To be angry with DH on his return from registering the birth of DC2?

[PetiteMum]

Ok it's not anger, I'm actually livid. We both decided on first middle and surname of our gorgeous DD. Now MIL has mentioned a name that I was not keen on. DH did not mention that name at all..... Lo and behold he returns from the register office with a certificate bearing two middle names... He put in the name that MIL mentioned as a second middle name!

I was so angry that he did this without consulting me that I called the office straight away and will be deleting the extra name, which he said ok to after seeing my reaction.

It's the principle of the matter! Who did you have the child with? Me! Who suffered 3 days of induced back to back labour with just gas and air? Me!

I'm so mad I can't think straight. I'm not talking to him at the moment and don't know what to say, if anything.

I think you're over-reacting.

Perhaps he did it because he knew you wouldn't allow him to? Maybe he thought it was actually a nice thing to do for you and you might be pleased?

Who suffered 3 days of induced back to back labour with just gas and air? Me

This part of your post makes you sound so self-entitled.

like another poster said.. going back 70 years my Grandfather registered my mums birth and forgot the name they had agreed on so picked another..

For all those saint the op is being ridiculous, do you remember what it was like those first few days after having a baby? You're bloody sore, exhausted and hormones all over the sodding place.

Yes it's a second middle name and its never used but that isn't the point. A name was agreed on and someone else, (doesn't matter who) tried to change it, in fact very nearly did change it.

Yes in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't seem that important, but it is important to the op, she's very upset (rightly so I would say) and the dh can't see what he's done wrong. He could very easily right this by apologising, but he's being to pig headed to do so.

Petite, he was stupid, and is being even. Ore stupid for not apologising, I hope you can get over it and eventually be ab,e to laugh about it together in the future. Hope today's been ok

Saying, not saint!

My dad registered my birth on his own (with strict instructions). Apparently the registrar talked him into changing the spelling of my name as it looked better! My dm is still annoyed abo u t it more than 30 years later.

It's weird that this has somehow become about the mil and that mothers wishes are more important, it's not about either of those things- I'd think it equally as bad if a mother did the same thing. It's just a shitty thing to do to jointly agree on your child's name and then just do whatever you want behind your partners back

Also I wouldn't be 'letting it go' without an apology. People fuck up, then they apologise, then everyone can move on. Without an apology it's harder to resolve things and to me his lack of apology would mean I would assume he feels he was in the right and that his opinions and wishes were more important than the op's

My dad registered me when my mum was still sleeping. We have surmised I am either named after a woman he fancied or a racehorse. Thanks dad.

The mil thing is irrelevant (curlew). Naming your baby is one of the most exciting and important things you and your partner will ever do for your child. We spent hours deliberating and planning it, and it was a lovely secret between the two of us right up until each was born.
I simply can't comprehend either one of us traipsing off to the registrar (without the other, but to be fair it was an easy trip for us both to go) and suddenly thinking, "I know, I'll stick 'Mavis/Archibald/whatever' on the end of the names we settled on months ago! That'll work. And Mum will be thrilled."
And that this absolute idiot of a dh can't see why the OP's upset makes him even more of an arse.

JupiterGentlefly "going back 70 years my Grandfather registered my mums birth and forgot the name they had agreed on so picked another.."
What a shame he didn't think to text his wife and check!

My mums first husband went to register their daughter, my dsis's name by himself.....and instead of the name they'd agreed on, just (apparently) randomly picked Samantha Jayne. My mum was evidently LIVID and the story has gone down in family folklore as one of the many, many reasons she eventually divorced him :D And it's also the reason I'm called what I'm called, too. Mum got to use it when I came along (luckily my dad liked it too, although he did insist on his own choice of middle name!)

How are people concluding op is BU?? They chose their childs names together and he went behind her back, evrn take Mil out of the picture! Choosing names is Imo quite sacred between parents. Im not saying make him paaaay, but op has every right to be fucked off.

I did a similar thing when DS2 was born. I wanted him to have his father's Christian name as well as the two we'd chosen together for him. It's a very ordinary name. I left DH outside the registry office with the two littlies in the pram and went in and registered him, Firstname Secondname DH'sname Surname. Told DH what I'd done when I came out and he didn't mind. I think he was a bit flattered actually.

I agree with OP though.

Cookie, my grandad did that too with my aunt. Grandma just called her Harriet (the name that had been planned before) anyway.

My grandfather changed my mums FIRST name, to my grandmothers name which she had already vetoed because she didn't like it.
Then he did it again with his first born son, named him after himself ignoring the chosen name.
It was then my granny realised this was always his plan in order to vainly name his son after himself.

Acting unilaterally is not fair. Trying to play some kind of 'but it's my culture' trump card in a mixed relationship is not a recipe for happiness either.

Meh how would it be nice for the OP when it was done for the MIL and not her?

Ok so today's been interesting.... I'm still peeved and DH asked me what was wrong. I said you should know and he looked at me blankly. So we decided to discuss it later tonight or tomorrow. I think his actions have got me thinking over general things and we do need to clear the air.

I want an apology at the very least.

When I said "Who suffered 3 days of induced back to back labour with just gas and air? Me". I meant therefore I ought to be consulted at least, not see a random name in the certificate for the first time. Not that I have a bigger right than DH. However, he did have the child with me and not MIL and that's what also annoys me.

For reference, we chose a culturally neutral first ame and the middle and last names were both from his culture is I don't think I've given him reason to add in another for cultRal reasons. Simply because his mum wanted to have a say and thats was his crappy excuse.

I've not spoken much to him most of the day, and been civil to visitors, but no atmosphere as such as.... I just feel really sad and low tbh

I feel like I can't trust him entirely.... Too much other stuff to post, not that serious but it's all making me wonder

Thanks to everyone for their views and stories, helped me put into perspective much of my emotion.

YANBU.

I think you should get him a personalised mug for his birthday. With a different name on.

Sorry just to answer people... Yes I'm still called the same name as the women he was sleeping with, he eventually left mum for her and they were together 20 years before she cheated on him and they split. I always thought it was a coincidence until I started to ask why I was registered the same day I was born ( having had kids it wasn't on my mind the day of birth so seemed odd). My poor mum!