkthatcouldpray - well said.

"Every school I know in the UK has an after school club

What utter tommy rot. Both that you are claiming to 'know' every school in the UK and the alleged 'fact' itself."

Er..I'm NOT claiming to know every school in the UK!!
I meant that the schools I know, which happen to be in the UK, have after school clubs!
I think you have the wrong end of the stick alarkthatcouldpray, to put it politely.

Lots of people do. Not too many people having young children these days have parents who are not working themselves and who live nearby.

Dh and I manage between us. We have 2 dc aged 6 and 3.
We both work full time...dh works Tue-Sat 8-6 and I work Mon-Wed 8.30am - 9.30pm (compressed shift). So every week one or both of us is off every day except Tuesday and Wednesday.

On those 2 days the dc go to a childminder. I'm able to take my lunch hour 3-4 to do school pick up and drop them to the cm and dh picks them up at 6.30pm after work.

If one of the dc are ill on one of those days, one of us has to take the day off, which we argue about sort out on an ad-hoc basis, dependant on which of us has the least on at work at that time.

We don't go out together much, but are lucky in that the cm will do late nights occasionally so we're not completely prohibited.

certain couple job combinations don't actually lend themselves that well to this model.

I agree. We are incredibly lucky with two things (both being related to my employer).

1 - that I can work a compressed shift, meaning that i'm off work for 4 days a week...this greatly reduces the chance that the dc will be unwell on a 'both of us working' day.
2 - That my employer lets me take my lunch 3-4pm so I can do school pick up. Dh can't leave the office and our cm doesn't do pick ups so we would be royally screwed if my employer didn't support this for us.

If I had a regular 5 day week, 9-5 we just wouldn't be able to do it. We would probably struggle to the extent one of us would have to be a SAHP. I can imagine that there are lots of situations where it is an absolute nightmare to juggle.

No worries alarkthatcouldpray, and I see your point, especially RE health, but I guess people are just answering the OP, in explaining how they cope.
FWIW, I used to have quite a bit of family support, but since my Dad died and my mum got ill, I have had to be somewhat creative.
What it does mean, is that I can't work full time, which, if I had a partner tag teaming with me, or if I had GP's to help, I would be able to. Not that I exactly want to work more, but the fact is I can't get promoted to better positions in my company unless I do work full time, so it impacts on our prospects.
It is irritating when people crow about how hard their situations are, and how much backbone they have, when of course these things can so often be beyond our control, but people make the best of what they have on the whole.

I apologise if my earlier posts came across as 'crowing'. It is difficult to get 'tone' right over the keyboard.

I am not happy about what our need for childcare requires us to do - make our children independent earlier than we might otherwise prefer (and make journeys alone that we would prefer to accompany them on), buy childcare that we would prefer to provide ouirselves, plan with military precision when we would love to be flexible and caring and child-focused.....

However, the OP was about how we manage, abnd the above is how we do so.

I have 2 kids, one in school, one not.

My DS's after school club has no spaces, so we can't use that.

My childminder will only work 3 days a week (with my young DD and doing pick ups from school).

All the other childminders locally are booked up.

The nurseries round here are fucking awful and I wouldn't leave my dog in one. Even if I could find one for my DD, I still have my DS after school to sort out 2 days a week.

My parents used to help but now they're both too ill.

You know what? I'm at my wit's end. So no, sometimes you don't "just cope" and you can't "just buy childcare."

There is a serious lack of affordable, quality childcare that caters for families with kids both in and too young for school in this country.

And I have a flexible job. If I didn't: dole queue here I come.

(I had also mis-read the OP's tone, in that what she describes is umimaginable luxury to me, and I read it slightly as 'how do people manage without..' 4 bathrooms / a yacht / an acre of garden / a live in housekeeper..... and that made me snippier than I otherwise would have been...)

birds, That's horrible. I know that had we stayed where we used to live, I would probably still be at home, because my options would have been very like yours.

It's a nightmare, afterschool session is fifteen pounds a day, which means I'd be making a loss as currently only working fifteen hours a week, trying to get back in the door. If it weren't for grandma, I'd be losing money :(

Yet the government & media are so quick to judge & pour scorn.

It's soul destroying.

It's true - the help for working parents in this country is abysmal imo. When Gordon Brown threatened to do away with employers childcare vouchers I actually cried - they have been a lifesaver for us financially over the years, and I'm not sure how we would have kept going if we hadn't had them. For a so-called socialist to threaten that was just vicious.

We have a great cm.

We take annual leave.

There's an option here for 6m unpaid parental leave in first I think 4y of a child's life (ireland). Emp'r can insist on min of 6w so it is not availabe casually really. But I guess if there was a v serious crisis one or other of us would have to utilise that.

I actually think it can be harder if you work pt because you probably tend to think you will manage with less help than you really tun out to need and it's harder to access that help becuase your need for it is unpredictable. We work ft and are lucky to have a ft vg cm who just minds our 2 dc. So we only take time for serious bouts of illness or say the most intense part. Once they are on the mend they go back to cm.

I agree with posters who live in areas with a wealth of provision, but on mumsnet there seems to be lots of areas with gaps. Its crazy more childminders dont start up in those areas there must be some people who are caring profession personalities or ex childcarers who would be interested. Theres a goldmine of money to be made in these areas which lack provision. Its crazy!

Our after school club is over subscribed, the alternative is nursery care up to age 7, which costs more per hour than I earn...

Ridiculous.

I live in the inner city: in theory, there should be endless childcare options. In reality, the schools are oversubscribed, meaning massive waiting lists for after school care, the nurseries are awful and all the good childminders/nurseries are similarly booked up.

It's a joke. And then you factor in school holidays and the fact that teachers like to have extra days off for training... After 6 weeks of juggling over the summer and then the first day back in school is yet another sodding staff training day...

And not one politician gives a shit (yet do so want us all in work).

I love my kids, I love my job, I don't mind paying for childcare - so why is it so hard?

Um, we pay for breakfast /after school/ holiday club, and if anything comes up that falls outside those hours, we take it in turns to work from home/take a day off.

The thing is, it's always pointless to ask how people manage any given situation, be it childcare, being a single parent, having a disabled child etc. You find a way because you haven't got any choice not to cope.

Fifteen quid a session for out of school club! Fuck me. The ones by me are ten and eight, which is bad enough!
I do know that in the South East (where I am not) is more expensive for childcare.

I'm a teacher working part time too.

My child is 2, and is with a childminder during my hours.

I have 1 auntie who is "on call" should I need help!