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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not "get" mass public mourning?

541 replies

BabyMummy29 · 19/01/2014 16:22

Thinking of the sad case of the little boy in Edinburgh at the moment, but on so many occasions nowadays people leave flowers, toys etc when they didn't even know the person concerned,

Wouldn't they be better spending the money on a donation to a charity.

I just don't get it at all. Fair enough if you knew the person involved. but not otherwise.

OP posts:
DrNick · 19/01/2014 17:10

i sitll rip the piss out of a cERTAIN POSTER who signed a book of condolence for Diana

you know who you are

squoosh · 19/01/2014 17:11

'i hate public displays of any emotion'

Seriously? How very depressing.

Bowlersarm · 19/01/2014 17:11

TakeyourPick I agree with you.

Laying flowers, can mean empathy.

DrNick · 19/01/2014 17:12

yup

any
concerts, dancing anything

EWEW i cringe

Weelady77 · 19/01/2014 17:14

Drnick NAFF!!!

A child has died the community are marking there respect and you think it's NAFF have a bit of respect!

Charlesroi · 19/01/2014 17:14

YANBU. As someone said upthread it's about the 'mourner', not the family suffering the loss. I wonder where they all were when things were going wrong?
I find the scramble to be the first to set up a Facebook tribute page reaaly disturbing too.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/01/2014 17:15

YANBU OP, the little boy's death is a tragedy. 'Mourning Sickness' as it's now been coined seems such a grotesque display to me and nothing to do with showing respect and it certainly doesn't = empathy.

squoosh · 19/01/2014 17:16

'As someone said upthread it's about the 'mourner', not the family suffering the loss. I wonder where they all were when things were going wrong?'

Oh please, they have no right to lay flowers as they didn't save him from his killer? Some people are just paying their respects, their is no agenda!

nennypops · 19/01/2014 17:17

We had an instance when a young woman from another country was murdered quite near us. DD left flowers for her because she was a similar age, and because the victim had no relatives in the country and she felt that it was right to show respect for a stranger who had died in such a horrible and lonely way when visiting here. I thought DD was right to do so.

One of my gripes, though, is people who leave flowers in cellophane. It seems to me much better to show the flowers properly rather than leaving acres of increasingly slimy and smelly cellophane as happened with Princess Diana.

IHaveSeenMyHat · 19/01/2014 17:18

I find it quite ghoulish.

And the twee messages, like "dance with the angels, sweet boy" are just so overblown it's distasteful.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/01/2014 17:19

I looked at the pictures of the sea of flowers outside Kensington Palace and Buckingham Palace, when Diana died, and thought, if all the money spent on those had gone to charity - say, the Landmine charity that Diana supported - how much good could have been done? How many lives could have been saved? And the strident demands for the Queen to leave Balmoral (where she was, presumably supporting her son and her two grandsons - whose need was surely greater than that of The Public) sickened me. That William and Harry had to be paraded, in lounge suits, in front of the crowds, was unspeakable.

In the Edinburgh case, I can understand local people, who joined the search, feeling a sense of connection, and a need to make some public show of their grief and sympathy.

WooWooOwl · 19/01/2014 17:20

This thread is depressing.

I can see why people would view this mass outpouring of grief as distasteful, but it's got to be better than having a tragedy like this happen in your neighbourhood and have no one even acknowledge that it happened.

Like I said earlier, people are shocked and they want to show they care somehow, and to reach out to others that feel the way they do. Yes there might be some that couldn't give a shit and just want to be seen to care on telly or by their neighbours, but I don't think that's how the majority see it.

It's very sad that people are criticised for being part of something like this. Would you really rather a child was killed and have no one bat an eyelid?

Bootycall · 19/01/2014 17:20

think it's really sad when people sneer.

absolutely understand posters saying it's not something they would do, that's a completely valid view but really dislike the sneering comments from some posters at those who choose to law flowers, especially local people.

doormat · 19/01/2014 17:20

yabu

just hope nothing tragic happens to any of you

you may then feel comforted, in thd thought, that total strangers have given you and your family a passing thought of empathy, respect and wanted to display that

until any of you have been in this position, you wont understand

mark of respect paid to a 3yr old lil lad that was tragically killed and you dont get it

words fail me what selfish, unempathetic ppl are out in this world :(

hugs booty x

squoosh · 19/01/2014 17:21

I agree WooWoo the sneering is sad if a bit predictable.

PistolAnnies · 19/01/2014 17:22

Ouch OP YABU Hmm And quite insensitive imo.

I was (and still am) extremely touched by the Fiona Anderson & her 4 babies story in Lowestoft, and also the Casey Anthony story.

everlong · 19/01/2014 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Weelady77 · 19/01/2014 17:24

Doormat I couldn't have put it any better!

The community this wee boy lived in is one of the so called deprived rough areas but I'll tell you with big bloody hearts!

Enb76 · 19/01/2014 17:25

It makes me very uncomfortable. The grief feels manufactured and false. I've never understood this need some people have to be seen to be empathetic. It's mawkish and egotistic IMO.

ashtrayheart · 19/01/2014 17:26

Conspicuous compassion I think it was called at one point and I agree op, yanbu.

KarmaVersusGeorgeOsbourne · 19/01/2014 17:27

Yes, Mrs3Chins, or the adults who encourage their small DC to draw pictures/signs saying things like 'RIP Sleep Tight'. It's different if the DC are friends/family of the person, but in a lot of cases they aren't. I was on a memorial FB page of the little boy in Scotland, and people from the other end of the country were posting pics of the memorial tray thing they and their small children had made- a teddy, some candles, and a sign that they had set on their kitchen table. My DC are young primary school age, and don't have a clue what's gone on- why should they?

DrNick · 19/01/2014 17:28

mourning is never naff
plastic wrapped flowers dont need to equate to mouning

CoffeeTea103 · 19/01/2014 17:30

You might not understand it, but why question what others do? How's that of concern to you if you have chosen not to do anything?
How do you know if those cards aren't collected and given to he families, which may provide comfort?

Bowlersarm · 19/01/2014 17:31

Surely, it must be of some comfort to the family who have lost someone they love? If not immediately, then some time in the future.

I just can't think that it would be thought of negatively, to the family and friends involved, knowing that people are taking time out to think about them.

doormat · 19/01/2014 17:31

weelady i can imagine they are sll bighearted..the pics on the news of mums in prams wanting to do something constructive in finding this lil lad

now the lil children are being taken by their parents to show and give a lil respect

so what if its a teddy, a candle, a flower.. someone upthread daid it was tatt..how disrespectful to any community member who wants to show they care

bang out of order, insensitive and unsympathetic ..

you can see on news those parents are thanking god its not them and holding thdir children tight..

as i said ..you wont know till it happens to you..so if it hasnt just stfu and get on with ya pathetic unsympathetic lives