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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this mother needs reporting?

191 replies

piklepants · 30/01/2014 04:37

School pick up yesterday and one Mum picked her 4 yr old son up and she was wobbly drunk smelling of alcohol. A couple of other mums noticed (She wasn't driving but this is stil not on is it?) she was speaking to a teacher and I'm not sure if the teacher noticed but I saw teacher watch them walk away. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Nerfmother · 30/01/2014 07:23

Mention to the teacher. Lots of people have bad news and celebrations and don't get wobbly drunk during the day when in charge of a child. Those that do tend to have a problem. Ime (which is limited to knowing lots of mums and two very closely related alcoholics)

YouTheCat · 30/01/2014 07:29

Having a glass of wine/beer with lunch is one thing. Having enough alcohol to make you unsteady on your feet is another.

I wouldn't report though. Schools have procedures for these things and if they hadn't felt she was okay to take her child they would have called SS.

PiperRose · 30/01/2014 07:32

It doesn't matter if it's a one-off. She is breaking the law, it is illegal to be drunk and responsible for a child. What if they got home and she passed out on the sofa?

I would have reported it to the school safeguarding professional. She may already be open to social services, if not the professional would make the decision whether it needed reporting or not.

pictish · 30/01/2014 07:32

If this was a one off, then I think 'reporting' her, would be overblown and histrionic. I would suggest anyone given to do so, find an interest or hobby that will refrain them from creating a drama out of other people's affairs, in which they may insert themselves.

If it happened regularly, then more understandable.

AramintaDeWinter · 30/01/2014 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApocalypseThen · 30/01/2014 07:36

So this woman had a drink for some reason, picked the child up, spoke to the teacher about why she wasn't at her best but would be ok and is now subject of a Schooltime Special: School Mums Investigate (and report! Exciting!)

pictish · 30/01/2014 07:38

Apocalypse - spot on! And amusingly so!

Ilovexmastime · 30/01/2014 07:41

Agree with other posters, if it's a one off then leave it alone.

DrNick · 30/01/2014 07:42

there is no evidence from OP she was incapable of looking after the kid is there?

StanleyLambchop · 30/01/2014 07:47

Maybe the wobbliness was not connected to the drinking. There may be something else causing that, and then she had a small drink at lunchtime, to account for the smell. You just don't know all the facts. If she could get up to school to collect, and have a conversation with the teacher then it does not sound like she was totally off her face. I often have a glass of wine at home, in the evening, the children are around, I am not drunk but I would not be able to drive them anywhere in an emergency? Would you report me for that?

Paintyfingers · 30/01/2014 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairymonkey · 30/01/2014 07:53

I was a bit 'wobbly' after having 2 glasses of wine at lunch with an old friend. I didn't have to pick the kids up,

The point is I wasn't hammered and staggering, I don't normally drink very much and rarely in the daytime so I guess the wine had a more pronounced effect.

It would most likely have been more obvious if I had to go to the school as I would be worried about other parents and teachers thinking I was a lush and reporting me. I'm sure it will all be fine.

following · 30/01/2014 08:05

make sure you have your facts right first , there were 2 mums at my dc school that looked drunk and wobbly but they both had very serious illnesses , they were not like it everyday as symptoms changed day to day.

CaptainGrinch · 30/01/2014 08:14

Really? As long as she didn't turn up singing "Inky Pinky Parlez Vous" & try to snog the head before screeching off in a clatter of scattered dustbins I think you're overreacting slightly.

I'm pretty sure I picked my kids up from school after having had a lunchtime tipple or 2, didn't realise it was rare or a crime (what's the legal limit for parenting?).

OHforDUCKScake · 30/01/2014 08:14

I picked my son up from school after two glasses of bubbly on my 30th birthday. I wasnt pissed but I certainly felt the affects and I was so paranoid, it was a an unpleasant feeling thats for sure.

Its not normal to pick a child up drunk.

I know a mum who reeks of beer most days but she never seems drunk. what is there to report?

But if this mum looked pissed then the teacher really needs to say/do something.

Tryharder · 30/01/2014 08:19

Report to whom?

SS?

Do you think she's an alcoholic who's regularly drunk or someone who went out for a ONE OFF lunch and had a bit too much.

Until I knew which one, I would consider it none of my business.

JakeBullet · 30/01/2014 08:19

I have some experience of this situation.....years ago a mother took her child to the local walk in medical centre. The child had a high temp and the centre sent her to the GP.

They then phoned me (I was her HV at the time) and reported that she had smelled of alcohol. However, they watched her drive away Hmm to the GP.

This was not the first time someone had reported this mother smelling of alcohol to me and I arranged a visit to see her.

Thankfully I knew her pretty well by this time as her child was 3 and had attended clinic regularly. FWIW I had never smelt alcohol on her.

When I visited her we had a chat about various issues and then I simply asked her about alcohol. She blanched (poor woman Sad) went a bit quiet but then disclosed a severe alcohol problem that she really wanted help with. She was drinking daily and massive amounts of spirits.....

Last time I saw her she had been dry for three years Smile.

On at least one occasion she told me she was glad her alcohol use had been noticed as it spurred her in to get the help she needed.

Obviously that is a nice positive story....

A not so positive one is my cousins wife who has Huntingdons Disease and who has also been reported for alcohol issues.....she isn't drunk....she's ill.

JenBehavingBadly · 30/01/2014 08:21

If it's not a regular occurrence the reporting her is way OTT.

I'm go smacked that folk would think of reporting a one off. Is life really that dull?

LiberalLibertine · 30/01/2014 08:23

Yes, and can't diabetes smell like alcohol on the breath?

If it's a one off and she spoke to the teacher I'd mind my own business.

Shlurpbop · 30/01/2014 08:25

I would be having a quiet word with teacher and confirming that the mother does not have uncontrolled diabetes first.
There was a 'fallen over drunk' man in our local town once. Everyone ignored, looked disgusted etc.
Turned out he had diabetes and had gone hypo - think that's the correct term .
Anyway, it can make you look, sound and smell drunk.

Shlurpbop · 30/01/2014 08:26

Ooh, great minds liberal !

FederationPresidentBarryFife · 30/01/2014 08:26

smelling of beer (but not being rolling drunk) long term is far more cause for concern IMO than a one off staggering drunk. One indicates a long term issue the other is UNUSUAL - it must be or the OP wouldn't have noticed it. So I say - butt out.

LittleBearPad · 30/01/2014 08:31

If she was as wobbly as you say and was talking to the teacher they will have noticed. If it's a regular occurrence the school will have noticed.

So it really isn't any of your business is it. And Slurpbop why would a teacher disclose medical information about another parent. That would be incredibly unprofessional.

Joysmum · 30/01/2014 08:35

I'm another one who'd be keeping an eye out and reporting only if it wasn't a one off.

Thatisall · 30/01/2014 08:35

I was actually thinking about this the other day. I used to meet a friend every Thursday on my day off, for lunch. We'd have a glass of wine. Then if go and pick up dd. I don't drive so that wasn't an issue but I wonder if you could smell alchohol. And I tended to be in high spirits as it was my day off, I'd just been laughing with my friend and I'm a high spirited kind of person. I wonder of anyone ever thought I was a drinker??

That said if this lady was, as you say, wobbling around, that suggests she was very drunk. I would speak to the teacher and leave it at that. As others have said, perhaps something happened that day and she hasn't any support to collect her dc. It's still not good but the school are better equipped to make decisions.