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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this mother needs reporting?

191 replies

piklepants · 30/01/2014 04:37

School pick up yesterday and one Mum picked her 4 yr old son up and she was wobbly drunk smelling of alcohol. A couple of other mums noticed (She wasn't driving but this is stil not on is it?) she was speaking to a teacher and I'm not sure if the teacher noticed but I saw teacher watch them walk away. Wwyd?

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 30/01/2014 10:34

A one off is concerning but not a big fat massive red flag problem. I'd mention it to the teacher, just in case, for whatever reason, she didn't notice.

Timetoask · 30/01/2014 10:34

So, she got drunk because her grandparent had died?

There is a big alcohol problem in the uk. They use it to relax, they use it to unwind, they use it when they are upset. It's ridiculous.
If you are going to have a child under your care, then do not drink. End of.

It really makes me angry.

Whatisaweekend · 30/01/2014 10:36

Don't worry OP, I would be stunned if the school didn't already know. I was in exactly the same situ last year and, on speaking to another mum, discovered that it had already been mentioned and the school were well aware. Is her child in yr child's year? Could you extend the hand of friendship? Maybe she is unhappy/in need of a friend...

MeepMeepVrooooom · 30/01/2014 10:37

Timetotask why should zero alcohol be consumed? Presumably responsibly parent know their limits. Do you drink ever?

MrsCakesPremonition · 30/01/2014 10:41

Say "Hello, how are you? Have you had a nice day?"
Start a conversation, give her a chance to tell you if it was a special occasion and she had been out for lunch, or if she had had an unusually tough day or got some bad news.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 30/01/2014 10:43

Mrs Cakes - bang on.

kohl · 30/01/2014 10:44

I wish someone had spoken to one of my teachers when my mother turned up stinking of booze to collect me. But then I wish the school would have done something when she turned up incoherent and falling over at parents' evenings. It might have saved me from years of emotional, physical and sexual abuse.

I think people making light of the situation on this thread are lovely people, who can't imagine how a mother can potentially treat her children. The fact is, yes, she could have had a celebratory lunch/bad news/one drink and feeling a bit tipsy etc. But there's the possibility that there's something else going on, and if there is, her children deserve someone to notice and help them.

I would keep an eye out for her, start a conversation asking if she's ok, as others have suggested and if it happens again, mention it to the school.

MrsCakesPremonition · 30/01/2014 10:44

I am boggling at the idea that no parent must ever, ever drink any alcohol. How old must my DCs be before I can have a glass of wine with much meal with a clear conscience?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 30/01/2014 10:48

Goodness me, I can hardly see through the glare of halos!

OP has not answered the question as to whether this is a frequent occurence or a one off.

If it's a one off then I can't see what all the fuss is about....she may have been out for lunch, she may have been to a wake, she wasn't driving - seriously, I am sure everyone of us at some point has had a drink whilst looking after their kids. Friday night is my drink night and in the summer there are plenty of BBQ'sin the day time, with, god forbid, alcohol.

My mum had a neurological condition called Ataxia - this made her very wobbly on her feet and she also felt very sick. I remember once in Spain walling along the prom with her and she felt very sick and had to vomit in a bush - embarassing for her at the best of times, let alone with staring judging arseholes watching her - thinking she was drunk no doubt.

Bubble80 · 30/01/2014 10:53

That could have been me last year OP. I had just buried a close relative and the funeral was early on. I was home in time to collect the kids from school. I had had a couple of drinks, am a lightweight but people probably noticed. It was a one off. Yabu without knowing circumstance. If she turns up daily like this yanbu. Butt out.

rainraingoAWAYNEVERCOMEBACK · 30/01/2014 10:53

Maybe its why she was talking to the teacher to say " i have just buried my husband" or something.

Khol I agree with everything you say, I am not naive, sadly and know all to well the problems of alchol and children, however even you say, talk to her and make a conversation with her....

if this was, I always see this mum coming in drunk, yes say something but aon e `

FloweryFeatureWall · 30/01/2014 10:57

saucy, the whole point is OP doesn't know if it's a one off boozy lunch. It's just the one time she's seen her drunk. It doesn't mean she hasn't done it before. Do you check out every other parent daily at pickup? Everyone is bleating about it being a one off so it's not a big deal when no one knows if it was or not. And the stuff about keeping an eye out and chatting to her to see it she's okay is ridiculous. Alcoholics can't lie and cover their tracks? That's a new one.

Just mention it to the school. If they already have concerns, this will help them get a better picture. If they don't, they can keep an eye from their position of responsibility to check it doesn't happen again.

frugalfuzzpig · 30/01/2014 11:00

A one off I wouldn't do anything, a regular occurrence I would

MeepMeepVrooooom · 30/01/2014 11:01

If she had said this woman always comes drunk the response on this thread would be entirely different. The fact of the matter is OP has not addressed the many PPs asking, which makes me think it was a one off and the judgypants were out in full force at those school gates.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/01/2014 11:02

Flowery
If she goes to talk to her today and she is wobbly and /or reeks of booze then she'll know that it wasn't one off.

Timetoask · 30/01/2014 11:02

MeepMeep: There is a difference between having one glass of wine with food and having a bit of a breath, and being wobbly on your feet (like OP describes). In answer to your question I drink maybe once a month or so, but not to the point of being drunk. When I go out with friends I drink a bit more, but always in the knowledge that DH will look after the dc (one of us stays sober).

Topaz25 · 30/01/2014 11:02

I don't think being wobbly drunk picking up a child is ever OK, she may not be driving but she needs to be able to supervise him safely. Iw ould leave it to the teacher though, they will have noticed too and they are a mandated reporter.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 30/01/2014 11:03

i don't think it's ever a good idea to be drunk in charge of kids but i haven't rtft and don't know whether this is a regular occurrence or not? obviously if it is, report, but otherwise...

FloweryFeatureWall · 30/01/2014 11:06

chaz, and if she doesn't smell or isn't wobbly that means it wasn't? Her not being drunk today doesn't mean it is a one off either. Is OP going to take on the job of checking this woman everyday for the next who knows how long to be sure?

littlewhitebag · 30/01/2014 11:13

My DD's school actually serves wine at everything the parents are invited to! It is parents night on Monday and there will probably be wine. I won't have any as i have to drive but i am sure others might.

It is not bad to have a few drinks and collect your children. The only issue would be if the mother was falling down drunk every day and couldn't care for the child adequately but OP has no evidence to suggest this is the case.

Busyoldfool · 30/01/2014 11:14

It's January - you have been seeing this family since September I guess. Is the child happy, clean, healthy, well-cared for? Is the mother usually on time, dressed, sober, caring...? Are you really concerned for the child? Or do you just want to report for the satisfaction of it.

Talk to her as other posters have said.

everlong · 30/01/2014 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveWine · 30/01/2014 11:17

My God, I didn't realize we lived in such a controlled state. Why would you report this woman - expressing concern is one thing, reporting her is another. What would expect SS to do - take her kids away because you saw her drunk once. What is this society coming to...

MeepMeepVrooooom · 30/01/2014 11:17

As I said, if I'm in heels I can be wobbly on my feet without a drink.

I'm a single Mum so have sole care of my DD but I share a bottle of wine at Sunday dinner on almost a weekly basis with my own Mum. Should her neighbours report me?

I also attended a wedding a few months back and had to leave at around 12am, relatively drunk because my DD wasn't well. I collected her a brought her home because all she wanted was her own bed and her favorite teddy which had been overlooked when packing her clothes. That night I bumped into a neighbour and I explained the situation and the following day she dropped in some homemade soup for DD. Should she have reported me instead, because you know I could have been lying.

Some of the logic on this thread is beyond me. If you don't know what the situation is why would you immediately do something that could prove to result in a stressful situation for the mother and in turn having an adverse affect on the child?

Go to your local pub this week at lunchtime and see the amount of families out having a drink and some lunch with their DC in tow. They may well drink more than one glass of wine, that doesn't render them incapable of looking after their children.

PrincessPeashooter · 30/01/2014 11:20

Certainly mention it to the school but then leave it with them to deal with.

FWIW I once received some very bad news during the day and was given a whiskey to settle my nerves. Whiskey makes me stink of alcohol and I was wobbly due to shock. My boss drove me home but if I'd had to go out I'd have looked and smelt like a teetering lush. She spoke to the teacher, if she was pissed she would have avoided getting close so she could just have been informing them of whatever happened in case the children were distressed in school.

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