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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with DH on his return from registering the birth of DC2?

244 replies

PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 21:36

Ok it's not anger, I'm actually livid. We both decided on first middle and surname of our gorgeous DD. Now MIL has mentioned a name that I was not keen on. DH did not mention that name at all..... Lo and behold he returns from the register office with a certificate bearing two middle names... He put in the name that MIL mentioned as a second middle name!

I was so angry that he did this without consulting me that I called the office straight away and will be deleting the extra name, which he said ok to after seeing my reaction.

It's the principle of the matter! Who did you have the child with? Me! Who suffered 3 days of induced back to back labour with just gas and air? Me!

I'm so mad I can't think straight. I'm not talking to him at the moment and don't know what to say, if anything.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 17/01/2014 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PetiteMum · 17/01/2014 23:09

Bah, I'm done with today. Will think about it tomorrow. And print off the fucking forms. Off to eat something . Thanks to all for opinions.... Given me some perspective

OP posts:
Mellowandfruitful · 17/01/2014 23:09

Just not on to decide all by himself to add an extra name. They are both the parents and should agree on all the names. If the dad didn't feel his views on the name had been properly listened to, he could have, erm, started another conversation about it? Rather than slinking off to the registry office to do something secretly.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 17/01/2014 23:10

Ps OP I really want to know what the name was. Think you should PM Smile

CoffeeTea103 · 17/01/2014 23:12

Yanbu I would be livid!

Sparklysilversequins · 17/01/2014 23:13

My Mum's friend's DH did this, just changed it completely from the one they decided because he liked it Shock. She still raged about it 20 years later.

I can't remember the original name but the new one was Wayne............

I would be incoherent with rage if the father of my dc did this.

picnicbasketcase · 17/01/2014 23:18

Yadnbu. I would be furious.

Can't stop laughing at the chap with the middle name Miguel though Blush

ChippingInWadesIn · 17/01/2014 23:21

It is a total betrayal of your trust. Even if you had loved the name it would be. It's not something you just decide to do off your own bat.

As for friends, depends what kind of friends they are - mine would get chapter and verse about why I wasn't speaking to the nob! Grin His would get dealt with politely - but without any warmth to him at all.

He needs to realise this isn't about 'the name' but about the breach of trust.

Birthday - ... Hmm What birthday?

lilyaldrin · 17/01/2014 23:22

YANBU

This is actually making me quite glad that I'm not married to DP.

SadFreak · 17/01/2014 23:23

Well I share your rage OP. I would be incandescent with rage.

Hope you calm down and get it all sorted easily.

sonotfunny · 17/01/2014 23:24

YANBU. Apalling thing to do!

LindyHemming · 17/01/2014 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumbumsmummy · 17/01/2014 23:29

Wowsers you are definitely not being unreasonable I'd have broken his bollocks

steff13 · 17/01/2014 23:31

I really, really want to know what the name is! I would be livid if my husband did this.

So, you have to go somewhere to register the baby? Here they do it at the hospital before you leave. What happens if you don't do it? Do you have a period of time to get it done?

soontobeslendergirl · 17/01/2014 23:32

I have a friend who dad registered the birth and spelt Gillian with one L as he couldn't see the point of the other one! He also misspelled her younger brothers middle name as Fredick instead of Frederick........you'd have thought her mother would have learned and not let him go the 2nd time alone!

zipzap · 17/01/2014 23:38

My nan was influenced by her very pushy elder sister to change the middle name she was planning on using for my dad to the name of the sis's late husband who had just died. She was never very happy with the name.

Once my great aunt died, when my dad was in his late 50's, one day my nan piped up 'how do you go about changing your name?'. We started to tease her a bit saying that wasn't she a bit old to change her name (late 80s) but no, she was serious, but she wanted to change my dad's name to the one she originally wanted to give him rather than the one my great aunt insisted on.

And she really struggled to understand why my dad really didn't want to change his name, that he had used for so long and he was known by, not to mention the administrative hassle!

But almost 60 years down the line, it was still annoying her. So OP yadnbu to get it changed straight back to what you had agreed, thank goodness you can!

wowfudge · 17/01/2014 23:50

I understand your anger OP - sometimes they just don't get it, do they? My grandad registered my mum's birth and he and my grandma hadn't decided on a name! Grandma had made it clear she didn't want the baby named after any relatives and grandad came good in the end in respecting her wishes. My gran was too ill to go with him.

DP has his intended first and middle names the wrong way round, thanks to his dad's cock up when registering him, but his family always called him by the middle name so it didn't matter.

MeepMeepVrooooom · 17/01/2014 23:56

My friends Mum got Grezelda instead of something a lot nicer. I nearly cried with laughter when I found out as she goes by middle name now.

Honestly didn't believe my friend until the day I saw her mum's passport.

I guess it could be worse, it could be Grezelda Grin

nickelbabe · 17/01/2014 23:58

you can correct a name
or change the name

Trumpton · 18/01/2014 00:10

My father registered me with the wrong name . Similar spelling but with different pronunciation.
I was always called by the name my mother wanted but funnily enough changed to my official name as a grown up.
So amongst family I am called by a shortened version of my family name which is completely different to the name I use normally. Very confusing.

OxfordBags · 18/01/2014 00:16

I can't believe it's a name you two have never even discussed! What a knobber - it's be bad enough if it had been thought through and vetoed, but that takes the biscuit.

If it cheers you up, one of my BILs has a hilarious middle name - on a par with 'Gaylord' for outdatedness and amusement value. He was meant to have something quite mundane, but FIL changed it to the funny name when registering, and MIL, always pretty vague when not in the fog of newborn days, never actually asked to look at it and presumed he had the name they'd chosen. She didn't find out until he registered my DH's name and gave him Skywalker as a middle name, and she asked to see that one. She then lost her shit at him, and he admitted to what he'd done with their elder son's name too. DH got his changed back to the original, tasteful middle name, BIL was lumbered with his. FIL didn't learn; for their other kids, MIL insited on going with him, and he tried to tell the registrar some undiscussed ludicrous middle names in front of MIL!

saffronwblue · 18/01/2014 00:21

YANBU. It is a huge betrayal of trust and invalidates the decision you had taken together.
My grandfather inadvertently registered my mother as a boy rather than a girl - she has one unisex name and he ticked the wrong box on the form (in 1930). She has had all sorts of difficulty at various points getting new passports etc.

Kendodd · 18/01/2014 00:22

My dad did this with me!

My mum told me they had agreed on a middle name and he came back from registering me with a completely different one. He said he'd thought of it on the bus on the way.

differentnameforthis · 18/01/2014 03:44

I would not trust ANY man to do ANY simple task, without clear, written instructions.

Good God, I couldn't be in a relationship with man who couldn't do even the smallest task without instructions!!

missingmumxox · 18/01/2014 04:16

My aunt registered my cousin with a middle name her oh hadn't even agreed to.
My dad like a few here was registered the wrong way round by my pop and the reason was because the way round Dad was gave him the initial which matched his older brother. So say his brother was Simon Andrew, Dad should have been Alan Stephan, but ended up Stephen.
My Brother was almost Christened the same way, before he was registered, as when the vicar said "who names this child' no one spoke and she blurted out YX! Fortunately the vicar archbishop (proper posh us) knew what name had been agreed

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