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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About neighbours taking in deliveries for us?

242 replies

Plateofcrumbs · 19/01/2014 09:18

DH and I both work full time, often long hours. We do a large chunk of our shopping online (clothes, stuff for the house, books) which often results in courier/Royal Mail deliveries whilst we are out being left with a neighbour.

There are a few people on our street who are often in during the day so packages don't always end up with the same people - maybe once a month is the most any neighbour gets.

We always collect packages as soon as we can but because of long hours this is sometimes not the same day, sometimes a few days. And we've had a couple of occasions where couriers have not left cards so we haven't known about parcels until the neighbour has come round to us.

One neighbour is always a bit pointed with us when she takes in deliveries, particularly if we are not straight over to pick them up, and makes us feel like we're being a bit of a nuisance.

AIBU to be so reliant on neighbours goodwill, or is she being unreasonable to make a fuss?

OP posts:
antimatter · 19/01/2014 13:31

I can see that OP assumes it's her hard earned right to have people doing parcel picking for her.

That is something I find very unpleasant.
If I am not going to be at home I am not ordering items - I think that goes without saying.

drbonnieblossman · 19/01/2014 13:35

you're abusing the good nature of your neighbours. you need to stop ordering online and go and buy what you need or get things delivered to work if your employers agree.

CaterpillarCara · 19/01/2014 13:39

I am often in PJs by 7 pm even if I am up till midnight. It is too tempting to jump into the lovely hot bath the kids have just vacated and then it seems silly to put day clothes back on...

So if I had your mail, I would be sitting up dressed in day clothes but not wanting to be for 2 - 3 nights. I would do it but would not like it.

ThatWouldBeTelling · 19/01/2014 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoulJacker · 19/01/2014 13:43

you need to stop ordering online and go and buy what you need

Do you realise how hard this is for some items these days? If I could physically go to a shop and buy things I'd choose to do that but a lot of the time it's just not possible.

NatashaBee · 19/01/2014 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuckingWankwings · 19/01/2014 13:56

Three or four times isn't a lot of taking in parcels, IMO. She doesn't have to agree to if she doesn't want to.

I work at home and quite often take in parcels for neighbours. Usually they come and get them on the day or 1–2 days later. Occasionally if I'm in the mood, or going out and passing their house anyway, I'll take the parcel round. I wouldn't dream of passing snippy comments about how long it took them to come and collect. No one has either made a snippy comment to me either.

It doesn't particularly disrupt me (it takes 5 or 10 minutes max) and neighbours have taken stuff in for me in the past and I hope will do so in the future too. I'm always very pleasant and thank my neighbours for doing it and they're all the same.

It's a small nice thing to do for someone, and often it's reciprocal. If she doesn't want to engage then she needn't take in your stuff. If she continues doing it she should do it with better grace. I think those saying the OP is rude or not taking responsibility are the ones BU here.

SabraCadabra · 19/01/2014 14:01

If we let our neighbours take stuff in I very much doubt we'd see the parcel again. Theyd keep them or be down cash generators with goods :)

Nanny0gg · 19/01/2014 14:02

It's a small nice thing to do for someone, and often it's reciprocal.

It's not reciprocal when the OP works long hours and is never there, which is why there is an issue.

I would resent the implication that because I am either a SAHM or I work from home that it's okay to use me as a parcel depot without a by-your-leave.

It's the sheer effrontery of the OP's assumption that really gets to me.

antimatter · 19/01/2014 14:10

Do you realise how hard this is for some items these days? If I could physically go to a shop and buy things I'd choose to do that but a lot of the time it's just not possible

Yes it is hard but if 2 people work they should be able between them put together plan to work out something what's important for them.
We aren't talking a family with small kids and lots of needs but people who are grown up's and have shopping to do.

NearTheWindmill · 19/01/2014 14:16

Thus is why I don't really do much mail order. Why can't some people just go shoppinmg? JL do click and collect fromnearest Waitrose, Amazon do collections ferom lockers.

CaterpillarCara · 19/01/2014 14:16

Do you realise how hard this is for some items these days? If I could physically go to a shop and buy things I'd choose to do that but a lot of the time it's just not possible

You are effectively using your neighbours as a concierge service.

I'm sorry, but you do need to try and organise your life so it is broadly self-sufficient. Of course it is not always possible. Of course we should all help each other. But it should not be constantly assumed that others will help, especially if you don't really know them or ever help them yourself.

We have no nearby family, for example. That means I need to pay for more childcare than others who do.

My husband works at a secure site, so is not allowed personal mail. This means different choices too.

By both working, you are earning more money than if one of you was at home to take in parcels. Some of that money needs to go toward special delivery services, etc, so you can manage your own affairs at least most of the time. Or you need to shop a different way.

Did you give all the neighbours a gift at Christmas? I certainly hope so!

Whizbang · 19/01/2014 14:19

*You're taking the piss.

Massively.

'AIBU?'
'Yes'
'But, but, but...'*

Not true imo and also a little bit uncalled for. OP has stressed that she really is asking advice from MNetters, having moved from inner London to a more suburban area so not being quite sure what the done thing is. She's receiving lots of helpful input, some of which she's stated she will use, and has at all times been appreciative of the input. No need for aggro responses.

OP, FWIW I don't think you're being unreasonable - I take in parcels for my neighbours just as they do for me. But fair play to you for picking up on a potentially negative cue from this particular neighbour. Agree with the others who suggest perhaps some chocs or flowers to thank her, and stress to her that you don't expect her to do it for you if it's a pain.

Canidae · 19/01/2014 14:21

Find out if they do mind taking in the pacels or if they were just fed up of you not collecting them without knowing about your work hours. Pop round with a small present to say thanks for the parcels they have taken in so far and ask them about taking in stuff in the future. You can also explain about why you can't always get them the same day.

If they say it's then keep their kindness in mind , if they say no then look into other options.

I think my neighbour likes taking in everyone's parcels but I still buy her flowers as a friendly gesture. She then pops a thankyou card through my door and I feel i should thank her for the thankyou card. We could go on forever!

NearTheWindmill · 19/01/2014 14:21

It's a bit like those calls SAHM's get when WOHM's childcare breaks down. "Could yiu just collect Johnnie and drop him at Beavers with Billie". Yes, no problem and then you realise that johnnie needs tea and to borrow a bit of billy's kit, and actually you are doing pick-up as well because the WOHM arranged to change that last week because she had a meeting. Reciprocal my backside. Was one of the reasons DH persuaded me to go back to work. Funny enough in 6 years at primary I think my childcare only broke down onmce!!!!

Sunnymeg · 19/01/2014 14:22

There are other options, as previously stated, you can choose somewhere to collect Amazon goods. Many online companies allow you to collect goods from their nearest high street outlet, or have a click and collect option. With other companies you can choose when to have the goods delivered, there may be a fee involved, but it is possible.
I was happy to take in packages for people until I took in a parcel for a neighbour which turned out to be damaged once opened and I had a very difficult conversation with them, as they made out it was my fault.

YABU

tallulah · 19/01/2014 14:22

this is what we have at our Sainsburys

FuckingWankwings · 19/01/2014 14:36

'It's not reciprocal when the OP works long hours and is never there, which is why there is an issue.'

That's why I said it was 'often' reciprocal, not always. Who knows; in the future one of the OP's neighbours might need a favour back from her.

The OP has said she uses click and collect whenever possible, and leaves delivery instructions to leave parcels on the porch rather than with a neighbour. I don't think there's any 'implication' that it's OK to deliberately use the neighbours.

She also says she often helps out the neighbour who takes in the bulk of the parcels in other ways, and it's only one neighbour in four who expresses unhappiness about taking them in. I think it's this neighbour being U. She should just refuse to take parcels in if she doesn't want to do it. It's not fair to take them in grudgingly and then take it out on the OP.

nauticant · 19/01/2014 14:42

It sounds like the OP is being a little U but credit to her, it she is listening to what's being said

I am very surprised by some of the comments about how taking in a parcel for a neighbour is such an imposition. Whenever I take them in, it doesn't even register on my consciousness that it's something to resent.

I'm not particularly close with my neighbours but last year dispatch of a large-ish parcel was delayed by a few weeks, the delivery time looked like it was going to be during my holiday, and, knowing how fucking useless a particular courier are, asked my neighbours whether they'd keep an eye open for an abandoned parcel on my doorstep and take it in. They spotted it and saved it from thieves/torrential rain. I made suitable noises of gratitude, and that was that.

JennySense · 19/01/2014 14:42

Doesn't bother me at all. I work from home and are happy to take parcels. I just put them in the hall till collected or nip round when I see they're in.
I think its just part of being a friendly neighbour.

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 19/01/2014 14:57

I can't see it should be a problem for a neighbour. If they don't want to take in parcels there's no law that says they have to.

We live in a friendly road and I work part-time from home in the front room. I can therefore see delivery people knocking on my neighbours' doors. I always go out and get the parcel if I know the neighbour is out, and some delivery companies just know to try me or another person across the road. Our neighbours take in parcels for us, it's all very easy. One couple are out for long hours so they don't often take in parcels but reciprocate in other neighbourly ways.

There is a shop with a collection point at the top of the road but I think we all just find it easier to be friendly and helpful.

newyearhere · 19/01/2014 15:03

If they don't want to take in parcels there's no law that says they have to.

No, but why should they be interrupted regularly and have to be huffed at by the delivery person whenever they say no?

SoulJacker · 19/01/2014 15:04

The thing is I have no problem with things going to the sorting office or the local depot and picking them up from there. My neighbour is under no obligation whatsoever to accept delivery so I fail to see how them doing something that I in no way require them to do is imposing on them. They are free to refuse if it's a problem for them.

newyearhere · 19/01/2014 15:06

It can depend how many neighbours you have and how many of them are out, as to how many parcels you're asked to take in. If the houses are widely spaced and there are quite a few people in, then it's not so bad. But if you're the only person at home during the day in a terrace of 200 houses, it must be very wearing to become the delivery office for the street.

Athrodiaeth · 19/01/2014 15:46

I wondered if you were my neighbours for a minute. Lovely couple, but I've taken in parcel after parcel for them and they never come and collect! I have a tiny hallway and I can't keep designating a corner of it as Number 6's Parcel Pile. We lug them round to theirs every Sunday but I'm done now, no more.

Tell any unhappy neighbour to decline the parcel at the postman, as you're happy to get it from the Post Office in your own time.