To think that two 18 yr olds can walk for 5 minutes

[YeahRightWhatever]

DS has a new g/f who lives about 5 minutes walk away, on busy-ish roads, well-lit etc. Her parents are really over-protective IMO, she is driven everywhere and has never been on a bus or a train on her own or even with friends. Anyway,they are not happy with her walking home from here even if DS goes with her - especially in the dark but transpires they are not even happy with her walking in broad daylight. We live in a very average town in the shires with no particular crime issues. My DDs (now in 20s) were allowed much more freedom at the same age. So whenever she is here either we have to drive her home, which means we can never have a glass of wine, and frankly I resent starting the car for such a short trip or she has to get one of her parents to collect her, and depending on what they're doing there can be quite a delay, and a few times now this has impinged on our own arrangements. Overall this is starting to really annoy me - they are 18 FGS. Am reluctant to rock the boat as gf is lovely. AIBU to think they are being ridiculous? But even if IANBU I don't know what to do.

They are being unreasonable! She's 18 not 8! If they're that bothered they should either pay for a taxi (if that's allowed ) or come for her themselves so as not to impinge on your evenings.

Blimey I moved 200 miles from home to uni at 18 and walked around the uni town regularly both day and night!

They'll be having kittens if she goes to uni!

Bonkers. The girlfriend our son had at 18 lived in the country about 5 miles outside Edinburgh. It was on a bus route and the stop from town was 5 minutes walk from our house. Son would walk her to the stop and she got the bus. She never expected lifts although we often did drive her home if it was bad weather or on a Sunday when the bus service isn't good.

As others have said, many including me, had left home by 18.

You just need to keep repeating to yourself the mantra "she is an adult, it is up to her to make her own arrangements", preferably whilst breathing in the fumes from a nice glass of red.

You are not answerable to her parents, any more than you would be answerable to the parents of any other adult friend you happened to invite round for tea.

And with all due respect, the discussion about the MN money tree is totally irrelevant: the 5 minute walk would cost nothing. And is what a substantial proportion of MN teenagers have to do because a substantial proportion of MN parents can not afford driving lessons and insurance for their offspring. If dd wants to learn how to drive she will jolly well have to pay for it. For most of her childhood we lived without a car because we couldn't afford one. When I was a student I didn't know anyone apart from the professors who could afford to drive: students walked and that was it.

Unreal!

I had a motorbike when I was 16 ( Parents wern't happy but we lived in the back of beyond and the buses came about once a day and never on Sundays! ) It hardly ever worked so I did loads of walking ( Generally pushing Marvin The Un-Co-Operative Honda )

I'm with everyone else, GF's parents mad rules are not your problem. They get her themselves or she gets walked home by your DS if they haven't turned up by the time you want her out. If the relationship goes pear-shaped it'll be no great loss by the sound of things ... Who needs a useless high maintanence princess about the place anyway? ( Harsh and horrible harpy mum emoticon )

I have been known to tell my lovely 12 year old to get the bus (a relatively short and familiar journey home, pretty well the same ride she gets to school) home at 6.30 rather than hauling the car out to get her. She grumbles, but if I cave in (as I do sometimes) it's because of kindness rather than worry.

Whilst I agree that this initially appears over the top we do not know if there is a background reason. Has there been an incident in the past that they are unwilling to talk about, is there a religious reason why she
cannot be unescorted whilst with your son ?

Blimey, I'm amazed she's even allowed a bf if her parents are that overprotective. When I was 18 DP lived over the other side of the country and I used to get a bus and 2 trains to get there. YANBU these people are bonkers.

Teaching children how to use buses and trains is a part of parenting if you live in an urban/suburban neighbourhood imo. Much cheaper than running a car too. Then again it's their choice to parent that way but I wouldn't be going along with such daftness.

YANBU but this seems common these days. DH and I share a car so my older DC have often had to walk places on their own at night etc. It has given them independence though. You can't ferry them about forever.

Are you sure it's what they want rather than what she wants? I'd check with the parents!

allmycats, even if that were the case, surely the fact that the girl is legally an adult means that the OP has no responsibilities vis-a-vis her parents?

She can just sit back and say "well you have to sort something out then, dear" with a perfectly good conscience. That's what grown-ups do. Sort themselves out.

Obviously it is totally unreasonable for your DS to have a girlfriend and for her parents to expect his parents (you) to play chauffeur.

If she overstays her welcome because her parents fail to collect her on time, then you must leave her to it. If that means that you go out as a family leaving her on the doorstep, so be it.

Erm why shouldnt they have sex? It seems odd that even on here people are talking abojt her as if she is a child.
And as for the walking thing...stupid. she can walk home on her own. Not your problem.

Bit off topic but ime there doesn't have to be a serious reason. I knew a teenage girl (living in the West of Scotland!) who didn't own waterproof shoes so had to get a lift from Mum, everywhere.

Madness!!

I was working in a pub at 18, at closing time i either walked home on my own or I went to the late night pub up the road and got a friend or at least someone I kinda knew to walk me home at kicking out time (and I would usually be abit tipsy!!)

OMG I was back packing at 18 and then working abroad.

more

DH lived and worked in Holland at 18 for a year.

when I saw this thread I actually read is at two 18 months old - then my jaw dropped!

At 12 I was getting the train Into London (only about 25 mns) and then 3 stops on Victoria line, before walking to my father's work near Oxford street. Every other week, after school on a Friday.

By 16 was regularly going up to London on my own, plus also going to Brighton with friends.

At 18 I made my own way on coach with heavy luggage to university in scotland, not knowing where was going really.

I'm trying hard to introduce more freedom to dd, who is 10. It's hard though, because none of her friends are out and about, and I would prefer for her to have company for the first few times of making her own way to places. Also I do worry about being judged neglectful (or at least, it makes me question myself).

Yes Zing I thought it was advice for tiny tots!

I knew a teenage girl (living in the West of Scotland!) who didn't own waterproof shoes so had to get a lift from Mum, everywhere.

Are shoes not available in Scotland? If the mum can afford to drive her DD everywhere, its not like they can't afford proper shoes for her?

I can see why the girlfriend's parent's don't want her walking even a short distance late at night on her own, but I see nothing wrong with the OP's DS walking her home, which the OP doesn't have a problem with.

.

Or is the real issue that the OP doesn't want to admit that their 'very average town in the shires with no particular crime issues' is actually a crack addict infested inner city where young men are routinely stabbed to death if they dare to step outside their front door .

Gin, trench rot has been eradicated nationwide due to widespread shoe availability. But to this teenager finding shoes that could be worn without shame and shoes suitable for a west coast winter (or summer) was an insoluble dilemma. You might say her mum was too soft, I couldn't possibly comment.

I think we are all missing the point, its a 5 minute walk, ask yourself how far 5 minutes really is!!!

it should not even be a discussion - dont be silly, by the time I finish my drink, and get ready to leave in the car you would have arrived!

oh I think most of us got the point!

Statistically speaking, I wouldn't be surprised if an average 18 year old is more likely to come to harm driving a car than walking along a road. Also, you still have to park it somewhere and IME that could easily be a 5 minute walk away. (Or is that just Greater London?)

I know somebody who was not allowed on a train late at night at 20 I am not kidding either he had to be picked up from wherever he was, OH and he wasnt allowed to be out in his car late cos its dark and dangerous