Voluptuous FIL sits TOPLESS when we visit :(

[PollyPumpkins]

AIMU to expect FIL to put a top on during visits. I realise its his home and people can generally do what they like within their own 4 walls.

However I just find I am being increasingly struck dumb and I am unable to meet his gaze or even look at him. He is rather generously proportioned and sits at the head of the table like some buddha.

I have a sense he knows my feelings about this and knows how uncomfortable it makes me feel as several years ago there was a conversation about being half dressed in different situations - eg ... walking down street, in own home, in garden, on beach etc. This was before he took to being half undressed when at home.

DH has no problem with it although he does not do this himself. He also does not feel comfortable broaching the subject with his father.

Perhaps I am turning into a prude in my old age and just need to chillax.

Does your husband not just say 'Daaaad, put your jugs away' or similar?

What does your MIL have to say about this matter?

Catypillar ... whats S&B ... looks embarrassed

Theoldhag - true ... but knowing that wont stop how i feel.

FlumFlumTree ... I feel your pain ... Looking at outlines of meat and two veg sounds proper grose. Perhaps Im lucky FIL is sat at table ... I am unable to view below the waist ...Every cloud .... lol

This made me think of the comedy Friday Night Dinner, where the dad is often bare chested because he feels the cold. He always wears a top to the table, though. :o

This not entirely helpful, I realise. How grim for you, OP. It's especially unpleasant that he appears to be doing it to upset you - starting it after the conversation you had.

Your FIL sits down at the table to eat with no top on ?
No fucking way would my children ever experience that .
I would just walk out and go home .

Jengnr ... DH would never dare say anything about anything if it was different to fil's view/perspective.

This>>> Does your husband not just say 'Daaaad, put your jugs away' or similar?

Jengnr excellent

Glu ... yes ... when we last visited we were offered lunch but thankfully we had eaten prior to visit.

After eating FIL will then administer his injectable insulin into his naked torso ... all at the dinner table ... it just makes for uncomfortable viewing.

Do you have kids with you when you're there?

Hahahahaha ... Everlong ... never twigged lol Big Grin

No MargeryDaw.

first good god wanda he was a flasher, OP there is no need for him to sit with his moobs on show it is just rude and also a little about control he is THE MAN and all that

Is this abroad in sunnier climes or is he just hardy? Sounds like an oaf. (The insulin thing wouldn't bother me. We have a friend who has to do this before he eats. He does it very discreetly and wears a shirt, obviously, like any civilised person). Ye gods and little fishes!

@hardy

Ahh, see if there were kids I would have used the excuse of him setting a bad example.

Tell DH to man up and say something to his DF.

Not good, but whilst your dh doesn't do this now when he gets older it could be Like father like son, if he doesn't have a problem with it now

When I was a teen, my friends dad used to walk around only in his pants, or with T shirt and pants. In his case I'm sure it was a power trip. Not saying it is the case all the time, but you seem to think the same about your FIL, OP.

And OMG about the insulin

I wouldn't go. He's disrespectful and seems to get off on making you feel uncomfortable. You don't have to put up with it. Just refuse to go.

"there was a conversation about being half dressed in different situations - eg ... walking down street, in own home, in garden, on beach etc. This was before he took to being half undressed when at home."

So FIL knows from that conversation how you would feel about him being topless in your company; and knowing that, he STARTED to dress in a way that he knew would make you uncomfortable.

"DH would never dare say anything about anything if it was different to fil's view/perspective."

And that rather confirms the view I'd got of your FIL - he likes to be alpha male and keep everyone around him knowing it. His behaviour is deliberate, and it is intended to keep you off-balance and uncomfortable. I wonder if he does it only when you are coming round? I would not be surprised if, should you pop in unexpectedly, you would find him fully clothed.

"DH said I wasn't very sociable when we last visited and when I explained why he just did not get it"
How can you be sociable when your host is choosing to make you uncomfortable?

TBH OP, I would just avoid visiting the rude old fart. He can choose how to dress in his own home, and you can choose not to go to places where you are uncomfortable.

How is your MIL about all this?

Haha! My dear grandad used to sit around in his undercrackers alone while watching the test match.

My nan got so fed up her and my mum bought him a bunch of coloured vests and bermuda shorts so he'd look at least a bit brighter and still remain cool.

WhereYouLeftIt ... you have hit the nail on the head ... fil likes people to know he still has power over them ... even if it is not in a positive way. He knows he rules the roost :(

He also knows DH will never say anything to him on my behalf ... but lets not go there today lol xx

I simply would refuse to go

If your DH will not support you in that, then you have bigger fish to fry, tbh

Is this the website on which most members think, it's ok to get your tits out breastfeed wherever one happens to be?

Surely it's only natural and you need to stop being so controlling.

slightly misses the point on purpose

Fluff ... its in the uk lol. Heavens above I would dread what I might see if we visited during a heat wave!

lol, sorry, I think I kind of admire him. Secret English eccentricities. Gotta love 'em. Act like it's absolutely nothing. Don't give him the power of your discomfort.