AIBU to wonder how working parents manage without extended family support?

[SatsumaSatsuma]

I supposedly have the ultimate family friendly job. I am a part -time teacher, so work term time only, 4 (part) days a week. I often finish early enough to pick up my 2dds from school.

However, despite the seemingly convenient nature of my job, I have depended on grandparents (during January only) to:
-collect dd1 from school once while I took dd1 to the orthodontist out of town
-look after dd1 while she was off sick for 1.5 days
-look after dd2 while she has INSET day
look after DD1 for 3 days at the start of term as her school (private) has holidays that differ from my state school term dates
-collect both dds while I rushed off to an emergency with another relative in hospital
-have dd's as usual on my staff meeting nights after school

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous amount of help to need, for 2 dc, when I work term time only, P/T?

AIBU to think that it would be unbelievably stressful trying to work without their support, to the point that it wouldn't even seem viable?

Got me thinking...How on earth do others manage to work, have DC without family support?

Im talking about sniffly nose. We have parents who ring in and say they have a little sniffly nose but are fine running around but better keep them off

Its not sending them in sick, its just not keeping them home for unspecified feeling below par, or a runny nose/cough.

Exactly beeinbonnet you get them in the workplace as well. Ringing in with every minor ailment and driving everyone else crazy.

I find it very difficult, I also teach a lot and the problem is that in my area (university) there's no cover and you can't take your children along with you/stay at home (as my friend does if say her child is unwell). I do rely on my parents, they can't always help out but if they can it makes a big difference.

I just find emergencies so stressful, when I get a phone call saying 'your child is a bit unwell can you come and get them' in the middle of a busy teaching day and it's just not possible to drop and run very easily.

I am fine for standard childcare cover and holidays- it's the emergencies I hate, all that early morning ringing round trying to get hold of the docs/school/anyone to take the kids.

In my work, one cancelled class a term might be acceptable more than that would be very frowned upon unless it was an extreme emergency/relative died etc.

Oh and fill up any spare day with a houseful of kids to repay the favour, and send the kids to school if they can stand up and haven't a temperature.
Take your child to work occasionally if you have to do a weekend/ event
Have a nice teenage babysitter on speeddial

And make sure you have a supportive boss who accepts there are some out of hours meetings you just can't do and that occasionally you will call in and reorganise all your meetings because your child is puking everywhere

I suppose teaching has child friendly hours but a big problem I imagine would be having to use leave in term time for child illness or things like parents evening if your a single parent.

I work 3 days a week but mine are all under 5 so makes life easier. OH works away and there is no family to help out. I use daycare for school drop off and pick up, afterschool care which is available all the way through primary school. Secondary school is going to be tougher, I may have to look into a nanny.

It's when they go to school that it becomes more of a hassle. Our school doesn't have enough breakfast club and after school places for all the kids that need them. What do the parents do that didn't manage to get a place but who need to drop off only half an hour before school opens and pick up an hour, or even less, after it ends? It's bloody expensive to cater for those half an hour here or an hour there cases.

I work full time9-5, DH works 9-about 7.30 most days, one half day. Both dds were in nursery full time from 1yr and now that dd1 is at school, she does after school club. We have just enough annual leave between us to cover school holidays and get 1 week together as a family.

Very lucky that both girls (and us) are pretty healthy so minimal number of days off sick. When that happens, we divvy up evenly according to whoever has the busiest day - I work in a library and he's a doctor so no possibility to take poorly kid in to work or do work from home... I'm very lucky that my boss has got a school age kid and also has no local grandparents so is very sympathetic if I call in at short notice. Also says that when working hours end, that's where our commitment ends - I probably miss out on some networking events, but for now the family has to come first.

I don't work any more for precisely this reason. We don't have either set of grandparents and my siblings work full time too.

Every time I see a job I think might fit I think "But what about the holidays?" I know it's possible but the added logistics and stress for the kind of work I could get wouldn't make it worth it for me.

We will have to get an au pair to do pick ups/drop offs 4 days a week and so inset days etc. You're lucky to have support from family if you have it!

Agree with praying for nothing out of the ordinary to happen.

annie I need care from 7am-7pm, but when I call nurseries & childminders nobody does those hours. What do you suggest?

CurlyhairedAssassin - this is me. I chose a school with wrap around care now I can't get an after school place two days a week. Luckily iv secured breakfast club but I'm going to have to pay the younger dc nursery for pick up and care at 3x the school price.

Single parent no family support here. I paid a lot for nursery and before and after school clubs. If son was I'll I had to stay off work and just hope I kept my job.School would only ring if very ill not just a sniffle. At high school he became a latch key kid which he liked as he liked time on his own. This was until he changed schools and I know drop off and pick up from school bus.now he is older he stays home in bed when sick.

Fingers crossed I can get dc1 into my works summer scheme (love the NHS at times)

It's ok most of the time but can be a nightmare if anything crops up. I work three days and DH is full time in quite a senior job so hours can be long. Ours are in childcare 7.30 til 5.45 on my working days and if they're ill, one of us ends up taking leave. In an absolute emergency (like when I was taken into hospital last year) then we have neighbours and friends we could call on, but for most day to day stuff, we have to plan and try to find the easiest option. We are often jealous of our siblings who have family on the doorstep, but there are other benefits to living away from home, so it balances out I guess.

DH and I managed most of it between ourselves, juggling lots, sharing days off when dd sick, doing work at home when dd was alseep, paying a fortune to child are etc, from dd being 4 months old. DH dropped her in the mornings and I collected at night, so we were able to work longer the opposite ends of the day. We also managed quite a few business trips each, although mostly DH (I changed job meaning my travel hugely dropped off).

When DH starting spending 2 weeks out of 4 away for a work project, we got an au pair to do mornings and some other bits. Now, she does mornings and 2 full afternnons, and collects from afterschool club 2 more afternoons. The 3 trips I've had to make have all coincided with DH being away, unavoidable, and luckily PIL came up twice and my DSis the other, as it's not fair to leave AP with the overnight responsibility.

PIL have also given us a few weekends overt he years, minding dd in their house while we go to a hotel for a couple of nights. Much needed. We do take dd with us as well a lot on other trips, and spend lots of weekends in PIL together. They live 3 hours from us.

It's hard, but we've muddled through.

Same as tallesttower in that it is very difficult to drop everything in the middle of a day of teaching to go and pick up a child if they are not feeling well. My students pay for their classes and it is always so hard to get cover, even with notice.

I work three quarters of the week and one evening. Afterschool club once a week and i am lucky in that my timetable enables me to mostly pick them up from school (but always such a manic rush from work which can be stressful).

Mornings are stressful and I usually drop them at school early. One morning I drop them at another mum's house as i have to be at work at another campus in another town. I return that favour Wed and Thurs (which is even more stressful - trying to get 4 kids to school and then leg it to work)

Holidays are ok, DH and I split the summer so that he is takes holiday off and then I do when he is back at work. We have one week off together.

However, I do have some extended support as my Mum can do the occasional day - but it has to be booked well in advance as she is a nurse and lives 25 miles away. For example I have already asked her to bavbysit a day in the Easter hols.

I have to be very organised.

Is there none at all Jane? We have some nurseries that do that here but it isnt always advertised.If you give them an extra quid an hour for the first and last hours childminders here will do those hours as 7-7 is quite standard. Ive had my youngest in 7-7 every day at one point.

We both work 4 days. At the moment we have a nanny but will change to a. Au pair when DS starts school. I do school drop offs and pick ups from school or after school care, for our nanny's holidays I swap childcare with other school mums. We use holiday clubs which are subsidised by my work.

Illness is difficult. Af the moment our nanny will usually cover when the children are ill, if she's ill we juggle the day. A huge factor in it working though is that both me and DH hAve jobs where we can easily work from home and the seniority to be allowed to do do. Now the children are a bit older, I think it is okay to have a poorly child snuggled in blankets on the sofa listening to a story tape or watching tv while I work on the laptop in the same room.

Agree with others you just get on with it.

In terms of your OP, some of those are "routine" things that you would expect to crop up - such as inset days and school holidays. I guess if we had the same set up as you, but not grandparent help (we don't) DH would cover inset days and we would rely on holiday club in school to cover school holidays. Then you are literally down to the unexpected one off - and you do seem to have had more than your fair share of them in January! My DC are similar ages to yours, and we've only had one "awkward" day in this whole school year (i.e. since September) - when DS was sent home because he wasn't well. If it's just the odd one off, our employers are ok.

No, I've called everyone local, my older DC1 is in school & her after school club is 7.30 - 6.00. Obviously a nanny would do those hours but as my pay is £23k that equation doesn't really work...

Its weird how these well paid places have a lot less provision. Im on a much lower wage than you but as are most people here so I think thats why there is so much choice.

I've just had to take 3 days unpaid leave this week as ds2 was sick off school. Its what you have to do. The hard part is when they start secondary school. Trying to get them into clubs then is impossible and leaving them home alone all day doesnt feel right. Thats when the fun starts! Dropping an 8 yr old at a childminder every day is easy in comparison.

I think the op knows exactly how lucky she is, I find her posts a bit goady.

Have used childminders and after school clubs.
Also, me and Dh take a lot of opposite leave from work to try and cover school holidays/snow days/insert days/strike days.......
I envy those who don't need to do this and are able to have a family break each half term.