I've pissed my friend off but didn't actually mean to...

[MeepMeepVrooooom]

Ok, I'm going to make this is a quick as possible.

Friend got married last year, no honeymoon as she was starting IVF the week after. They had been planning to book a honeymoon for after DC had come along.

So today she told me they are booking a honeymoon for when DC will be around 8 weeks (providing she is on time). I commented that I hoped they would be able to get DC a passport in that time and then she said they aren't taking DC. They are booking 2 weeks in Morocco. I was pretty shocked and kindly pointed out that they maybe shouldn't book until after DC is born because they will maybe regret it and end up losing the money. She asked why so I told her the following:-

1. She probably won't want to leave the baby when he/she is so little, and that it is a huge responsibility for the GPs.

1. That depending on the type of birth she has and how DC is she might physically not be able to go.

Apparently through that she assuming that I will think she is a bad Mum if they do book. It's none of my business but no I don't think they should actually go and I don't think it is responsible for both parents to leave such a young DC to go away, honeymoon or not. I haven't actually said that. I was actually just trying to be helpful and point out flaws in her plans but that backfired.

Does anyone else think this is a weird thing to want to do? Does anyone think I overstepped the mark by pointing out the obvious what could cause them to lose money?

Yes it's weird.

I say that as someone who DID leave my DS when he was around 8 weeks -- I went away for a weekend to, basically, sleep and try to recover a bit more from my EMCS. I don't think I even left the hotel, I just slept and ate (was in pretty bad shape).

But it was only 3 days, and I left DS with my husband and his mum. Even I can't imagine 2 full weeks with both of us gone, not at that age. I'd be surprised if the grandparents actually agree to it.

BigBoobed I completely agree with you. OP I bet there is more to this.

I'm sure an airline would however I'm not actually sure about insurance or the safety with a newborn with the need for vaccinations etc.

I haven't looked into it but I am pretty sure you need at the very least Hep A and Typhoid vacs. Would you be able to make sure your baby get's the suitable dosage before going? There would be alot for them to look into I think.

I'm not going to lie the entire thing seems mental to me, however it's not my business so I think I'd do good to keep my mouth shut in future.

I think YANBU to point out to her that this might be a mistake, but I think YWBU in the way you did it.

Perhaps saying that you were worried that she might not be physically recovered enough to enjoy herself ("You should have seen me at 8 weeks, I was a wreck!") and that it might be better to wait until the baby is a bit older would have been more sensitive.

This is her first, she doesnt know how she will feel. And the grandparents are probably relishing having a newborn to themselves for 2 weeks, whilst forgetting the sleepless nights etc.

I would be inclined to email her saying you are sorry but that you are just worried she wont have as good a time if she is so early postpartum, and that perhaps they could wait until the baby comes and then book a late deal depending on how they feel.

As a GP, I first started having dgs for the occasional overnight when he was about 11 months old. I slept with the baby monitor by my ear, if there was no sound, I went in to check on him ( several times a night) I was really, really overwhelmed with the responsibility - and I was a very confident mother. Being responsible for a gdc is a million times more scarey than looking after your own. I can't get my head round gps who could offer two weeks for an 8 week old baby- I would be dead from exhaustion after a week. And no YANBU but a good friend and btw, she'll never get insurance to cover cancellation due to any problems following the birth

^This. I wouldn't do it in a million years, and I see a lot^ of my DGC.

Do you think it's pressure from her DH? Who is likely to be even more unrealistic than her?

And to be fair, I'd be considerably blunter than you to her!

You were right in what you said - ie issues concerned, but I'm guessing you weren't close enough a friend to say t. You'll know your place from now on!

Talking off vaccinations, the babys first jabs would be due while they are away. Not a thing I would ask the GPs to deal with, especially after DD1 was seriously ill after her first jab and has never had another since.

Actually, maybe back out. Ask her what her MW/HV thinks about this idea.

Are there some jabs due at this age? And I don't think they will administer to a baby unless parental consent is given?

Might look a bit odd if Grandma/Nanny comes to the Drs surgery with a 6 or 8 week old whilst mum is sipping cocktails in Acapulco?

Nonno makes a good point. If you do contact her suggest that she asks her MW about it. If you term it as being about her being able to get insurance for the trip then she might do it.

They won't administer the jabs without a parent present.

Another reason is what if baby has any medical issues.

After a normal pregnancy and no problems detected on scans I was unexpectedly dealing with multiple hospital appointments for DD. A parent needed to attend.

Which adds another issue, as they will be 2 weeks late for the jabs.

But we know this as we are already parents.

OP, you MUST update what happens about this honeymoon!

The more I think about it, the more I think that insurance will be the main issue that will get them to think again.

They wont get insurance for if she gets ill after the birth, and insurance companies will pin anything they can onto the birth. Broken leg? You were still wobbly from blood loss after the birth, we are not paying out...

Actually, thinking a bit more about it, I just think 'Bless". This is a first time mother who has had that conversation about 'a baby won't change us'...

Sweet.

MIL & FIL left their PFB at 4 months to go on holiday. Not for honeymoon or anything, just a break with friends. Apparently that was very normal among their peers.

I didn't say anything - but the look on my face did as she said "perhaps I'm not very maternal..."!

I think you did the right thing OP. YANBU. No-one has had DS overnight yet except me and/or DH and he's 1. I don't think I'd leave him for another year or two.

This coldness makes me shudder tbh. I hear of it a lot. It's like a baby's a commodity. It's not so bad a night or two away in the UK, being able to get back to your newborn but they sound are very self absorbed.

YADNBU but I wouldn't text her and apologise for being right. Up to you though.

As NannyOgg said, I wonder if she's reacting badly because she's not happy about going, but under pressure from her OH.

Do they both realise that she may well not be feeling up to sex so soon after the birth?

To be fair freakin they dont get it because this is their first. I didnt get it either. We all think that we will sail through parenthood without making the "mistakes" other people make. And then we have a child and reality hits.

However, if they have the baby and then stroll off on this holiday without a care or a backward glance, then I would agree with you.

I wasn't of that ilk. DS1 wasn't an easy baby at all but I couldn't have even imagined going abroad without him. I did leave him at 3 weeks to go clubbing for my friend's 30th, no booze though. I did express before the proper time period. I had to come home early anyway as the loud noises made my boobs squirt

Oh and I mean even before he was born, same with ds2.

Hmm. Eight weeks after DD1's birth I had mastitis, cracked and bleeding nipples, a vaginal infection and a raging temperature. I spent most of the day in pyjamas, looking after a baby that wouldn't sleep. I'd also torn during the birth, and if anyone had suggested two weeks of sea, sex and sun, I'd have told them where to shove it.

I did leave her for a three day business trip when she was 16 weeks. I think she coped with it a lot better than I did.

not sure if i would go through IVF and then leave the baby behind but thinking back to my first pregnancy i had no idea how possessive i would feel about her and how much i never wanted to let her go for an afternoon i could never envision 2 weeks! (even now and she is 13)

Omfg.

You were def too kind OP. YANBU.

Any chances of AND? As this is not normal. Not at all.

No way in hell I'd leave my 2yo for two weeks with someone else so I could "go on holiday." No way the GPsshould be agreeing to this [though maybe they have just to get the baby away from these toxic "parents"]

A honeymoon isn't a special holiday, it's a holiday. You're married, honeymoon or no honeymoon. If you choose to have kids then you have to accept that flitting about the world without them is a no. She needs to grow the f**k up and look after her own damn child.

I wouldn't worry about it, or mention it again, look at it this way either:

A. She won't go and will realise you were right all along

B. She will go and you should write her off as a friend anyway as IMHO that is cold and selfish behaviour and she would inevitably cause you self strangulation with your judgy pants before the year was out.

Win win

If she still has lochia she can't get in the pool (no tampax)
She'll need vaccinations for the trip which she can't have now while pregnant
She may have healing stitches/need medical treatment.
Two words. Moroccan hospitals....

I think if she is a good friend then apologise for upsetting her but that you thought 12-16 weeks was probably the earliest she should risk her cash on and let it lie.