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Original poster

To ask my boyfriend to move in with me after six weeks!

246 replies

mrscoleridge · 21/01/2014 17:07

Hi

I have posted about my lovely boyfriend before. It was love at first sight and we more or less spent every day/night together since we met,
I am completely in love with him and want to ask him to move in, I have two kids 17 and 15 who like him a lot too. In fact he spent last weekend decorating the youngest ones bedroom!
I know it's far too quick really but it feels right. He gets on with all my family and friends too and makes a big effort to talk to them.

Please be gentle

OP posts:
INeedSomeHelp · 21/01/2014 21:52

Please, please don't do this. I met STBXH in January 2010 and we were engaged on that Valentines Day. We never really talked about him moving in - he just came round one day and never really went home again.
Looking back there were red flags aplenty but I guess I just got caught up in the romance of it all and once the wedding planning started there was no stopping it.
On the day after our wedding, on the way home from the wedding venue, he made me drop him at the pub so he could watch the football. And that pretty much set the tone - he was always out with mates or watching football or working - not that I saw any of the money from that.
We moved to a bigger house so we'd have room for the DSSs and the only sensible thing I did was keeping that in my name.
He didn't want a wife - he wanted a housekeeper and he found one who came with her own house! We split up after 17 months and I was left with a house I could hardly afford.
He was charm personified to begin with and all my friends thought he was great but he destroyed my confidence and my mental health.
If this is the right man for you there is no rush. Please take your time and get to know him properly whilst keeping your independence. If he can't see the sense in that then there's something wrong.

BumPotato · 21/01/2014 21:52

If you'd no kids I'd be saying give it a go. Since you have teenage daughters, whom he's already doing favours for, I think no, no, no, no, no, FFS Nooooooooooo!

Dinosaurdrip · 21/01/2014 22:04

I wasn't using my situation per say anyfucker, I was just saying that it could work. Admittedly I did only read the op so any other info after that I haven't read.

AnyFucker · 21/01/2014 22:06

It's always a good idea to read the whole thread.

Pheasant32 · 21/01/2014 22:24

Thanks to those who posted sympathies and welcome :) I don't know how to tag yet!!
And yes, it is frighteningly easy to be drawn in by someone because of their behaviour and your perception of them. But that said, genuine, nice, normal men do exist!!

sparklyskyy · 21/01/2014 22:27

Ahhh fuck. Ok, in my defence I normally RTFT before posting but on this occasion I read a few posts and then the wine took over...

So I concur with anything AF says here because she always talks sense Grin

I retract my previous post!

AnyFucker · 21/01/2014 22:31

give me that Wine Smile

Anniegetyourgun · 21/01/2014 22:36

Genuine, nice, normal men do indeed exist and the OP's shiny new bf is probably one of them. However, with two dependent teens and the roof over their heads at stake, probably doesn't cut it. You can of course never be 100% sure of any human being, imperfect creatures that we are, so there comes a time when to move forward at all you must take a bit of a risk. But for goodness' sake take reasonable precautions before throwing your lot in with a virtual stranger.

sparklyskyy · 21/01/2014 22:56

AF here's my Wine, I'm off to bed... Confused

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/01/2014 23:07

She didn't come back then?

OP,do think carefully.

Night all.

onlyjoking9329 · 21/01/2014 23:14

Not a wise idea, for many already mentioned reasons.
If he is as wonderful as you think, surely he will be just as wonderful in a years time.
What about your teenagers, they should be your priority right now. What example are you setting them?
How have your other relationships been? What makes you think this will work out?
You don't seem to have taken on board what people here are saying, would you listen to your teenagers views on this?
Enjoy the time you have, but don't give up everything for him.
Me and DH moved in together quickly, neither of us had children, it worked for us for 16 years, until he died. I wouldn't have been ready for a new relationship a year down the road.
I met my new man four years ago, we were engaged at 6 weeks, we both have our own housesand teenagers and have no plans to live together anytime soon.

JessieMcJessie · 21/01/2014 23:58

Shit. I read the OP as six MONTHS not six weeks! Clearly my brain could not even accept that you'd be considering this after 6 weeks! I take back my supportuve first post, sorry. Far too soon.

ENormaSnob · 22/01/2014 00:01

Grow up.and put your kids first

Stop thinking with your fanny

Lozcat86 · 22/01/2014 00:11

I asked my boyfriend to move in with he after 6 weeks, he had 2 kids that he saw at weekends and wax at the time lodging in a house. But it felt right. He didn't actually move in until about 6 months later but he stayed at mine virtually every night and the kids stayed too at weekends. We have now been together 4 years married for 1 year and have a baby dd, so it can work out Smile

VelvetSpoon · 22/01/2014 00:13

Absolutely fucking ridiculous and frighteningly naïve.

Are you so afraid of losing him that you think by getting him under the same roof quickly you'll hang onto him a bit longer?

And the only sort of man who would want to move in after 6 weeks is an aspiring cocklodger. I wouldn't even have introduced my children at that stage, let alone have a strange man in my house making himself at home decorating my child's bedroom Hmm

TheBigJessie · 22/01/2014 00:15

I wouldn't have moved in with someone I'd known for six weeks when I was 16 and living with a violent, physically abusive family, and desperate to leave home.

So, what's your excuse, OP?

moppymarker · 22/01/2014 00:19

I havent read the thread becuase its late and i need to go to bed, [Sorry] but i just wanted to share my experience

I met DH and within a fortnight he had moved in with me. six years later he became my DH. we will be celebrating our 24year anniversary at the end of January.

OTOH my sis met and married her husband within 3 months. they split up after 5 years of marraige

bochead · 22/01/2014 00:41

Just wondering what sort of bloke would want to play Daddy to two teenagers after only 6 weeks in someone else's house?

I'm sure you've worked out what's in it for you OP, as an educated 47 year old.

What's in it for HIM?

What's in it for your kids? (He's already done the redecorating).

Imnotmadeofeyes · 22/01/2014 01:47

So OP, how long were you with your ex before you realised it was dead in the water?

But yes, six weeks is more than enough time to know someone enough to let them live in your children's home...

Out of interest if your kids expressed a desire for you to break up with him, would you still treat their opinion as so important?

Please don't put this responsibility on them.

AmberLeaf · 22/01/2014 01:57

You've been Dicknotized OP.

Get a grip and start using your brain.

arfishy · 22/01/2014 03:43

Dicknotized Grin

I think you should wait OP. Get to know him better and enjoy having your own space in the meantime.

It's easy to be on best behaviour for six weeks and I'm a bit suspicious of a man who wants to take on two teens after such a short amount of time.

Jemimapuddlemuck · 22/01/2014 03:57

Please please please do not do this.

Any man worth his salt will totally understand if you tell him you need to wait a while before moving in (in any circumstances, but especially when you have teenage children). If he kicks up a fuss then those alarm bells had better start ringing.

Jinglebellsforthebetter · 22/01/2014 05:35

I'm an educated woman too. Didn't stop me moving in with X after 6 weeks (no kids). He turned out to be a grade A wanker. Too soon!

gamerchick · 22/01/2014 08:26

She's not going to come back I don't think.

TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 22/01/2014 09:10

Bad idea, OP. Really. I moved in with DP after four months but there were no children. We argued a lot in the first few weeks because it was a huge adjustment and in hindsight it was too quick. I moved in because my I was previously living with my parents, who were moving 6 hours away. It was either move in with DP and keep my job/friends, or move and have to start over again.

If my parents hadn't moved, I'd have waited longer before moving in. We're fine now and engaged and TTC, but it was a rocky road and if there were children involved I would not do it again. No way. If he's the one, he'll wait around.