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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that two 18 yr olds can walk for 5 minutes

218 replies

YeahRightWhatever · 22/01/2014 19:20

DS has a new g/f who lives about 5 minutes walk away, on busy-ish roads, well-lit etc. Her parents are really over-protective IMO, she is driven everywhere and has never been on a bus or a train on her own or even with friends. Anyway,they are not happy with her walking home from here even if DS goes with her - especially in the dark but transpires they are not even happy with her walking in broad daylight. We live in a very average town in the shires with no particular crime issues. My DDs (now in 20s) were allowed much more freedom at the same age. So whenever she is here either we have to drive her home, which means we can never have a glass of wine, and frankly I resent starting the car for such a short trip or she has to get one of her parents to collect her, and depending on what they're doing there can be quite a delay, and a few times now this has impinged on our own arrangements. Overall this is starting to really annoy me - they are 18 FGS. Am reluctant to rock the boat as gf is lovely. AIBU to think they are being ridiculous? But even if IANBU I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
FattyNewYear · 22/01/2014 19:53

Are you sure this isnt actually about the walking but that they may terrified their daughter and your son may stop off on the way home for a quick shag??

NatashaBee · 22/01/2014 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpottyDottie · 22/01/2014 19:56

If her parents prefer it, they can come and get her! You need to speak with them and say that although you, ahem, respect their rule. It isn't something you feel you can continue. She is essentially an adult.

Original poster
YeahRightWhatever · 22/01/2014 19:59

I don't know why they are like it. I haven't talked to them. He's only been seeing her a few weeks. She says 'oh they just worry about me' and seems completely accepting of what they're like and doesn't appear to resent any of it. She is not planning to go to Univ next year - she wants to have a 'year off to decide what to do'. Not overweight - she looks like a supermodel Envy

I'm close to my ds and he says they are not having sex or even considering it, I do believe him...(I think).

Trouble is we have taken her home a few times now, it will seem odd if I stop now.

This is all very reassuring and therapeutic though thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
YeahRightWhatever · 22/01/2014 20:07

Out of interest, what would you views be if they were 14 - just curious - she has a sister that age. My views would be exactly the same.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 22/01/2014 20:18

No way I'd be getting the car out to take her.
How cn they have a snog if either you are taking her or they are fetching her ? Confused

Yes, my 15 yr old can walk home with another person after dark

Ladyfarquhar · 22/01/2014 20:18

Good gracious. I was working abroad for 6 months at that age and my 15 year old regularly walks / buses / runs places alone as do all her friends. I'm quite honestly gobsmacked she accepts this as normal. Please don't allow your plans to be changed around this. It's her parents issue not yours.

merrymouse · 22/01/2014 20:20

I think 14 is more borderline - it's still an age when you would be enforcing bedtimes on a school night, keeping a very close eye on school work and being concerned about the relationship becoming too serious too quickly.

At 18, as others have said she is legally an adult.

Incidentally, have you met the parents? Could there be a chance that they/she is taking advantage a bit. If they are so concerned about her not travelling alone, isn't it their responsibility to pick her up?

SantanaLopez · 22/01/2014 20:22

14 is different, but 18?! That's madness. I'd just tell them to walk.

One of my neighbours is insanely protective of his daughter. She's 21 (I know this because they had banners up on her birthday) and he still walks her to the bus stop every day. I feel terribly sorry for her.

Maryz · 22/01/2014 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

merrymouse · 22/01/2014 20:30

Oh, I see, you're taking her home get's her out of the house…

So it's January now. I am assuming your son has exams this summer? I think you can start making noises about him getting his head down and having to revise in about March. Would he perhaps like to go travelling in June? I think you have 8-12 more weeks of this.

Graceparkhill · 22/01/2014 20:33

It does sound OTT but I wonder if there is some explanation? Perhaps something has happened to her mum or sister to make them over protective?

BABaracus · 22/01/2014 20:36

The parents are utterly bonkers! I used to walk alone for five minutes at the age of 8, never mind 18.

zoobaby · 22/01/2014 21:08

Just have your wine as usual then explain you're unable to drive. Or maybe offer to let her stay over? See hhow quickly the parents manage to collect her then.

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 22/01/2014 21:18

Why are you arranging lifts.
She can do it herself fgs.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 22/01/2014 21:21

that's ridiculous, they're the sort of arrangements you'd make for a couple of schoolkids. are her parents aware that she's legally an adult and could go anywhere in the world without their permission?! maybe you should have a word with your ds.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 22/01/2014 21:22
eurochick · 22/01/2014 21:23

Bonkers. At 18 I was at university and living 150 miles away from my parents. And long before that I was taking myself 30 mins on the train to go shopping in London.

Stop driving her. Use having a drink as an excuse if you need to. Let her parents bear all the burden of their overprotectiveness. Is she learning to drive herself? Could that be encouraged?

PortofinoRevisited · 22/01/2014 21:24

I wouldn't be driving her home - that much is for sure. Your ds can take her, If she melts in moonlight she can pay for a taxi.

PortofinoRevisited · 22/01/2014 21:25

Or her parents can collect her.

mythbustinggov · 22/01/2014 21:28

Tell them that you are not driving her and she can sleep over when necessary.... that should have the desired effect Grin

LondonBus · 22/01/2014 21:32

There must be some underlying reason....this is just so odd.

Why won't they even agree to your DS walking her home?

I think she and your DS should just do it, and show them all is well!

I would have no problem with my 14yo walking 5 mins with a friend.

ivykaty44 · 22/01/2014 21:44

If you are drinking of an evening then make sure if girlfriend comes round you tell her you are drinking and she will need to let her parents know so they can drive to fetch her.

Then there is no problem the dgf will get fetched whilst you and your do can drink all evening

It is not your responsibility to sort out another adults transport home, she can walk, walk with your D's, get a taxi, her parents can fetch her

Lots of options that don't involve you

merrymouse · 22/01/2014 21:50

I think the problem is that one of the options is that they are stuck with the girlfriend until she is picked up.

TamerB · 22/01/2014 21:59

I don't think it is your problem, just announce that she needs to walk, get a taxi or get her parents to collect. I can't see why she can't just walk and tell them that that is what she will do from now on, as an adult she can make her own decisions!