To be quite angry with my friend?

[Imogencodpiece]

I feel that I might be being unreasonable but I just seem to be getting angrier the more I think about it.

I shall point out now said friend is 19 and recently single. We are all 27-30 sort of age range. I know said friend through a youth organisation of which I am the leader and she is a helper.

Usually said friend is more mature than most 19 year olds, didn't really drink and spent most of her time working, saving to travel to different places and studying for her university course. This is why I feel that we get on so well.
However since she has been single she has started to drink a lot and sleep around - basically a complete change in her personality.

A couple of weeks ago me, my friend and my DP all went out for a mutual friends birthday. Said friend is not usually out with us (as previously usually had plans with exbf) but was invited this time.
As usual the evening was full of silly jokes and making innuendos out of non-sexual things people said. All very normal for us :) so far so good.

Anyway, my DP is a lover of real ales and has been trying to find one I also like since we got together, so we are all round this table and friend asks if she could also try the beer as she has never tried ale.
DP says go ahead. Friend then (completely not realizing what she was doing I think) proceeded to hold her hair out of the way and drink from the glass still on the table.
I laughed and said, 'errr pick the glass up nutter' just making light of the silly way she chose to drink ( she was pretty drunk at the time). DP then said 'yeah pick the glass up, iv never seen anyone drink that way, iv seen people give ORAL SEX that way but not drink beer' Q good natured laughing from everyone within earshot, including me.

Then, this is what I am angry about, she immediately did exactly the same thing again. This time pointedly looking my DP in the eyes as she did it. DP tried to laugh it off but when we were on our own he asked me if I had noticed and said it made him feel uncomfortable.

The more I think about it the more pissed off I am.

Do you think I should say something? AIBU to be pissed at her?

I want to just leave it and put it down to her being young, naive and drunk and if it happens again, then have a word and tell her she is making a fool out of herself. WWYD?

I think you should forget it, you'd all had a drink.

I think your DP was the inappropriate one, tbh.

not really Janine, as a group of friends we all joke like that, all the time. however said friend is not usually there.

Eh? What on earth are you concerned about? There was a bit of jokiness and innuendo going on, which was fine with you when it was directed at her. But not so fine when she responded in kind to your partner.

It's all a bit of drunken silliness. Forget about it. It's not really a problem IMO.

Drinking out of glass in strange way = eccentric but surely not big deal

DH's oral sex comment - would have horrified me tbh, but I am guessing from your post that is "normal" among this group of friends.

Her continuing to drink from glass -would have been absolutely fine had it not been for DH's previous comment. And can't see how this is any worse than other behaviour displayed by others at the evening. Perhaps if she doesn't quite fit into the group, she's not quite sure where the line of "acceptable" is.

I think your DH started it! She's 19 and was drunk I would leave it TBH nothing really happened did it?

Er, from what you say, your DP was flirting with her! Why on earth aren't you angry with him? It's not her fault he made that comment. She probably thought he was a creepy old man!

Well, if pointed sexual innuendo is the norm in your friendship group, OP, why are you pissed off if your friend participates?

I think you need to give the girl a break to be honest.

As above - bit of a joke.

She's 19 OP. Everyone does daft things when they're young. Your DH was the one who brought up oral sex FFS not her.

Your DH set the standard, she just followed. Blame him not her if anyone is feeling upset. But I would forget it and move on, drunk night, so what.

It is your husband's comment that started the innuendo, she just carried on in which she presumed, given you were all at it, was fine in this friendship group.

I don't think she has done anything inappropriate given the atmosphere and his comment.

If she's too young for your group, don't encourage her to come out with you again, I feel sorry for her- she thought this was ok.

Agree your DH was the unreasonable one- I would be annoyed if my DH said that to a friend. Maybe he felt uncomfortable as he had a boner?

From what you've said it sounds like you are over reacting a bit, however I'd have to admit that I would oprobably be more aware of what she was saying in future.

Ahh, just read. So you all make those jokes, but now she's single you have a problem with it.

Yes you're being unreasonable, sorry.

Because miming oral sex pointedly at another persons partner is not innuendo, surely?
DP's comment was not said in a flirty way. It was said in more of a you look stupid sort of a way. I am not unhappy with his comment, its her ( i feel) inappropriate reaction to it i am angry about. surely a more appropriate response would have been something like 'oral sex? I have no idea what your on about lol' not a blatant come on.

It's your husband I would have been aghast at. It seems a remarkably sleazy comment to make to a teenager. You suggest this is normal for your social group, and 'elicited good natured laughter', so I'm not sure why you thought her continuing with the 'beer drinking as oral sex' joke disturbs you so much. He started it, so why did it make him uncomfortable?

She may generally be a mature 19 year old, but your older group sound remarkably juvenile to me. Plus, if she's drinking a lot and being promiscuous in the wake of a relationship ending, she sounds rather vulnerable.

She actually could have been being funny.

You've interpreted it as her coming on to him though. That's the key.

as a group of friends we all joke like that, all the time. however said friend is not usually there.

So its only ok to joke like that to a certain group, but she was invited and she shouldn't have joined in.

It was a joke. You were all drunk. She didn't instigate any talk of oral sex.

I think you need to wise up.

And actually, her age is absolutely irrelevant to this.

How could your husband's comments not have been interpreted in a flirty way? Unless of course he was being mean and laughing at her with all his friends and you together which she misunderstood.

Let it go- and just don't invite her out, she's out of her depth and you all sound awful.

well, you see Jen, she would have not have done this when she was not single and would not have liked me doing it to her ex, so why is it ok to do it to me and mine?

Maybe I just thought she would know better, but I suppose she is acting now like a stupid 19 year old,not the mature 19 year old I got to know.

Well, everyone else feels differently imogen so I fear YABU. You aren't unhappy with your DP because you'd rather blame it all on this young girl. But your DP was being inappropriate bringing oral sex into the equation, and if the joke was that she would be rubbish doing oral sex that way, then the joke was meant to embarrass her, so it's fair enough if she then made him feel uncomfortable. Stop working yourself up about.