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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this mother needs reporting?

191 replies

piklepants · 30/01/2014 04:37

School pick up yesterday and one Mum picked her 4 yr old son up and she was wobbly drunk smelling of alcohol. A couple of other mums noticed (She wasn't driving but this is stil not on is it?) she was speaking to a teacher and I'm not sure if the teacher noticed but I saw teacher watch them walk away. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Lagoonablue · 30/01/2014 11:25

Typical MN. The facts are that a woman was potentially drunk with a child. It should be reported to the school. It is a safeguarding matter. They have procedures, let them use them and the people that are paid to assess these situations will make a decision.

The amount of justifications on this type of thread are worrying. No one is saying her child should be snatched away from her or that people shouldn't drink around children BUT for every logical assumption there are many alternative scenarios. Everything we know from serious case reviews is that lots of people had little bits of information which if pieced together would have raised concerns. Maybe this woman had a glass too many at lunch time or maybe she is a serious alcoholic but it is not for the OP to decide. She had a concern and she should have mentioned it to the school. Don't we all have a duty of care to children. Too much minding of business is not helpful.

Btw turning up at school a bit pissed is not great whatever the circumstances and don't give a fuck it that is 'judgey' or not. If some people judged a bit more we might avoid some serious incidents.

I mentioned a similar incident at our school. Parent turned up a bit drunk. Not falling down but smelling of booze. School wouldn't and are not allowed to release a child into their parents care in such a case. Police and SS called. Turns out there is serious alcohol abuse in this family and neglect. Kids AND parents now getting support and the help they need.

meditrina · 30/01/2014 11:26

Unless you think the teacher she was talking to has defective powers of observation or no concern for pupil welfare, then I wouldn't do anything about it on this occasion.

If it was a frequent occurrence, then I'd reach a different conclusion. And MrsCakes suggestion of chatting to her from time to time is probably the most helpful short term option.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/01/2014 11:35

Lagoona
The parent in question spoke to a teacher so a member of staff is aware of the state she was in because they interacted directly with her.

JakeBullet · 30/01/2014 12:06

For those who suggested extending the hand of friendship to this woman. Yes that is a fabulous idea too.....but IF she has an alcohol problem it still doesn't remove the safeguarding issue.

She might be able to talk to someone about it all if the friendship becomes close enough but that does not change anything for the child if things are bad at home.

I am frankly astonished that people would ignore this and think it none if their business. Honestly? This is why children die sometimes.....because everyone ignored it.

littlewhitebag · 30/01/2014 12:10

lagoonblue Being drunk in charge of a child really is not a safeguarding issue and i say that as a child protection SW. If a mother is regularly turning up falling down drunk and there are other signs of neglect then maybe, but not as a one off.

In this case a teacher spoke directly to the parent in question and would have made a judgement call on how capable she was. We do not know what conversation was had between teacher and parent and how it was left. On this occasion the OP should just leave it.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 30/01/2014 12:27

Well why didn't you say? I'm calling social services to the next wedding I attend. They will have a field day.

pictish · 30/01/2014 12:29
Grin
meditrina · 30/01/2014 12:36

Jake I hadn't intended to suggest friendship would 'remove' a potential alcohol-related safeguarding issue. Rather to provide opportunities to spot if there is one. Or not. Or perhaps something else. And a chance to make a genuine new friend and knit the school community a bit closer.

JakeBullet · 30/01/2014 12:45

True....always good to do this.

ColdTeaAgain · 30/01/2014 12:46

Am amazed at how many people are shrugging something like this off as nothing or none of their business. How is picking a child up from school drunk ok, in any circumstance?

If it were medically related then one would assume this behaviour had been noticed before?
Maybe the woman usually drinks later in the day but for some reason started earlier that day? She could be drunk every night for all we know! OR it may of just been a one off and she had arranged someone else to collect children and had been let down, not great but hardly the workds biggest crime. We just don't know!

BUT I always think gut instinct is a marvellous thing. If there is something niggling that makes you think there is a cause for concern then say something to the teacher she was talking to. Surely if all the tragic stories over recent years have taught us anything then its better to be safe than sorry.

Lagoonablue · 30/01/2014 12:51

Disagree. White flag. I too work in area of child safeguarding and IMO if there is an issue then someone should deal with it. If the OP saw that the teacher was speaking to the mother then I guess she might be satisfied something was being noted and may choose not to say anything but is she had then that is OK.

It is actually a safeguarding issue in the broadest terms. Drunk in charge of a child is a criminal offence as has been pointed out. Fair enough reacher sees parent, makes a judgement, acts or not. That is someone following safeguarding procedures.

Lagoonablue · 30/01/2014 12:52

Sorry should read littlewhitebag.

babybarrister · 30/01/2014 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JackNoneReacher · 30/01/2014 12:56

Gosh I'm glad Social services weren't at the last school fair. Most of the parents left with mulled wine breath at the very least. School seemed happy to let the children go though.

When people say it's not ok to be drunk in charge of a child what do they mean? No alcohol at all if a child is in the house? Is it ok if they're in bed? Or if you can still drive?

Good job I always remember to have some chewing gum on the (incredibly rare) occasion I do the pick up after a glass of wine at lunchtime.

JackNoneReacher · 30/01/2014 13:00

Oh I think I've answered my own question (partly).

Seems its against the law to be drunk in charge of a child under 7

Not sure what's meant by 'drunk' though.

Tokyocalling · 30/01/2014 13:03

As a one off I wouldn't report this. But I would make sure the teacher was aware, to lookout for any future episodes.

kungfupannda · 30/01/2014 13:14

If this is the first time, then no, I don't think you should report it. If you've seen her obviously drunk on multiple occasions then you should probably speak to the school who will have more information than you.

I don't drink during the day, except at weddings etc, as it affects me more than in the evening, for some reason. I'm also very up and down with my alcohol tolerance - sometimes I can drink 2 large glasses of wine and be fine, and other times I can have a few sips and feel drunk.

I could quite easily look wobbly on half a glass of wine on a low-tolerance day.

ColdTeaAgain · 30/01/2014 13:57

Exactly kungfu. Everyone has different tolerance levels, one glass of wine will make some people pretty unsteady, whilst another person wouldn't even notice it. That doesn't mean it's ok for the person with a low tolerance to do it just because other people can have a drink and still be fine to go about their daily tasks.

littlewhitebag · 30/01/2014 13:58

lagoonablue I work in Scotland but as i understand it safeguarding is the same as i would call child protection? Maybe i have got that wrong. But under those terms being drunk in charge of a child is not an issue. Maybe in England safeguarding covers a broader remit?

As you correctly point out the teacher has spoken to this parent and made a judgement. Perhaps she has reported this herself if she had a concern.

Sillylass79 · 30/01/2014 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bochead · 30/01/2014 14:18

Be careful - I have diabetic friends who can appear drunk when they need their meds/a mars bar. The teacher is in a position to know that via school records, you are not.

I'd have a quiet word with the school as a report like this for someone who is actually ill could cause untold damage. That way you aren't causing trouble for the sake of it, but you are looking out for the kids welfare iyswim.

Lagoonablue · 30/01/2014 14:20

Yes in England safeguarding covers the full spectrum but includes child protection. I agree with you that this incident wouldn't necessarily need a full follow up, maybe but depends on info received.

Lagoonablue · 30/01/2014 14:22

Yes silly lass, there seems to be a misconception that children's social care dive in for the smallest thing. As you show things have to be really wretched for serious intervention. Unfortunately IMO.

formerbabe · 30/01/2014 14:33

I am on medication that can make me very drowsy...I am really paranoid that other parents on the school run might think I am drunk. Don't jump to conclusions.

Kewcumber · 30/01/2014 14:39

Am amazed at how many people are shrugging something like this off as nothing or none of their business. How is picking a child up from school drunk ok, in any circumstance?

Oh dear

I went out for a very rare very boozy lunch last year and was certainly over the limit (I caught the bus because I knew I was), I would even describe myself as tipsy.

Shall I report myself?

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