To be angry with DH on his return from registering the birth of DC2?

[PetiteMum]

Ok it's not anger, I'm actually livid. We both decided on first middle and surname of our gorgeous DD. Now MIL has mentioned a name that I was not keen on. DH did not mention that name at all..... Lo and behold he returns from the register office with a certificate bearing two middle names... He put in the name that MIL mentioned as a second middle name!

I was so angry that he did this without consulting me that I called the office straight away and will be deleting the extra name, which he said ok to after seeing my reaction.

It's the principle of the matter! Who did you have the child with? Me! Who suffered 3 days of induced back to back labour with just gas and air? Me!

I'm so mad I can't think straight. I'm not talking to him at the moment and don't know what to say, if anything.

Yes...it's absolutely worth ruining the weekend over - this second middle name - I quite agree.
She should hang on to her anger, and he should cringe in apologetic guilt. Everyone should be miserable for days about it. It's HUGE!

Not really - I don't think it matters, and so should be dropped.

"Its not about the use of the name, its the principle! They had already decided together.."

Yes, this.

Well...I would always look for resolutions that result in a harmonious household.
In this case, the offending name is being removed.
Job done.
And moving on....

Well of course there wouldn't have been a problem at all if he hadn't thought it was OK to do this.

Fortunately OP has managed to resolve it.

But for him not to apologise seems to suggest that he really still thinks it was an OK thing to do.

My dad did that (inserted an extra middle name). Not sure what my mum was like about it at the time but it is a funny story 40 years later.

I presume that it was just a spur of the moment thing. As long as you can change the name back, I personally wouldn't be that annoyed.

I don't think he's done a twatty thing because 'MOTHER RULES ALL', FFS. I think he's done a twatty thing because it's a twatty thing to do. I'd think it was a twatty thing to do if the mother had done it too.

Thinking a man has done a twatty thing is not automatically thinking all men are twats, strangely enough.

I would watch your dh OP. And I mean that seriously. He has revealed a quite astonishing level of thoughtlessness, stupidity and reliance on his mother.

I don't think the MIL has done anything wrong. She just suggested a name.

I agree that he shouldn't have added a name without consulting OP first but it's only an extra middle name. Not that huge a thing in the grand scheme of things. It's not as if the name can't be removed.

But for him not to apologise seems to suggest that he really still thinks it was an OK thing to do.

Maybe he did, yes. Perhaps he just doesn't get just how utterly wicked his decision apparently was, and thought a second middle name wasn't very important in the grand scheme of things, and never dreamed his wife would throw a total shit fit over it and punish him for days?

Maybe he thinks her reaction is disproportionate to the crime, and feels like she can do one with her self righteous rage right now?

My guess is that it will all blow over. She will calm down, he will apologise, and all will be forgotten. As it should be.

If the post had been "I'm furious because my Dp added an extra name when he registered our child" everyone would have told the OP to get over it. Because the dreaded initials MIL are involved it's gone all hysterical.

I've only read the first & last pages. I would also be furious. I put a lot of thought into choosing the names of my DC and discussed them with my DH, who was less bothered. There were names I really liked that he hated so I dropped them, the final choices were agreed by us both. Names are important and both parents should have a final say.

"If the post had been "I'm furious because my Dp added an extra name when he registered our child"..."

I think a lot of people would still think it was an awful thing to do-and might be calling him controlling.

Mentioning MIL makes him sound like a mummy's boy to me!

mil or no mil

i'd have nailed his balls to the floor

cancelled every engagement told his family to leave me until i feel better up to visitors and not speak to him until he apologised

@pinkAndGreenStripes - sexist bollocks which I've reported. Good luck.

My daughters partners dad went to register him on his own. They had decided on the name Craig. He came back with the name Rocky Ali. After his two favourite boxing legends. Seriously, Rocky as a first name! Everyone knows him as Craig and not many people know his 'real' name.

Wouldn't bother me unduly. But then I am easier going than most on here....
It's a second middle name. Presumably an ethnic or a family name. Why would you let this worry you?

My dad went to register me and instead of the name my mum wanted decided to opt for the name of the women he was shagging behind her back. What a lovely sentiment - my dad is an idiot!!

monstermissy And I thought it was bad that my friend's dad bought an eternity ring when his wife gave birth to their son and had an affair with the woman in the jeweller's.

How did your mum find out, btw?

I would be utterly fucking furious, no matter who had suggested the name or how it had come into his head.

You agree a baby name together. Your partner does not get to overrule that agreement by happening to be the person standing at the office. It is a breach of trust and utter lack of respect of your shared opinion.

Thankfully I don't think DH would ever do something so disrespectful.

From what I can see, the MIL did nothing wrong, just mentioned a name she liked. People put in their pitch for names they like all the time. There may be more to it of course if there has been any manipulation or guilt tripping, but I haven't seen the OP say anything to suggest that.

Monstermissy - That is shocking. Is the mistresses name still your name, or did it get changed back at some point?

*Amberv - shame your sis didn't know that a name given at baptism is also an official name - so if sge wanted the short version, having that given to him at baptism would make it an official name change and his coreect nane. the baptism certificate is a legal document.

I remember, a very VERY long time ago (am vair old) a storyline in Corrie, when Deirdre and her then husband Ray Langton, we're arguing over what to name their baby. She wanted Lynette Tracy and he wanted Tracy Lynette. He went to the registry office without her and made it his choice. She was livid and I reckon that's when the vein-popping throat stuff started.

Yanbu

I would hit the roof if DH pulled a stunt like that.

It IS important. A name should be with a child for life. I wouldn't care if it was even only one of twenty middle names given - the principle is the same.

clam I remember that too.

I also remember when Albert Tatlock was furious with Ken Barlow for betraying the Japanese POWs by buying a Datsun Cherry and when Rita and Len were reported to the council for having an illegal toilet in the Kabin.

Coronation Street doesn't do proper stories any more. They just do things about murder and shagging.

That's not true, curlew. I'd have said exactly the same if the MiL wasn't mentioned.

It's a crappy thing to do, end of. At least it can be fixed. The husband should apologise though.

Some people are far too touchy when MiLs are mentioned, it has to be said.