Voluptuous FIL sits TOPLESS when we visit :(

[PollyPumpkins]

AIMU to expect FIL to put a top on during visits. I realise its his home and people can generally do what they like within their own 4 walls.

However I just find I am being increasingly struck dumb and I am unable to meet his gaze or even look at him. He is rather generously proportioned and sits at the head of the table like some buddha.

I have a sense he knows my feelings about this and knows how uncomfortable it makes me feel as several years ago there was a conversation about being half dressed in different situations - eg ... walking down street, in own home, in garden, on beach etc. This was before he took to being half undressed when at home.

DH has no problem with it although he does not do this himself. He also does not feel comfortable broaching the subject with his father.

Perhaps I am turning into a prude in my old age and just need to chillax.

Good idea Wherethesundontshine - Shake hands it is!

Well spotted Malcolm :)

my DF does this, rips his shirt off then grabs women .

I would say can you go topless too, but he would probably really enjoy that.

Oh no SundontShine ... That would really gross me out :(

ThatWouldBeTelling ... Twisted fits in somewhere when analysing FIL psyche .

what about those printed t shirts with an image of a topless mans moobs on it....

We should all go round to op's house and show her support next time he turns up by sitting around topless drinking tea.

Malcolm ... priceless ... I like you! lol

Sundontshine .... it could get the message across :)

Is it not common courtesy to put ones clothes on when ones has visitors?!

Yanbu.

The old hag seriously if its just a body then would you be ok if he got his balls out at Sunday lunch ......thought not. He is creepy and inappropriate.

Thank you Ali & Bella for the support.

If he's doing it to embarrass you, you need to fight fire with fire.

I

As he answers the door exclaim 'phwoar look at the dirty love pillows on that' and give his flabby man tits a big squeeze.

If that doesn't work, nudge his thermostat down (not a euphemism) til it is chilly

To gross tell him to put a t shirt on.

I am hiding this thread as just reading the title is conjuring up unpleasant images. So you have my sympathy.

I don't agree with the posters who are saying it is his house, he can do what he likes. Bhaving like that when there are guests is weird.

Yuk yuk yuk. Dh wouldn't like it either and would speak to his mother who would speak to his father and then it wouldn't happen again.

Can you get MIL on side OP? If not then I would reduce the frequency of visits (and only go when there is snow on the ground).

Yuck. revolting and power-trippy. Yuckity yuck.
Why haven't you answered any of the questions about MIL's viewpoint?

When I was a child I was astounded/ repulsed/ horrified by the insistence of so many of my parents'' male friends being shirtless in the summer.

I am less squeamish as an adult but I still think when one is eating, unless it's a beach picnic, one should be clothed. just rude otherwise.

Unless one is a baby/ toddler. Their undressing is adorable and cute and Everything they do is marvellous.

Take him a shirt and hand it to him.
"Here voluptuous FIL, wear this. I don't want to be faced with your sweaty fat torso while having my lunch"
Or all turn up topless (bra optional for own peace of mind) to the next lunch.

If he started doing this after a conversation where you explained that you find such things uncomfortable or upsetting, and looks for ways to exert power anyway, then it's fairly obvious that he is trying to embarrass or distress you. Just because you know DH is frightened , it doesn't mean you should be.

Sometimes the best way to deal with people like this is with humour. Or you could buy a couple of tshirts for him and explain that you were so worried about hom not being able to afford clothing that you thought you could try to help out, and you've brought some lunch to try to help out.

And for heaven's sake don't tell him about things ypu find upsetting ever again.

Could he help with breastfeeding??

ComposHat ... Spits tea all over ... your comment made me laugh out loud .... thank you, i needed the lift :)

Thank you Caitlin ... he is a very controlling person :(

Ceriser ... MIL is an enabler and has lived a dogged life.

Thank you Amanda ... I think its the power misuse behind his behaviour that is getting to me now as well.

Inertia ... true ... humour can be a great diffuser. I had better not tell him I dislike anything ever again lol

BoffinMum ... Thats just wrong lol Poor baby would be affected for life.

Alisvola - thats what I think. I never knowing piss anybody off - but FIL is getting increasingly belligerent in his golden years.

Tell him he should only go topless if he gets a front & back wax.