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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About neighbours taking in deliveries for us?

242 replies

Plateofcrumbs · 19/01/2014 09:18

DH and I both work full time, often long hours. We do a large chunk of our shopping online (clothes, stuff for the house, books) which often results in courier/Royal Mail deliveries whilst we are out being left with a neighbour.

There are a few people on our street who are often in during the day so packages don't always end up with the same people - maybe once a month is the most any neighbour gets.

We always collect packages as soon as we can but because of long hours this is sometimes not the same day, sometimes a few days. And we've had a couple of occasions where couriers have not left cards so we haven't known about parcels until the neighbour has come round to us.

One neighbour is always a bit pointed with us when she takes in deliveries, particularly if we are not straight over to pick them up, and makes us feel like we're being a bit of a nuisance.

AIBU to be so reliant on neighbours goodwill, or is she being unreasonable to make a fuss?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 19/01/2014 11:09

hasn't actually said she is not happy or doesn't want to take deliveries for us

She shouldn't have had to! You should have checked with your neighbours first!

Most sites ask where you want things left, so you're clearly being very free with your instructions.

Original poster
Plateofcrumbs · 19/01/2014 11:11

Maybe attitudes differ in different areas? Where we used to live (inner London) packages for people on our street used to end up all over the place, sometimes 8 or 10 doors down. Often the only way we met other people living there was collecting parcels from each other. It just seemed completely normal practice and the idea of checking with neighbours before you got a delivery was unheard of, as you'd have no idea where it would end up.

I can see how it would become annoying if you're the one person on the street who is at home all day who is always on the receiving end though.

OP posts:
Binkyridesagain · 19/01/2014 11:12

You've been there 6 months, one neighbour has had 3/4 deliveries of yours that you can remember, the other 3 neighbours have also taken deliveries for you. That is a lot of deliveries that your neighbours haven taken for you over a short period of time.

walkdowntheavenue · 19/01/2014 11:16

It's clearly 3 or 4 times too many though! Can you really not see that? They are not her parcels but you are placing the responsibility for them on her shoulders. She has made it clear she's not happy being your personal delivery service so the adult and polite thing to do is apologise and stop. You are being incredibly rude.
If another neighbour is happy to take them in then well done to them and long may it last but you cannot expect all will feel the same!
Make alternative arrangements and stop putting others out to suit yourself

maddening · 19/01/2014 11:16

we opt out of packages being left with neighbours and pick up from the sorting office on a Saturday morning - I often make orders on a Thursday evening so they arrive on the saturday.

Original poster
Plateofcrumbs · 19/01/2014 11:18

She shouldn't have had to! You should have checked with your neighbours first!

But what's the answer to that one? It's not like we're actually requesting parcels are delivered to her house. Would you check with everyone on the street before ordering a package which may or may not be delivered to a neighbour?

Every courier company seems to have its own rules about whether they will leave packages outside your house, return it to depot for collection or try to deliver to neighbours. You don't know what you're going to get until after they've done it.

OP posts:
BronzeHorseman · 19/01/2014 11:23

We get parcels for our neighbours and they get ones for us, it's never been an issue. I prefer them to put a card in and I collect it on a Saturday if it's the post office but one of the 'local' companies that Amazon use come from 30 miles away so I'm glad when our neighbours will take them, I don't expect it though. We're not allowed to get parcels delivered at work.

Binkyridesagain · 19/01/2014 11:23

You are ordering on line knowing that you will not be in to receive them, that should suggest to you that the postman/courier will find an alternative delivery address before taking it back to the depot, which from your past experience at your old address, you will know will mean asking your neighbours.

You know that your neighbours will be asked, you should have checked it was ok before you started ordering, you should not have expected them to take on the responsibility without checking it was okay.

NearTheWindmill · 19/01/2014 11:26

I think you are being a bit rude to be honest. DD took in a large parcel the other weekend and the neighbours were then away for two or three days and the huge thing was in my hall for the entire time. It didn't please me. If you aren't there to receive deliveries then do traditional shopping.

Summerblaze · 19/01/2014 11:27

I always try and help and take in a parcel and would feel saying no. But at the moment I have a parcel that has been here for 2 days (and the delivery man woke my baby up with the loud banging with his hand held thing on the window) and nobody has been.

Its just rude not to come as soon as is possible.

Ainsley · 19/01/2014 11:31

For most deliveries you and your dh need to pay extra for deliveries on a named day (Saturday?). Spread the rest among your 'harassed' receptionist at work, and the neighbours. The odd delivery to their homes while you're at work won't have the same irritating impact. I'm a sahp and take in the odd thing for neighbours and vice versa but not on the level you describe. I think that's fair and reasonable.

Oriunda · 19/01/2014 11:33

I don't think your neighbour minds taking the parcel in. I do think she minds you not coming over to collect promptly and making her come over to you. Unless you are getting home at 10pm every night, there is no excuse for not popping over to collect your parcel. Otherwise, get them delivered to your office or to a collection point like a local newsagents that lots of online firms offer now.

FWIW I always take in parcels for neighbours. I also get a lot of deliveries that usually get left with the shop 2 doors down when I'm out. I always buy the shopkeeper a Christmas gift to thank her for taking my parcels in.

TidyDancer · 19/01/2014 11:35

I take in parcels sometimes and generally give neighbours the day it arrived to pick it up, then I'll deliver if I can after that. I used to get annoyed about that, but then I realised how petty that was so just accepted there were always going to be reasons some people couldn't collect straight away.

It's entirely possible that one of my neighbours is being arsehole-ish over a parcel of mine that arrived before Christmas. The delivery company fucking Yodel claim to have delivered to me but didn't, and because no one has come round with a parcel, I don't know if that's because the delivery company fucking Yodel have stolen my parcel or one of my neighbours is being stubborn and mean about not bringing it round. Or has decided that since I haven't picked it up, that they will keep my items. I have asked the immediate neighbours but none of them have it.

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/01/2014 11:40

OP, you do seem to be abdicating responsibility here. It's the Post Office's fault. The couriers all do it differently. At our last address, collecting packages from each other's houses was a form of social cohesion. The other three neighbours are fine with it or at least have been too polite to mention it. Umm, no. You are ordering stuff to be delivered to your home address, knowing you are very unlikely to be in when it is delivered, and not making arrangements in advance to take care of that delivery. It is your responsibility, not your neighbours'.

It's all very well saying 'if she doesn't want to she could tell the postman/courier "No"', but most people are kind. The neighbour who is "being a bit pointed" with you HAS been kind. Her day has been interrupted by the delivery (and that interruption could have been a problem) but she has still taken your parcel in for you. Taken responsibility for it. And now she's noting that it keeps happening, so she's letting you know quite gently (and maybe too vaguely for you to cotton on) that you should have some definite arrangements in place for your many, many deliveries that turn up when you are not there. And that you can reasonably anticipate that you won't be there for.

Original poster
Plateofcrumbs · 19/01/2014 11:41

For most deliveries you and your dh need to pay extra for deliveries on a named day (Saturday?)

Where does everyone shop that they get this option? If we have the option of any named date, I will take that and can often arrange to work from home for a day. I very very rarely see places where you can specify weekend deliveries (unless for large furniture items etc).

I love click and collect / collect+ . Some people have mentioned collection points in supermarkets etc - I've not heard of this (other than for things you've ordered from supermarkets of course), what is it?

OP posts:
Oriunda · 19/01/2014 11:41

Tidy Yodel should have got a signature and a record of which neighbour they left with. If so, then you can ask the neighbour again, telling them that as yodel say they have a signature the police need to be involved (blame fraudulent driver etc as an excuse). If no signature, then yodel are at fault and you should be refunded.

Viviennemary · 19/01/2014 11:43

YABU. Especially if it is a few days before you get round to collecting the package. Personally I don't mind taking in parcels and holding on to them but would quite appreciate that some people don't want other folk's stuff hanging about in their houses for days on end. I don't think you can expect it as a right. I agree with the poster who said you are becoming a bit of a nuisance.

TidyDancer · 19/01/2014 11:44

I've seen the signature, Oriunda. It's not one I recognise and none of my neighbours have admitted it's theirs. Yodel are claiming they delivered to my address anyway, not a neighbour.

I have sent off a copy of my signature (passport, driving license, etc) and waiting to heard what they will do.

LisaMed · 19/01/2014 11:45

My neighbours often take in parcels for me.

I take them random chocs, goodies, flowers, help them out - because it is a pain for them to take in my parcels and I do appreciate it.

I think for parcels to not be a problem you need to have a good relationship built and maintained.

notapizzaeater · 19/01/2014 11:46

I take the parcels in here for my cul de sac - I used to chase them down the road but now they know I will take them so hey just knock. It doesn't bother me at all. If I have deliveries I do try to order from amazon on a Friday for Saturday delivery.

Original poster
Plateofcrumbs · 19/01/2014 11:47

OP, you do seem to be abdicating responsibility here. It's the Post Office's fault. The couriers all do it differently. At our last address, collecting packages from each other's houses was a form of social cohesion. The other three neighbours are fine with it

I'm trying to explain why I have been doing it to date rather than provide an excuse for why I'm going to keep doing it. Obviously it seems a lot of people do get put-out by this, which has never been my previous experience but I will bear this in mind for the future. I can't say I'm going to completely stop ordering online for home deliveries that may get delivered whilst we're at work, but I will try to cut down and get DH to do likewise.

OP posts:
WhenWhyWhere · 19/01/2014 11:48

I don't mind taking the odd parcel for nieghbours but it sounds like you order a lot. Confused

I think you are being very U, you should get a parcel box Example - one of many It will be better for your nieghbours AND for you.

You should also take some flowers/chocs over to your nieghbours that have helped you in the past, good nieghbours are great to have.

trinity0097 · 19/01/2014 11:49

I either rely on my fab next door neighbour or have things delivered to work. Most of us do have packages delivered to work that are not work related, secretary happily signs for them and lets us know they have arrived.

lurkerspeaks · 19/01/2014 11:50

Full time work and online stuff is a massive pain in the arse.

My Dad used to take all my deliveries but he has just gone back to work full time. Now I try to order stuff so it gets delivered on my day off and if it is really important ask my friends husband if I can deliver it to him at work (his company don't seem to mind).

Long term I'm looking at moving into a portered development. But I'm London based and there are lots of blocks which have porters.

antimatter · 19/01/2014 11:54

OP - it took me one search on gogle to find this
www.collectplus.co.uk/

please don't excuse yourself from not using common sense whilst using your neighbours time and patience

it may be hard for you neighbour to get to the door to answer it and you are not thinking that maybe she has mobility problems, back back or whathever

I am not surprised she lost her patience with you when you just assumed they HAVE to be your delivery drop off point

very, very rude of you

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