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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this mother needs reporting?

191 replies

piklepants · 30/01/2014 04:37

School pick up yesterday and one Mum picked her 4 yr old son up and she was wobbly drunk smelling of alcohol. A couple of other mums noticed (She wasn't driving but this is stil not on is it?) she was speaking to a teacher and I'm not sure if the teacher noticed but I saw teacher watch them walk away. Wwyd?

OP posts:
MeepMeepVrooooom · 30/01/2014 09:33

Oh dear I am planning to break the law sevraleral times over the next month or so. Shall I hand myself in now or have a bloody good time first?

I doubt that is an enforceable law where I am. Us Scots drink daily jist tae keep warm Grin

Katnisscupcake · 30/01/2014 09:35

It could be that she'd been out for lunch and had arranged for someone else to collect the child, but for some reason they had to let her down so there could have been no alternative than for her to go and pick up the child?

Unless it's a regular occurrence, I would give her the benefit of the doubt. There may well be someone else at home who can look after the child once they get back.

JakeBullet · 30/01/2014 09:36

I think the key issue here is that the woman appeared drunk and smelt of alcohol. That IS a safeguarding issue.....hopefully if it was that obvious then the school would have had a chat with children's social care about what to do next. You cannot presume anything though....one of the factors when children die is that people presumed x had reported or passed certain information on when X might not have done.

This mother might just have been out for lunch had one too many and decided not to drive to pick her child up.....there might be someone at home who is sober too.

On the other hand she might have a real issue and the child might be going home to chaos, no tea and fending for himself.

It is not your job to wonder which you DO have a duty to this child though if you are unsure. Safeguarding children is everybody's business.....

Contact someone....the school if you don't know who the child is and report it. There will be someone paid to look into this and see if the explanation is simple (just one too many at lunch on this one occasion) or if there is a more deep seated issue.

JakeBullet · 30/01/2014 09:37

God I SO want an "Edit post" button so I can add the punctuation I missed out.

Aelfrith · 30/01/2014 09:38

Regardless of whether someone is drunk or unwell or very distressed (funeral scenarios mentioned by earlier posters), the school should not be letting a child go with any adult who appears to be incapable of looking after them. If anything happens to the child then the school's judgement would be called into question and quite rightly.

The teacher may be young/inexperienced and not have known what to do. You should report it tot the HT so that it can be followed up and the teachers can be trained in how to handle this situation. (Used to be a teacher, have been in this portion half a dozen times over 20 years).

It's def. safeguarding matter IMHO. I'd expect it to be fully recorded by the CPLO at the school and passed on to children's services.

CockBollocks · 30/01/2014 09:41

We sadly have an alchoholic mother at our school.
Some have tried to help her (not ended well) most avoid. The school are well aware but I don't think there is a great deal they can do. They quite often refuse to release the children unless she gets someone else to collect.

I suspect if she has a real problem they know already.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/01/2014 09:41

I agree aelfrith.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/01/2014 09:42

Cock-don't you think that is a 'real problem?'

MeepMeepVrooooom · 30/01/2014 09:48

OP didn't say she was incapable of looking after the child. She said she was a bit wobbly and smelt of alcohol.

She may have been wobbly for another reason, I look pissed in high heels when I'm stone cold sober. If it was a regular occurrence then fair enough but a one off then no.

And if other Mum's noticed who presumably smelt the alcohol off her too you're telling me a teacher who actually had a conversation with the mother wouldn't?

If you were that concerned did you speak to the mother? I will drink at certain occasions with my daughter in tow but I know my limits and wouldn't drink enough to make me incapable of looking after her. There is a vast difference between being a bit tipsy and being paralytic and incapable of looking after your child.

CockBollocks · 30/01/2014 09:48

Yes it is. Horribly sad for the kid, but if you have ever known a high functioning alchoholic it's very difficult.

Unfortunately until someone comes to harm they can't do much Sad

hairymonkey · 30/01/2014 09:49

I like the idea of the school mum Stasi keeping surveillance and gathering evidence so they can report this disgraceful woman.

A bit wobbly could mean many things, from bouncy and tipsy to laggered. We need a deeper investigation, was she wearing wedges? Did she have red wine teeth or perhaps ale farts? Keep your eyes peeled ladies, parents could be having a drink at lunch time in unknown circumstances at a school near you!!!

CockBollocks · 30/01/2014 09:52

Oh, and I don't think a one off is a real problem. Like others have said, who knows what had happened. Just keep an eye and report if you see it again.

Owllady · 30/01/2014 09:58

I have picked my son up after having a pub lunch with a couple of glasses of wine but like someone said above, I felt completely paranoid so don't make a habit of it!

One of my old neighbours was one of these drunk on the school run mums :( it was bloody sad

poopooheadwillyfatface · 30/01/2014 10:03

I would mention it to the teacher. And I have. A mum who is frequently pissed at pick up time. School were already aware but it is useful for them to know, you don't know what is going on behind the scenes from a safeguarding POV.

I wouldn't worry about anyone looking like they had been drinking once in a blue moon, but this mum was persistently pissed at 3pm - that is not normal or fine IMHO.

CaptainGrinch · 30/01/2014 10:09

You can tell the School Stasi by the walk - they have a distinctive shuffle caused by the high "Judgey Pants Wedgie", and have a notebook & pen clasped in their claws....

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK · 30/01/2014 10:09

I am exhasuted at the moment, I could have half a shandy and be un steady on my feet.

if your soooo worried why not observe, and perhaps rather than reporting her, reach out and chat to her and be friendly...see how she is....

I understand your concern, but I am full of cold, been up all night with baby, i would look un steady right now.

I find these reporting threads sad, rather than - should I reach out and chat to her, be friend her and so on...

CaptainGrinch · 30/01/2014 10:10

Does anyone else now fancy going for a pint before they pick the kids up?

MeepMeepVrooooom · 30/01/2014 10:12

CaptainGrinch Jealous of you bunch of lushes my DD isn't at school yet. My time will come Smile

FloweryFeatureWall · 30/01/2014 10:12

I'm surprised by how many people are saying it's none of OPs business. Isn't the safety of children everybody's business? Hmm OP has no way of knowing if it's a one off or if this is just the one time she's noticed and it's not her responsibility to keep quiet and keep an eye out for next time. She should mention it to the teacher as they may be keeping a record of similar incidents and this may be the incident that means a report is made. The teacher may have already noticed the situation anyway but it's better to be safe than sorry. Playing the maybe game is a bit risky when it comes to protecting children.

SaucyJack · 30/01/2014 10:19

Absolutely FeatureWall

I just dispute however that a one-off boozy lunch is an "incident" in the first place.

Neitheronethingortheother · 30/01/2014 10:19

Do some people spend their life just going around reporting other people. Not saying you op but if I reported half the things I saw that went agains the way I parented I would have time for nothing else. I don't drink at all and I might raise an eyebrow at a parent who was collecting their child under the influence but if I knew them I would probably make conversation with them. My first thought when I see someone struggling with parenting or anything is how can I help them, what can I do? It is never who can I repor them to. I dont live in the UK but it seems that there is a real reporting culture atm or maybe it is only on MN that people advise it so much. Is it a backlash from a time when everyone minded their own business and children were overlooked? It does seem ott to me but I guess its different from country to country and culture to culture.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 30/01/2014 10:29

I agree, people seem quicker to report a situation that they don't even know is recurring one rather than saying. Hey how you doing? You got time for a coffee?

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK · 30/01/2014 10:29

My first thought when I see someone struggling with parenting or anything is how can I help them, what can I do? It is never who can I repor them to

This is what I cant grasp Neither, its like we are turning into a fascist, socialist state where we would rather report each other and police each other than simply talk and see whats going on with each other.

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK · 30/01/2014 10:32

My neighbour was smashed once and I raised an eyebrow her kids were going crazy in my garden, then another neighbour said her grandparent had just died suddenly....you just dont know what people are going through.

I am all for looking out for the child, you may talk to the parent and find out its even worse than you thought and definalty needs reporting, but why not first of all just try and chat?

" hello, I am so and so's mum i saw you looking under the weather yesterday are you ok?would you like to go for a coffee?"

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK · 30/01/2014 10:33

I like the idea of the school mum Stasi keeping surveillance and gathering evidence so they can report this disgraceful woman

Sorry I missed this, it is like the Stasi...whats wrong with people?

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