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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've pissed my friend off but didn't actually mean to...

168 replies

MeepMeepVrooooom · 26/01/2014 21:19

Ok, I'm going to make this is a quick as possible.

Friend got married last year, no honeymoon as she was starting IVF the week after. They had been planning to book a honeymoon for after DC had come along.

So today she told me they are booking a honeymoon for when DC will be around 8 weeks (providing she is on time). I commented that I hoped they would be able to get DC a passport in that time and then she said they aren't taking DC. They are booking 2 weeks in Morocco. I was pretty shocked and kindly pointed out that they maybe shouldn't book until after DC is born because they will maybe regret it and end up losing the money. She asked why so I told her the following:-

  1. She probably won't want to leave the baby when he/she is so little, and that it is a huge responsibility for the GPs.
  1. That depending on the type of birth she has and how DC is she might physically not be able to go.

Apparently through that she assuming that I will think she is a bad Mum if they do book. It's none of my business but no I don't think they should actually go and I don't think it is responsible for both parents to leave such a young DC to go away, honeymoon or not. I haven't actually said that. I was actually just trying to be helpful and point out flaws in her plans but that backfired.

Does anyone else think this is a weird thing to want to do? Does anyone think I overstepped the mark by pointing out the obvious what could cause them to lose money?

OP posts:
oranges · 26/01/2014 21:21

I think you overstepped the mark.

manicinsomniac · 26/01/2014 21:22

I would want very good travel insurance in case of your 2.

Other than that though, I think that, after 8 weeks of having a newborn, a holiday sounds ideal!

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooooom · 26/01/2014 21:22

As quick as* bloody phone

OP posts:
scarffiend · 26/01/2014 21:22

Yes. That is weird. Perhaps she underestimates the bond she'll have with her dc? Our DD is 15 months and we've left her once overnight - didn't pick her up until after 3 the following afternoon and it was hellish. But each to their own. Maybe she's feeling guilty about planning it herself?

oranges · 26/01/2014 21:23

If she has already asked grandparents they are the ones to have that conversation with her, not you.

Ulysses · 26/01/2014 21:23

I don't think you'll be the only one telling her this, if that makes you feel better!

JenBehavingBadly · 26/01/2014 21:23

I wouldn't have left mine at 8 weeks for a two week break, but wouldn't
Have known it before my first.

jollygoose · 26/01/2014 21:23

I think shes insane - it cant be right to leave a new baby for 2 weeks, totally mad

Twighlightsparkle · 26/01/2014 21:23

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable.

A good friend would do exactly what you have done.

I'm guessing you will have told her that you weren't questioning her parenting abilities just trying to help.

Sparrowlegs248 · 26/01/2014 21:23

Its a totally bizarre thing to do!! I wouldn't do that if i had a young puppy let alone a new baby!! (i say that as a childless woman....) what if shes overdue? Two friends were recently both two weeks over. One had emergency C section.

Are they mad??

IHadATinyTurtle · 26/01/2014 21:24

She will see your point most likely when the time comes. I don't think many of even the most relaxed mums could enjoy 2 weeks away that early!

Acinonyx · 26/01/2014 21:25

I don't think I would have been able to stop myself saying basically the same. If that means you fall out - well then perhaps you're not destined to be such good friends.

phoolani · 26/01/2014 21:25

I assume it's her first? I don't think it's overstepping anything to just comment that she might not want to leave lo so soon. I know I'd have contemplated it before having my first but after? No way in a million years would I actually have left her!

ukatlast · 26/01/2014 21:26

YANBU you would be a bad friend if you didn't point out the obvious downsides. It beggars belief that she would want a baby enough to go for IVF but then think she will be emotionally happy to leave it with strangers for two weeks at 8 weeks old.

rubyslippers · 26/01/2014 21:26

I was barely out of PJs 8 weeks after birth

Only just stopped bleeding, had massive (leaky boobs) and was carrying most of the pregnancy weight

And I couldn't have been parted for 2 weeks

I would not give the responsibility to anyone at that stage

All those night feeds for one

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooooom · 26/01/2014 21:27

I really didn't mean it in a nasty way just when I said they should maybe wait till after dc is born to book she asked why so as per usual I inserted my foot right into my mouth.

I haven't told her that I specifically don't think it's right. Not going to lie on MN, I don't think it's right but it is there decision but I would hate for her to lose money because of either of the reasons and be thinking I should have said what I thought.

Maybe I need to keep my mouth shut in future Grin

OP posts:
NonnoMum · 26/01/2014 21:27

I don't get this whole 'honeymoon' thing after having children anyway. It's not a 'honeymoon', it's a child-free holiday for a couple.

I'm glad her IVF went well.

heatseeker · 26/01/2014 21:28

Your friend may take it the wrong way but you did the right thing. She doesn't know how she will feel about leaving her baby at such a young age and 2 weeks is a long time. Why not leave it until DC is older, why the rush?

Smartiepants79 · 26/01/2014 21:30

Well you were correct in what you said. I think she has completely underestimated the change in her life tha this baby will bring!
However I think you may have hit a nerve and might have to do a bit of backtracking/grovelling.
I would stick to your guns with regards to the practicalities - passport, birth complications etc. these things are true regardless of how good a parent you are! Most first time parents struggle to get organised enough to register the birth let alone get passports!

Wifeorfriend · 26/01/2014 21:30

I think you were coming from a good place but she just didn't see it that way. Why don't you try to explain how much you changed when you became a mum. Everyone is different of course and she may not change at all.

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooooom · 26/01/2014 21:30

I'm guessing you will have told her that you weren't questioning her parenting abilities just trying to help.

Yeah pretty much.

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 26/01/2014 21:30

Yanbu people are so unrealistic sometimes- my friend was going to take her young baby to Glastonbury - changed her mind once he was born!

sillyoldfool · 26/01/2014 21:33

if they wanted a honeymoon they should've gone when she was in the second trimester really, no?!
really odd to not go when pg, then leave an 8 week old baby imo.

DownstairsMixUp · 26/01/2014 21:33

She asked you why you thought she'd regret it then got the hump when you said? I don't think you were being nasty, you were just giving your opinion, like she asked. At 8 weeks post baby I was still carrying baby weight, leaking boobs, bleeding had ONLY just stopped so I would no way have been ready.

Original poster
MeepMeepVrooooom · 26/01/2014 21:33

Wifeorfriend

I'm not sure I now want to get into that with her because I think however I say it will come across as being really judgmental especially if they do decide to book.

I left my DD for the first time overnight at 4 months and was knocking at my parents door by 10am the following morning Blush

Prior to having DD I would have thought after 4 months I would relish a long lie but I missed her too much.

OP posts: