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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that two 18 yr olds can walk for 5 minutes

218 replies

YeahRightWhatever · 22/01/2014 19:20

DS has a new g/f who lives about 5 minutes walk away, on busy-ish roads, well-lit etc. Her parents are really over-protective IMO, she is driven everywhere and has never been on a bus or a train on her own or even with friends. Anyway,they are not happy with her walking home from here even if DS goes with her - especially in the dark but transpires they are not even happy with her walking in broad daylight. We live in a very average town in the shires with no particular crime issues. My DDs (now in 20s) were allowed much more freedom at the same age. So whenever she is here either we have to drive her home, which means we can never have a glass of wine, and frankly I resent starting the car for such a short trip or she has to get one of her parents to collect her, and depending on what they're doing there can be quite a delay, and a few times now this has impinged on our own arrangements. Overall this is starting to really annoy me - they are 18 FGS. Am reluctant to rock the boat as gf is lovely. AIBU to think they are being ridiculous? But even if IANBU I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Scarletohello · 22/01/2014 22:10

Bloody hell I was going to nightclubs when I was 15! Can't believe how much kids are Molly coddled these days. It's not good for her either. She's an adult. Agree with previous posters about what to do but just a bit gobsmacked !

TheCrackFox · 22/01/2014 22:19

Tell her to pay for a bloody taxi.

Are you sure she isn't just phenomenally lazy?

PortofinoRevisited · 22/01/2014 22:28

I had a PT job an my own car aged 18. Which I paid for with my own money.

Pipbin · 22/01/2014 22:34

The pair of them are adults. What they both do is up to them. It's not up to you to ferry her about.

When I was 18 I had moved to Manchester and was going home from work on my own at 11pm.

littleblackno · 22/01/2014 22:38

I initially read the title as an 18mo walk 5 mins and thought you were going to talk about abandoning a buggy to drag a reluctant pfb to the shop, like I used to!
Maddness that an 18 year old can't go out alone or even be walked home by your ds.

AnyFucker · 22/01/2014 22:40

crack open the Wine for god's sake and stop being a mug

to be fair, something may have happened in this young girl's past, but this is not your problem

the most I would do is ring her a taxi

BabyDubsEverywhere · 22/01/2014 22:47

Jesus I was hoping mine will be moving out at 18! I had a mortgage then ffs! I would make sure I had a very large glass of wine to hand at all times so I couldn't be involved in the lift situ tbh.

PandaG · 22/01/2014 22:48

blimey. My 11 and 14 yo walk home together (5 mins) from scouts in the dark at 9 pm. Both walk for significantly longer on their own during the day, and we live in a large city. DS (14) travels on the bus and tram with his mates during the day, and we are about to practice going to the shopping centre and into the city centre with her friends with the nearly 12 yo. At 18 I would expect them to be travelling the country on their own by public transport, if not abroad.

EugenesAxe · 22/01/2014 23:08

No they are mental. At age 16/17... let's see now; I took the train from Bavaria to Verona to meet up with my best mate and her family for a holiday, after doing my DofE expedition. I regularly got the bus from TW to Maidstone to see my BF; this involved a 15 min walk at the other end.

Live your life as you will - they should be fitting round it, not vice versa.

Nousernameforme · 22/01/2014 23:15

Why is it affecting you if her parents are late picking her up. If you need to get to bed just go to bed let your ds lock up. Or if you really can't face doing that Hmm then just boot the pair of them out to walk her home when it is acceptable for you.
Tell the gf that she is a grown woman and it is up to her to get herself home

joanofarchitrave · 22/01/2014 23:21

TBH the problem is not theirs but hers now. I'm sure my mum was not 'happy' with some of the stuff I did at 18 but wisely kept her mouth shut as I was an adult. Put the problem in her lap. Tell her she has to leave now as it is time, it is up to her how she gets home. Don't deal with it for her, or you're colluding in their absolutely ludicrous views.

AngelaDaviesHair · 22/01/2014 23:31

Her parents' rules, they have to make them work. Like getting her a car or some driving lessons.

KnappShappeyShipwright · 23/01/2014 00:23

Can't you deliberately go out for the evening when she comes over? That way she can't expect you to give her a lift because you're not there so the precedent is broken. At 18 you'd expect her to be responsible for arranging her own transport (be it on foot, taxi, bus, lift).

At 18, I was at University. By 16 I was getting public transport to cities and making my own entertainment. Similarly, by the time I was 16 my parents didn't have to be answerable to me - if they wanted to go out, they would go. If they weren't in when I wanted a lift, I'd walk. If they were out a dinner time, I'd cook myself something.

joanofarchitrave · 23/01/2014 01:02

You can't change the parents' minds. You don't have to. It is not your business. Leave it to the girlfriend. If she says 'but my parents will be so worried if I…' say 'oh. how are you going to get home then?' but in a spirit of neutral enquiry/polite interest, not as if you are involved. Good excuse to have a drink every night for a while so you can't help tbh...

sykadelic15 · 23/01/2014 01:32

You said you've never spoken to them... so how do you know this is what THEY want and she just isn't being lazy/manipulative in getting you to drive her?

JessieMcJessie · 23/01/2014 01:47

Frankly if she's there for tea or something I'd be telling her as tactfully as possible that her parents' concerns are not normal and she needs to assert herself.

At 18 she's had a whole year to learn to drive. As has your son. If finances permit, get him some lessons, insure him on your car and leave them to it.

JessieMcJessie · 23/01/2014 01:49

PS she "looks like a supermodel" but they are not having sex? At 18? A likely story!

EBearhug · 23/01/2014 01:53

If your house is like where I grew up, then it's not safe to walk - country road, no streetlights, no pavement, no verge, just high banks. It would be stupidly dangerous. But if you've got pavements and streetlights and it's only 5 minutes, then yes, I would expect them to walk.

BohemianGirl · 23/01/2014 04:36

I don't see anything wrong with it.

My father ferried me - at my request - everywhere. I tend to do the same for my children if asked. However I was capable of getting a job and living half way round the world at 17. I fail to see what the difference is between a parent driving and a cab, apart from a cab charges extortionate rates. Not everyone wants to mix with joe-public on transport.

The Endless MN Money Tree rears its head again. Driving lessons start at £15ph round these parts. Two lessons a week, 20 lessons to pass. And who is buying the car and paying for the insurance, which is thousands for an 18yo boy.

JessieMcJessie · 23/01/2014 04:46

Bohemiangirl what part of "If finances permit* did you not understand?

BohemianGirl · 23/01/2014 04:55

There is a wild assumption on these boards that money is endless. Every thread there is a get a maid/cleaner/doula/au pair/nanny - I've come to the conclusion that it can only be a tongue in cheek joke. The almond milk is making me go Hmm (different thread entirely)

SanityClause · 23/01/2014 06:09

Did your father ferrying you around cost nothing, then Bohemian? Or just cost nothing to you.

FWIW, I would let my 9 yo do this, if it was light.

BohemianGirl · 23/01/2014 06:15

My father loved me sanity and preferred to see me safe.

Knowing I get 268 miles out of £40 of petrol and it costs DS1 GF £10 to be taxied 4 miles home every evening, I deduce her mother has more money than sense - if she used her own car she could get 67 4 mile trips (or 33.5 round trips) for £40, rather than the £670 she is indeed paying in equivalent money.

ZingSweetApple · 23/01/2014 06:32

and I thought I was big on health and safety with my kidsShock

utterly ridiculous.
when I was 14 I took 3 different buses to get across town to go to secondary school, on my own (in Budapest and I'm 39).

when I was 15 I did rock climbing and potholing and parachute jumping and would dissappear for entire weekends - yes, my parents knew where I went and there was adult (teacher) supervision but no mobiles!

And so on.

sorry, but it's pathetic.

SanityClause · 23/01/2014 06:42

So, Bohemian, whatever it cost your parents was not too much, but other people's solutions are too expensive?

Walking for 5 mins on well lit streets costs nothing.