To think that two 18 yr olds can walk for 5 minutes

[YeahRightWhatever]

DS has a new g/f who lives about 5 minutes walk away, on busy-ish roads, well-lit etc. Her parents are really over-protective IMO, she is driven everywhere and has never been on a bus or a train on her own or even with friends. Anyway,they are not happy with her walking home from here even if DS goes with her - especially in the dark but transpires they are not even happy with her walking in broad daylight. We live in a very average town in the shires with no particular crime issues. My DDs (now in 20s) were allowed much more freedom at the same age. So whenever she is here either we have to drive her home, which means we can never have a glass of wine, and frankly I resent starting the car for such a short trip or she has to get one of her parents to collect her, and depending on what they're doing there can be quite a delay, and a few times now this has impinged on our own arrangements. Overall this is starting to really annoy me - they are 18 FGS. Am reluctant to rock the boat as gf is lovely. AIBU to think they are being ridiculous? But even if IANBU I don't know what to do.

It may not be your job to tell THEM they are doing her no favours but it could be an ideavfor you to challenge her about why she is so accepting of it.

And yes, just leave her on the doorstep. That way when her patents arrive aftrrvshe's been outside for MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES they'll realise how ridiculous they are being.

Don't offer to walk. Don't offer anything. Just say you aren't taking her and leave her on the doorstep if you are going out. Honestly, this is utter madness. My mind is boggling.

How does the g/f get to school or college? Do they drive her? Doesn't everyone laugh at her?

You do need to toughen up, say sorry but if they can't be here by x time, you need to take a cab.

My DD will have to get a train and walk to senior school when she is 11. I think this poor girl is being done an injustice by her well meaning parents. TBH even when your DS has passed his test I think the idea of my DD in a car with a newly qualified driver would terrify me way more than her walking round the corner with him.

Op, why doesn't your son just walk her home. It's the ideal solution

AF - Because they aren't happy with that either apparently. Anyway,they are not happy with her walking home from here even if DS goes with her - especially in the dark but transpires they are not even happy with her walking in broad daylight.

Why does she have to leave the house if you go out? Surely your son is allowed to be in the house when you aren't there?
I think you need to go and see the parents and discuss this. Don't regularly drop her, they can do it! Or she can walk, up to them.

I have mentioned walking with them as that way I could still drink. DS looked a bit horrified

But you must insist!!!

To be fair, if you have 3 children, she is unlikely to be the last rather strange gf/bf, and probably in years to come you will look back on her fondly as the girl who just made you a bit late sometimes.

Why don't they spend more time at her house than yours ? Or if they not like her having bf over?

Is it mean of me that in these circumstances I'd happily turf her out? Not your problem that the parents don't want her walking but won't generally pick her up immediately.

Why does she have to leave the house if you go out? Surely your son is allowed to be in the house when you aren't there?

I presume this is when they are all going out - including the DS.

Is it definite that she's not taking the piss?

I mean if your son walks her home-what will they do?

They obviously aren't waiting in on tenterhooks for her call!

But not drinking so that you can drive her home or waiting until her parents collect her(???) so that you are late going somewhere is just ridiculous imo.

You need to stop being involved in this insanity at all at 18!

If there is a rare occasion that you need to all go out and she's still there then it's your sons problem. Just go, he has to stay with her.

Then when her parents get there and she is alone in the house with your son perhaps that will make them buck their ideas up. Either way NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

Why are people calling the girlfriend an 'entitled princess' ? Poor girl.

I would not be blaming this girl for her parents attitude, based on her not going around openly criticising her own parents to her boy friends parents - why should she have to show everyone what she privately feels about her close family?

Maybe she is completely used to it and doesn't want to upset them/ rock the boat/ start an argument she can't win. Or maybe she doesn't even realise how odd it is... But why the vitriol? Poor girl.

This is blowing my mind. From aged 9 I walked for half an hour in the dark to and from school, got a train all the way through secondary, allowed to go to the shops by myself from aged 10, the corner shop from 7... wow. I agree quietly explain to your son you won't be involved in her getting home unless there's a good reason, and that it's up to her to sort out. Also, I think, mention to her that while you know she doesn't ask for a lift, that her parents must be on time if that's how it goes.

"know what you mean.
This made me think of James Bulger's parents earlier."

ZSA You are seriously comparing what happened to a 2 year old to what an adult's parents want her to do?

toffee

JB's parents wouldn't let the younger sibling travel on his own even beyond the age of 18, strict curfews, picking up. etc.

which is extreme, but in their case understandable and who can blame them?

but unless this girl's parents suffered such or similar trauma I don't get what makes them be so overprotective.
it is not normal behaviour.

that's all I meant.

I was unaware of that, ZSA, so I apologise for my post.

why do these parents think their dd will be safer because this son's mum walks with them (if they are very safety conscious) ?

I think this is about sex and them wanting your dd and son to be chaperoned at all times. Do they both go into his room with the door closed when she visits. I would drop that into these brief doorstep conversations with the other parents and watch their reaction

toffee

no worries. maybe I shouldn't have brought it up.

AF - i don't think they want the OP to walk her home either. I think they just want the OP to drive her home. Is that the case OP? If not, as i said earlier, i don't see how OP would be more protection than an 18yo man.

AF

I think you might be right about the unchaperoned aspect, in which case it's even more complicated and and worrying - trust issues, not seeing their dauhter as an adult and so on.

weird weird weird.

(hey MrsK! )

AF

like the mentioning of closed doors.

could say "are they so loud in your house too?"

(sorry OP)

Hey Zing! yes at saying something like 'the living room chandelier fell down they were thudding so much upstairs! Still at least i know the super kingsize bed is being used...they seem to really love jumping on it' (obviously not really)