Voluptuous FIL sits TOPLESS when we visit :(

[PollyPumpkins]

AIMU to expect FIL to put a top on during visits. I realise its his home and people can generally do what they like within their own 4 walls.

However I just find I am being increasingly struck dumb and I am unable to meet his gaze or even look at him. He is rather generously proportioned and sits at the head of the table like some buddha.

I have a sense he knows my feelings about this and knows how uncomfortable it makes me feel as several years ago there was a conversation about being half dressed in different situations - eg ... walking down street, in own home, in garden, on beach etc. This was before he took to being half undressed when at home.

DH has no problem with it although he does not do this himself. He also does not feel comfortable broaching the subject with his father.

Perhaps I am turning into a prude in my old age and just need to chillax.

Hand him a box of Veet strip wax tbe next time that you see him.

Does he strip off at your house as well?

And as to kissing him.

I'd just say "bye" & walk away tbh.

Have never kissed/hugged even touched my ILs-it's not compulsary!

Call him Rab C Nesbit, buy him a string vest and call him Rab in a Scottish accent at every visit. This will take the power away from him, and turn him into an object of ridicule.

Could you ridicule or insult him at every turn?

Pass the salt tubby

Wheres the remote?check under fils left tit

Christ fil, put it away, looks like jabba the gut

LMAO at Voluptuous! If it really bothers you that much you ought to ask your partner to speak to him about it and he really ought not be trying to dodge the issue by claiming to be uncomfortable. It's his dad, he ought to be able to speak to him and (for your sake) tell his dad to get dressed when you're visiting. It's about respect isn't it? If he can't respect you enough to dress properly when you visit and it makes you uncomfortable, maybe you ought to boycott visiting until he starts dressing appropriately whilst you are there?

Sits at the head of the table? What, you mean when you all EAT?

Gross gross gross and very bad form indeed. Bleeeee. Get your DH to tell him to put a bloody shirt on.

This reminded me of a time I was in Eastern Europe and the father sat there through dinner like this. His only saving grace was that I don't think it was considered rude or odd there

I remember sitting opposite some young musclebound bloke in a restaurant on holiday once, and he was wearing one of those string vests with very low cut armholes. All I could see was his armpit hair and nipples and even though he was in good shape it put me right off my food.

yanbu. his home or not, its rude and common.

If he knows you don't like this, then he is being deliberately offensive.

Diamonds ...lol

No Diddl thank evens .... he just leaves the loo in a state, does not flush and leaves seat & lid up :(

Good plan Shite ... Stringy it is lol

Enormasnob - I laughed out loud at that one! lol

I would struggle with that Rosie ... the sight of all that copious flesh generally sends me mute lol

123 - DH has never been able to stand up to him and fil knows that. I agree with what you say though ... I think I wont visit for a while to regain my equilibrium :)

Mad - yes sits there all arrogant like and the look on his face is all 'challenge me at your peril' :(

Blues - funny how we all have different social norms and whats accepted as polite in civilised society.

Thanks Dr'

I agree Grennie ... actually looking back over the years he has made it perfectly clear he does not respect or like me that much (he really does not like anyone) and I am getting very tired of 'playing the game'. Saying that it always comes back to DH and me not wanting to make life difficult for him. FIL would find someway of 'getting back' at us if we/or I did not visit.

Nipple tassels as his next birthday present.

Wahahahahahaha Compas ... way to funny for Sunday afternoon :)

eeww he sounds gross and it's very bad table manners!!

the only bloke who should sit around with his top off/well naked really is David Beckham.

he sounds horrible op I think I would stop visiting

Ooh-I wouldn't visit him & next time he visits you, when he comes out the loo, shout to your husband-you'll have to go & sort that out as your dad isn't capable.

Bleurgh!

But OP, why do you go? You know what he's doing, don't you, and yet you let him. When you go you don't stand up to him - OK I can understand you don't want to get into a battle with him. But why don't you have things you have to do when your DH visits? Go to a gym, write a book, go for a swim, anything but sit there and let yourself be treated like that.

It's about respect isn't it? If he can't respect you enough to dress properly when you visit and it makes you uncomfortable, maybe you ought to boycott visiting until he starts dressing appropriately whilst you are there?

This.

The state he leaves the toilet in for other people to find and do something about is very telling. How unpleasant.
He sounds dreadfully unpleasant all round to be honest.

what is he wearing on his bottom?

Is he part of some weird religion or something
i am at people who have never touched their in laws

they have issues man

"i am at people who have never touched their in laws

they have issues man"

I don't have issues-I'm not a kissy/huggy person with people that I don't like.

I think that they would hate it more than me tbh-they haven't done more than shake hands with their own son since he was about 10!

Bootycall .... you will have to invite me when David next visits you :)

Diddl - its proper gross re:- toilet habits - I feel so very sorry for MIL :(

Imperial - I agree. I am a bit speechless with DH at the moment because when I said I wont go for a while - he agreed and said its better to go when you can be more sociable - I nearly choked!! He has totally missed the point.

I agree Lizard it is about respect and he doesn't posses any for anyone. All his family tread egg shells around him and I am the one that does not so much. Nonetheless I feel unable to say it how it is due to the consequences for DH.

Gosh Diddl how sad. Personally I think a lot of it s down to upbringing.

"he agreed and said its better to go when you can be more sociable"

Oh good grief!

Is he absolutely in denial then, or does he think that he has a fun & sociable dad?

Dr - I did not dare look beneath the table ... for all I know FIL could have been swinging free and completely naked !

Your husband is completely in denial.

In any case, perhaps you could agree and say you'll go when you feel like being sociable with a passive aggressive man who wants you to see his flesh and sweat and the contents of his bowels.

Tell him you'll let him know when that day comes, then book yourself into a gym.