I've pissed my friend off but didn't actually mean to...

[MeepMeepVrooooom]

Ok, I'm going to make this is a quick as possible.

Friend got married last year, no honeymoon as she was starting IVF the week after. They had been planning to book a honeymoon for after DC had come along.

So today she told me they are booking a honeymoon for when DC will be around 8 weeks (providing she is on time). I commented that I hoped they would be able to get DC a passport in that time and then she said they aren't taking DC. They are booking 2 weeks in Morocco. I was pretty shocked and kindly pointed out that they maybe shouldn't book until after DC is born because they will maybe regret it and end up losing the money. She asked why so I told her the following:-

1. She probably won't want to leave the baby when he/she is so little, and that it is a huge responsibility for the GPs.

1. That depending on the type of birth she has and how DC is she might physically not be able to go.

Apparently through that she assuming that I will think she is a bad Mum if they do book. It's none of my business but no I don't think they should actually go and I don't think it is responsible for both parents to leave such a young DC to go away, honeymoon or not. I haven't actually said that. I was actually just trying to be helpful and point out flaws in her plans but that backfired.

Does anyone else think this is a weird thing to want to do? Does anyone think I overstepped the mark by pointing out the obvious what could cause them to lose money?

she will find out in a few weeks/months then....
in the meantime leave her to her Kardashian fantasies

MY youngest is 8 years old and was away from me 11am Saturday until 3pm Sunday and I missed him. Sometimes he stays for 2 nights and it is too much, and believe me I am a pretty crap mother at times.

She is in for a big shock. Maybe.

You overstepped the mark, but it's sensible to point out the travel insurance angle. Although the insurers would probably find a way out of that, pre-existing condition or whatever.

I wouldn't leave an 8 week old baby, that's just madness, but that's for each mother to decide for herself.

I do wonder if her defensive reaction has been because I'm not the first person to say it or she is doubting the decision herself.

That's what I thought too.

Although bigboobiedbertha made a good point about the DH - he could be the one behind it.

I'm honestly not sure if one wants the holiday more than the other.

I still think it's insane but each to their own. I think I might just keep my well out and if the time comes and they lose the money then it was their choice.

YANBU, if only because if they are prepared to listen to sense and cancel, then the sooner the better.

I wonder whether the GPs have seriously committed to having the baby come what may? Will they be willing to do so if it's a non-sleeper, or colicky, or a projectile vomiter etc etc? I've known very fit and healthy parents be reduced to zombies by a constantly screaming colicky baby, so goodness knows how grandparents would cope.

I think you were right to tell her. Very few people would choose to leave an 8 week old baby for 2 weeks. Loads will not have left the baby for 2 hours by that stage.

Yep, agree just say no more and leave her to it.

I don't think you overstepped the mark. I'd be shocked if my friend told me that. Then she asked you why and you told her. Like others have said, she's probably already feeling sensitive/doubtful about it and you touched a nerve.

It's a mad idea imo, for all the reasons listed above. You did right to point that out to her.

As others have said. Even if she's happy to leave her baby at that age, she may not be physically fit to travel.

she's a bit daft to book. What if the baby is early or ends up in NICU? O she has a section and is too sore to travel?

She could lose the money.

But leaving a 8 week old for 2 weeks! I'd be hoisting judgey knickers too. 2 weeks

"by the time I had my third I would have happily left him with the milkman to get 5 minutes peace..." that's the voice of experience all right, jimjams

I don't think you overstepped the mark. Most new mums would struggle to leave a baby. Nothing can prepare you for the animal instinct which makes you want to be with your own baby.

just leave it, you wont be able to tell her anything

but FFS! leaving a newborn, I pity the grandparents.

Does she have an older sister called mozhe?

SPB go back to the missing lid thread and update it, please!

YABNU. The thought of leaving such a little baby for so long makes me feel sick.

I know very little knowledge of AND but I know people who have had PND because they have high expectations of themselves. From the outside they look totally in control but really they were struggling inside to live up to their own high standards.

They have to be back in shape the moment the baby is born, they will carry on their lives as normal, have a spotless house, cook gourmet meals, have a body like elastic that pings back into shape as the umbilical cord is cut and a baby that sleeps through the night, feeds to a routine and never cries for no reason. It would never occur to them that life wouldn't carry on as it was before. Their perfect baby will fit right into all their plans - going on holiday is no problem, they can leave the baby, the baby will be fine, they will have a fantastic holiday and it will be like it was before but they have a baby to coo over when they get home. Most of us who have been there know that isn't possible all the time and trying to achieve that actually makes you miserable, it doesn't give you the perfect life and the perfect family. I can see this woman being like that and struggling as a result. Hopefully she will have a reality check before then but will she listen?

It is weird to want to go away like this, and the friend is unreasonable to have a go at the OP for pointing it out but if they are real friends, the OP might need to be on hand to help pick up the pieces after the birth because losing the holiday money might be the least of the friend's worries. From the little we have been told I think the friend is in for a big fall at some point.